I trust her now, but I am keeping her at a safe distance because I am afraid to open up about REALLY personal stuff until my trust builds up more...
During the holidays I was having a really hard time and was very clingy to my therapist. I felt guilty for being there, but people kept reasuring me that it was okay....
Now I am stronger I guess. I am depending more on me than her, but I feel so disconnected from her. I miss that closeness with her. Because I never feel that close with anyone else.. except at times with my son...
During today's session I got along with my therapist and felt I can trust her again.. so thats great. But I felt so out of it.. like I was off somewhere else... I can barely remember what we talked about. This tends to happen a lot in my sessions with her. I feel like a different person, with her (a diff person) and the room was different. I long for that connection!! Maybe I just don't feel safe enough to feel it...because than I have to deal with the feelings after the session without her... but maybe I just felt too much for her. Hoping that she would save me and be my healing Goddess!
haha Gosh healing is so confusing.. so is trusting and trusting myself! She says I need to stay present in my body.. which is so hard for me. I guess I am afraid of being present in my body, because than I have to feel all these crazy sensations and feelings... EEG!! Maybe I have to start nurturing my inner child so she will feel safe enough to become a part of me again...
