quote:

T asked me in Wednesday's session if I thought my reactions to the situations in the week prior and the current week were disproportionate to the situation themselves

My though when I read this was, DUH! Come on, does she not know part of starting therapy is because of maladaptive behaviors?!

It is not stupid to have intense emotions and it is not helpless to heal. Hang in there and feel whatever it is you're feeling. ((((hugs))))

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I feel very hopeless right now, that I will ever be able to regulate my emotions.

((((NINN))))

You can and you will learn how to regulate your emotions. Can you follow up with her when she doesn't respond to you? I hate it when I don't get a response.

HUGS,

Liese

You know, it has just struck me, that I don't even think of the term 'regulating my emotions."

thank god.

BEcause I am just getting IN TOUCH with my emotions. Hallejujah. I wonder if that is the same with you?

Last week I got harshly told off in band for playing something wrong and I ended up crying, walking out and sitting curled up on the floor in the next room sobbing.

A slight over reaction me thinks (LOL)

And yo know what? that was PROGRESS!!!!!!!!

\I am actually FEELING!

I am actually integrating the feelings I have inside into my 'normal' life.


Yes, of course, one day I would like to go back to how life used to be, when these things did not happen. BUT, I felt that I was accepted for these strong feelings and the world did not fall apart and I did not kill anyone. LOL
'
So at the moment, 'emotional regulation' is maybe just not a helpful thought. I think your therapist is aware that you NEED to be feeling and that it is good that this happening. Maybe YOU are wanting to be able to respond APPROPRIATELY like 'normal people' (I do) but I see it as akin to having surgery, I cannot walk well just now but I am going through healing and so all sorts of things are going to be a bit wobbly for a while. In the end, it will sort.

This was all meant to be reassuring. Hope it comes across like that. Sometimes the tone of my posts come across all wrong.

Your T said

quote:

It's not stupid. It is a strong emotional reaction, but it isn't stupid."

She is dead right. Keep going, you are alive and FEELING and this is wonderful right now. I think she is feeling pleased for you whilst helping you to note that it is a strong reaction - which you are all too well aware of by the sounds of it.

You have me thinking...

Sometimes I am slow with this psych stuff, and I don't want to read- too much or I fear I will have symptoms of everything...

So... Sadly- is this how it goes? I too could rattle off several bad things that happened to me- the ones I could remember- never believing any of it was bad enough to be called trauma (through therapy found that clearly to be a misperception on my part) ...did this wothout emotion. Now I overreact at times, while still some thing are hidden. The overaction to me would seem like progress- because now I feel stuff relating to trauma. So it is growth. Some day, some how, I will deal with regulation, but you are right- the need to feel comes first. (Just thinking)

So NINN- NO, it is not stupid at all, but a normal progression for those of us who experienced too much trauma. OK?

First, thank you for your responses!

I'm sitting here sobbing....I'm so glad I posted here. Because I wasn't getting it, before I did post, and now read your responses and now I realize something important. That even though, yes, this is all inappropriate behavior for a 38-yr-old, I didn't go through it when I was a child, or teen, or young adult. When I was a child, I sat there, silent, frozen, scared, etc. My emotional dysregulation started when I was around 25 and has since escalated. So, I got help, but very late in life (starting only 20 months ago).

Raven,

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My though when I read this was, DUH! Come on, does she not know part of starting therapy is because of maladaptive behaviors?!

That was my first reaction - the DUH part

quote:

feel whatever it is you're feeling

I do need to do this. Feel what I'm feeling, now. And, feel what I felt as a child, I guess, but had buried so deep. I had no idea....and so many things right now in my life are triggering the pain from my childhood.

Liese,

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You can and you will learn how to regulate your emotions. Can you follow up with her when she doesn't respond to you?

Thank you for your reassurance. I can do this, and I can follow up with my T. I even told T that usually I have a conversation with someone and can't think of what to say until about 2 days later; and she said, you 'go home and ruminate', so she knows I do this. So, I guess that is what I have done, again, and come Monday her and I can touch on this again.

Sadly,

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BEcause I am just getting IN TOUCH with my emotions. Hallejujah. I wonder if that is the same with you?

I do think you are right! And, after 20 months I have noticed I can identify my feelilngs better (but usually after the fact, after the event, after the over-reaction). I guess that is why going to therapy helps, and journaling, and posting here, because it helps to figure out where it is coming from.

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This was all meant to be reassuring. Hope it comes across like that.

Even though I am crying each time I read your response, it is very reassuring!! Thank you very much for your insight!

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I think she is feeling pleased for you whilst helping you to note that it is a strong reaction - which you are all too well aware of by the sounds of it.

I definitely need to stop being so paranoid and wondering what she is thinking of me. She has already told me that I can tell her anything and she will not think less of me, or dislike me, or push me away.

Mayo,

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NO, it is not stupid at all, but a normal progression for those of us who experienced too much trauma.

I truly didn't think of it as progression; thank you for your encouragement! I hate being so hard on myself and being inpatient.


Thanks again <3 Ninn

quote:

yes, this is all inappropriate behavior for a 38-yr-old, I didn't go through it when I was a child, or teen, or young adult. When I was a child, I sat there, silent, frozen, scared, etc

Ditto. I've spent 40 years frozen and just started to "thaw" during my last session when I felt 7. It's taken me 18 months if therapy and I started late, too.

You can do it! Hang in there!

((((hugs))))

Raven....in December I started to feel 12, well, just times when I felt 12....and it was when my T went on vacation for 14 days....when she came back I was a wreck....anyway, I've been journaling: "someone make this 12 year old inside me go away" (and other things)....it is all very confusing to me, as things are coming to me only in small bits, and it seems hard when I go home from therapy and have to deal with life (and try to avoid thinking about the therapy stuff, or it can consume my thoughts).

HUGS to you too!

Yep - things are coming to me in small bits too. I totally understand the need to not think about all the therapy stuff during the week or it can become all consuming. Life doesn't pause for us while were healing!

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Life doesn't pause for us while were healing!

Very good point, Raven.