Disappointed with my Shrink

itshardtosayMember

I started with a new P in Jan.
She seems to listen but that's about it. Doesn't say much. She has trained in analysis and I seem to sit there talking in circles leaving my appts as confused as when I went in.

I as always, am struggling with different ages of me interfering in my adult life making things go awry and I want/need more guidance from her but get just a little if any.

I am roaring mad at her......but haven't been able to tell her why.

I know she isn't my old T who helped me so much and was attuned - she is someone totally different and has a different approach.....much to my chagrin she is also a doctor, a shrink and I have been treated badly by too many misunderstanding and misdiagnosing doctors in the past.

I don't feel supported or that she really gets it with me. I'm still afraid of her as well, it doesn't feel safe in her office with her and i am so self conscious it's ridiculous. I told her I dread going and that I feel angry with her but haven't said much more. It is really hard to keep going and at the same time I'm trying to work on the early memories that are pushing at my mind.

I wonder if i can try to tell her more of what I need from her? but i did try (nothing really changed) and she wants this to work too. i dunno. I feel like this is not a 50/50 relationship...instead I feel like I'm doing 98% of the work and that's in the form of my own babbling. I've asked for direction and she says...."whatever comes up". Gee. I babble to myself at home ..and my therapy seems to be exactly that but with an audience.
I don't know what else to say to her or do

IHTS

8/14/096:55 PM

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True NorthCo-moderator

Hi IHTS... What strikes me immediately is that you are trying to work on traumatic memories with someone (your P) who does not feel safe to you. The most important thing is being able to integrate trauma and the memories is having a trusting, safe, secure and comfortable relationship with your T or P. You need to feel safe to do the work you need to do. I have just started working on some old trauma with my T and I have been with him for 18 months now. And finally I feel safe enough to go to these places of fear and pain.

I recently read an article that talks about the therapeutic relationship and how is works with abuse memories. The authors claim that the old "blank slate" type of therapist is not the best orientation to deal with traumatic memories. That you need a relationship with a T who is kind and gentle and is willing to allow you to see their emotions. It a sort of right brain to right brain connection that is needed so that you understand that your story matters to someone else and that it's important.

So perhaps even though you seem to want this relationship to work out maybe this P's style does not work for what you need...especially if you tried to talk to her about it and she is not able/willing to change her style.

Just my thoughts. I do understand how hard it can be. I wish you well.

TN

8/14/099:35 PM

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itshardtosayMember

Thanks TN for your grounding reply,

I have been conflicted and confused over this as I like her! and at times she responds with what I need. It's just really hard knowing - it's those times I feel like she doesn't respond to me that are hard and I find myself wondering if she cares? It helps that you were able to easily spot the lack of trust I have with her considering the importance of trust and a right brain connection in therapy.

There isn't another P or T nearby that I could afford to see right now...so my options are limited. While options are limited, the memories are not waiting inside any longer....I feel an urgency to this - they are intruding on my everyday life and my struggle with functioning is too obvious at work and school, ie: dissociating, high anxiety, showing up feeling/behaving like a younger me.

I am considering talking to her again about how I am and my needs...this time more honestly and suggesting what she might do to help me. She said she would be open to that, but I feel so uncomfortable asking.

I also suppose that I could try to put my work and school life on hold while I do whatever it takes to get into a better therapy relationship...I wonder if I'm going to have to uproot my life to find another therapist?

Thanks TN,

IHTS

8/15/0912:51 AM

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itshardtosayMember

Hi Hummingbird,

Yes, I guess a bit of discomfort won't kill me. My P has gone on a few days holiday and will be back next week. I have been able to address this briefly at times with her but get acutely uncomfortable. I know she wants to do whatever it is I need but I fear rejection from her or even ridicule. She has not rejected me in the least or ridiculed me so I guess this is me. Last week when I told her I was really angry and it didn't quite make sense...her reply was "it's transference, you know."

I'm feeling much anger and completely cheesed off that I have to address deep issues and can't somehow be magically excused from this portion of my life and healing...ha. Nice try, but I know magical wishes only come true on TV. Lately I've been addressing early abuse and memories of that I have avoided for many many years so I'm kind of a bear to be around.

Thanks for your reply.
IHTS

8/28/097:27 PM

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