Hi Healmyselffe, welcome to the forum!

I had a look at your blog. It's very interesting, thank you for sharing!

One thing I want to let you know though, you mentioned in one post about a child being capable of abuse. I don't think it is possible, not in the way of reason. Consider that a child doesn't work beyond any sense of logic than by what s/he is taught. An elder, we assume, is capable of mindful malleability and therefore is capable of independent moral development, to a degree. But some elders just don't seem to cotton onto this which in my opinion, is partly unacceptable simply because if we compare the child's state of mind to an elder, there is no comparison at all; two totally different formats.

Don't ever blame yourself and consider yourself capable of abuse like that hon. And if you do, then know that the way you behaved was due to a reaction to how they treated you and not a formation out of thin air.

A child's mind does not work on reason as much as it works on example. A child cannot deliberate with introspection like an elder can.

I think Dostoyevsky wrote about this briefly, in his novel 'The Brothers Karamazov'.

quote:

I repressed and dissociated myself from these ideas and convinced myself that I had an alright upbringing until therapists help me properly label things and cease repression. I now have a blog where I try to overcome my dissociation

Ah snap. I am learning to come out of that too. I've been through physical abuse, no good emotional role models, oppressive house for most of my life. I got used to it. I still go back to that indifference and disassociation mostly. How long have you been in therapy for now? Is it going well for you so far?

I read that you are Aspergers (If you don't mind me writing it here..). If you don't mind me asking, when did you find out? Was it when you were much younger?

Hope you write more in the forum and hope you enjoy the forum too xx

Hello HealMyselffe welcome to the forum. I too have had a quick read of your blog, very interesting and very good of you to share your inner self like that. Thank you for posting the link.

I also hope you will post a bit on forum, it would be nice to get to know you better.

LL

Hello, Thanks very much for providing supportive thoughts. I am already really glad I posted here.

Forgetmenot,

Thanks for your kind words. As per your question, I discovered I had asperger's within the last couple of years though it certainly did not suprise me. My asperger's is quite mild and in some situations unnoticeable. I stutter and I have trouble inserting myself into conversations, but I do not seem to repulse anyone in social situations. I am just quiet in public.

I have been in and out of therapy since I was about 21, but I have been seriously seen multiple times a week in a psychiatric hospital only within the past year. It has been helpful for me.

You do not strike me as a dissociated personality, actually. You show high empathy. At times, you may be able to perceive a vulcan-like stiffness in my writing.

Hi Healmyselffe, hope you are well.

Ah okay. At one point I thought I had Asperger's. I was a considered a very capable child when younger etc, but I think it was a phase of thought. I tend to try and sort myself out through rigorous label-testing.

I do have a degree of empathy, yes. However in real life I am very detached and aloof with communication. I told my therapist last week that I could go halfway across the world and not miss anyone except her.

I go through ups and down in regard to real empathy. It doesn't stick. I am in discussion with my T about the possibility of having BPD (This one sticks!). Of course I don't believe the label defines a whole persona but looking at the DSM of BPD, it suits me very strongly. So I will be empathetic and I will mean it at the time but then I will detach very swiftly which will be on my reasoning. It will hold no logic. It happens 'automatically'. When I detach I feel very different. Uncaring (but not in a cruel manner). Self sufficient. All due to infantile detachments from both parents at varying times before aged 4.

Maybe I should also try and overcome labels as they don't seem to really aid me at this point.

The idea of having BPD is scary, but I think if you avoid the really nasty symptoms of it (like physical self harm), it isn't that bad. Do you think you can overcome it?

It's difficult with me because I tend to put labels on myself at the moments that I feel most vulnerable or emotional.

I don't know if I have it fully. I think I will just try and deal with my feelings without labelling symptoms and if it gets too bad anytime, I'll go to get assessed. I can cope pretty well in daily life right now. I need my therapist to monitor the way I speak, act, intellectualize for her to see the patterns. It's too confusing for me.

If it is BPD, BPD can be overcome within time, yes.