My T has only said vulnerable - and it bothers me a bit but not like the other 4. I do not believe my T has said any of those other 4 words you mention.

The first time she said Care - I flipped out for a month.

Termination
Renegotiate boundaries
Contact Schedule


And there will be more.

TN: I can truly relate. I tell the Therapist to STOP saying those words. I don't do well with them...and I HATE when he references 'the little girl.' I shut him out and shut him down and tell him to STOP.

T.

This week he said, "You don't like that you need me." I replied, "Do you want me to hurt you?"

Seriously. Not cool.

That's a great thread! Yes there are words that have to b whispered thru clenched teeth. For me the worst word to say is "thank you." If someone gives me a compliment I hate to have to say it & instead i talk around it, but w/o accepting it. I think that if I say it that means I agree w/them & their compliment. If I'd actually do that it would make me proud, full of myself, egotistical & accepting. I could never do that! My H has told me several times how rude it is not to say thank you, so add to that list full of shame & just "bad."
I hate the word
incest
Dad's little girl
Punishment
Vulnerable. Makes me feel weak & powerless
Friendship. Yeah, no such thing
Med change
Parts work
Hospitalization duh!!

I used to wince too when my T used certain words like:

integrate
little girl inside
protector
demon
part
and various sex-related words

I guess it is one benefit of being terminated, that I don't have to hear it anymore.

TAS, if my T had said that to me and I had responded using the words you wrote, she would have terminated me for it.

Oh, wait. She did. Seriously. Not cool.

(Sorry for that little interjection of self-pity)

emotional intimacy
vulnerability
abandonment
depression

intimate
relationship
dependent
attachment
care

them's my trigger words

oh, yeah and one other ... "what would you like to talk about today"?

It's interesting that we have some words in common that have to do with the inner kid stuff as I call it to T.

Anyone else?

TN

Li'l one

Mad Hatter: I am sorry that happened to you. How long has it been since the termination happened?

He prefaced saying I needed him with "I am cautious to say this..." so, when I said that, he laughed because he knew I would probably respond that way.

I am sorry for the experience you have had. I truly am.

T.

anything CSA related
sex-related words
intimacy
feeling close
and anything to do with limits and T not being my dad blah blah balh

It's amazing that we have the same reaction to the same words.

I just emailed my T my list. It was hard to do but I promised him and I know he will be gentle with me in this regard. I just don't know how we are going to get past this or solve it.

Have any of you discussed this with T? Do they know you have to avoid certain trigger words?

TN

Little _____ (insert anything)
Clean up (very personal one)
Abuse, abused, trauma (trigger denial responses)
Sex-related stuff
Certain God-related stuff (which is hard, because we're both Christian)
Connect (because it usually means connecting with kids or being close)
Female, woman, girl (if aimed at me, reminding me I am one--no offense to anyone)

Edit: T did used to avoid using some words, or found better words (my list above is incomplete, I used to have a ton more) to use in their place. As I have been slowly capable of hearing them more without immediately dissociating, he is letting me bump up against the discomfort so we can figure out what it's about, I guess.

Little Girl
dirty / filth (only I can say I feel that way)

Never discussed it. Just make a "Urrrgh" noise so she knows she has said something wrong.

B2W

I just hate it when he says my name, or says a compliment. Puts a sort of fear into me.

Well... I sort of heard back from T this morning. He sent me a text telling me his internet is down and he will have to respond to my email later... ugh! But he did add that what I wrote looks very good. Not sure if that is about the words or what I wrote about feeling no more need to discuss oldT. He is buried in the past now.

Guess I'll just have to wait to find out...

Anon: Like you I am hoping we can find other words to use that don't trigger me into shut down mode or worse... anger at my T for using them.

TN

Here is my list of words, which also includes phrases:

Being transparent
Sitting with things
Mommy wound
Can we ask Jesus here? or Can this part let Jesus help? (we are both Christian)
Disappointment
Rejection
Shame
Awkwardness

Like Anon has shared, my T, too, has said it is all about finding out what words are and are not triggering. That because specific words or phrases have linkages to trauma place and time, the key is respecting they are so power-packed and to find replacements when we can, at least for now. Hopefully, as we work through the trauma, one piece at a time, they will hold less intensity, but I suppose there will always be those words/phrases that fuel the pain and fears inside.

had another phrase that my previous T used and really really hurt a lot:

you as adult need to stop letting that young child inside drive the bus

it was shaming and only made me hide and go inward more. if that part inside was driving the bus it was because she was hurting like hell and she didnt need to be scolded for doing so. she needed to know she was loved and hurting and needed me as adult to get what was going on inside.

Abandonement
Rejection
Depression
Avoidance
Embarrased
Ashamed
Childish
Shy

You're very strong
What you've been through
Did you hurt yourself?
Mom
Could you cry?
What can we plan for you to do this weekend?
Intimacy
Bond
I'm right here

Every... single one of these brings up epic amounts of shame.

Right now my T saying ANYTHING is too much but those are some magic phrases.

Amber... I'm sorry.

TN

It's ok TN--how could you have known? You were just trying to bring consolation to me and that meant a lot.

Besides this whole thread helps me see where so many words and phrases I have used that I thought would be helpful and comforting probably just bring other people pain. Like all my parts stuff and little amber stuff. How was I to know, either?

Now I do want to go into that cave again and hide. (where is that awesome old cry icon--this one just doesn't cut it!)

love
acceptance
I am sad for you
you can cry
What would you like me to do, to help you? ...(I never ever know the answer).
intimate
little ...(referring to my inner part)

my list would be quite long if i have to think of all the words...
let's start with A: attachment
the only way i have talked to my T about some of these words, is in a very round about way. i couldnt say the word attachment, so i said it starts with A and has has 10 letters. i thought my T would be angry with me for playing 'games', but she tried to guess, except got it wrong (maybe on purpose??), so i ended up having to say the word

i'm sorry so many struggle... i wonder if it's all the words that carry shame for us?


puppet

abandoned
abused
anger
care
self-pity

I have fought any gender reference to the self-destructive part of me, thinking of it more as some monster inside of me, but I think I made a step forward this week in acknowledging that it is part of me, as much as I don't like that feeling.

- you matter
- you are important to us
- we care about you
- you are worthwhile
- you are not worthless
- you are not insignificant

(((TN)))

Control
Shame
Co-dependent
My own name
Comfort

maternal
rejection
abandonment
mother( feels like a foreign word if i say it)
stepfather
groomed

Hello, this is my first post. I really relate to so many of everyone's posts and thought it was time to start contributing.

Dirty
Contaminate

THE ENTIRE LIST

abandon
abandoned
Abandonement
abandonment
abandonment
Abuse, abused, trauma (trigger denial responses)
abused
acceptance
various sex-related words
anger
anything CSA related
anything to do with limits and T not being my dad blah blah balh
Ashamed
attachment
attachment
attachment
attachment
Avoidance
Awkwardness
Being transparent
Bond
Can we ask Jesus here? or Can this part let Jesus help? (we are both Christian)
care
care
care
Certain God-related stuff (which is hard, because we're both Christian)
Childish
Clean up (very personal one)
Co-dependent
Comfort
Connect (because it usually means connecting with kids or being close)
connection
Contact Schedule
Contaminate
Control
Could you cry?
cuddle
Dad's little girl
demon
dependent
Depression
depression
Did you hurt yourself?
Dirty
dirty / filth (only I can say I feel that way)
Disappointment
Embarrased
emotional intimacy
feeling close
Female, woman, girl (if aimed at me, reminding me I am one--no offense to anyone)
Friendship. Yeah, no such thing
God
groomed
hate
he says a compliment
he says my name
Held (Hugged is fine)
hold
Hospitalization duh!!
How are you?
I am sad for you
I'm right here
incest
integrate
Intimacy
intimacy
intimate
intimate
intimate
Li'l one
little ...(referring to my inner part)
Little _____ (insert anything)
little child
Little Girl
little girl
little girl
Little Girl (Little Kid is fine)
little girl inside
love
love
love
maternal
Med change
Mom
Mommy wound
mother
mother( feels like a foreign word if i say it)
My own name
need, needs
part
Parts work
protector
Punishment
rejection
Rejection
Rejection
rejection
relationship
Renegotiate boundaries
reschedule
self-pity
separation
Sex-related stuff
sex-related words
Shame
Shame
shame
shame
Shy
Sitting with things
stepfather
Termination
the little girl
vulnerability
vulnerable
Vulnerable. Makes me feel weak & powerless
we care about you
What can we plan for you to do this weekend?
What would you like me to do, to help you? ...(I never ever know the answer).
What you've been through
you are important to us
you are not insignificant
you are not worthless
you are worthwhile
you as adult need to stop letting that young child inside drive the bus
you can cry
you matter
You're very strong

RT that was so amazing---OMG I hope I did not use a word on the list!

Seriously, this was super insightful to see all in one place. Thank you.

Nice list RT, thanks for putting that together

I don't know if there are words in particular that bother me. The closest I can come to words I don't like from T is "emotional" She would ask if I am emotional while I am crying. So weird.

TN I am glad your T got back to you if only to say that he was having email problems. But I get that he was vague too. That's hard.

Breaking Free

Kmay

Thank you for your welcome

Yes i do words related to trauma anything csa
I squirm and the more i squirm the more she repeats it, she wants me to get used to those words in therapy without feeling dirty.

I don't like it when T uses the words

Brave
Proud