Hi,
I am in exactly the same position. T is starting maternity leave in 6 weeks time an dI will change from seeing herin the hospital to her private practice. I went last week to se the new office. I have written a couple of posts about it on the thread about T's office aesthetics. Too long to repeat here, but very similar reaction to yours, even though her own office is much nicer than the hospital one.

DR,
Its been a really long time ago (like 20 years) but my first T did move offices while I was seeing her and I remember it being very difficult and very stressful. Just the fact that we were sitting differently kind of freaked me out (for a very long time I did NOT feel safe unless she was to the right of me, things coming from the left felt more dangerous. I think my favorite hiding spot as a kid protected my right side so if something came at me it was always from the left).

So the new place was scary, because viscerally I wasn't sure that it was safe. But I learned something important which was that it was my T who made the space feel safe, and she could do that to the new space, it just took some time. And in the meantime, all the feelings it is evoking are grist for the mill.

So I wouldn't be too quick to take this as a sign to move it, but as an indication that it is difficult for you to feel safe (for good reason) and you have a chance to actually experience feeling safe in more than one place.

Sorry though, I know its incredibly disruptive. I am glad that your T is sensitive to how this can feel.

AG

quote:

I don't know if I am looking for problems because I feel ambivalent about making this transition or if these are signs, which add to other valid reasons, that it is time to move on. Has anyone else had trouble making this sort of transition?

Hi DR,

My T has changed office locations twice in the two years I have been working with her. I loved her original office and so the first move was very sad, for me. I expressed this to her, how much I would miss the place. She seemed appreciative and said she would miss it too.

I didn't like the new location. The layout, the location, the drive there, the shape of the room, the view, the wall color. . . really almost everything about the place sat ill with me, lol. It was okay because T and her books, furniture, and decorations were there and I tried to focus on that. But I also felt, strongly, that it was the wrong setting for her and that we would not be there long. It felt makeshift and temporary. Did not have an air of settled permanence to it at all.

Lo and behold she moved again less than a year later. I don't know if I am psychic, or just have a good intuition, or if the intensity of my desire for a change made it manifest. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. Life can be random and mysterious and strange when it comes to these details.

I love where she is now. It's in a sturdy old brick building on a quiet street, has nice windows, a pleasing lay out, and a very pretty wall color that goes well with all of T's things. It feels safe and enduring.

Sorry this is not really advice. . . just a personal story with a happy ending (so far!). I have more thoughts and might be back to write more later, right now my baby is crying. . . got to go.

I guess all that to say-- I am deeply sensitive to atmosphere, too. I do not believe space is neutral, but that there is a kind of "spirit of place" even if it is just what happens at the intersection of our imaginations and physical matter. Maybe it is a sign of something-- although I would hate to see you conclude it's a sign to leave your T if you like her and the therapy is working. Perhaps something will change, or perhaps there is something there for you to learn? Good may come of it. Everything can be grist for the therapeutic mill.

Starlight – I hope you are able to feel comfortable with the new location before your T has her baby. I found a couple of your posts and was glad to read she is willing to accommodate to your needs. Thanks for your encouragement and support.

AG – Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane to share with me how it was with your first T. It matters to me where I sit in the office. I find myself choosing to sit on the left side of her couch. I have not sat in a chair but might consider doing that in her new office. We'll see. I can imagine myself sitting on her couch in her new office so I am glad I went to see it. As for the new anxiety this change is stirring, I know it is just more fodder for therapy. I have tried to come up with ideas of how to overcome this anxiety. I know talking about it is important. I wrote and told her I need to come to her office again and practice exposure therapy on myself before I can see her in her new office. I think I will feel less anxious if I feel more confident about how I get to and from her office and the elevator. She wrote back and offered to let me come and sit in her waiting room again. She also offered to meet me at the elevator and walk me through the hallway before my appointment if that would help. I feel so silly.

HIC – You are right, atmosphere does matter but I realize it is not the only thing that matters. When I first started see this T, it took me a while to adjust to all the changes that come along with being in therapy with someone new to me. There was a lot of things I did not like about the physical changes. I didn't know that it would be good for me to process how I felt about these physical changes happening (let alone the emotional upheaval of losing a beloved t and having to start over with a new one). I guess I was just in survival mode. I don't know how long it took but I eventually grew comfortable enough to focus on the presence of the T and dismiss all the other distractions that I didn't like and could not change. I suppose that can happen again. I am glad you are comfortable with the current location of your T and hope it continues to go well for you.

DR

I am leaning toward finding a new T instead of following current T to her new location. In fact, I have done some research and have narrowed the field to three options. The timing of this move sucks because I felt like I was on the verge of a breakthrough but that doesn't matter because no matter what i decide, there is going to be a time of upheaval, so, whatever I hoped for, it will have to wait. It seems whenever I think I am ready to go further than I have gone before, I find a reason it is not safe to do so. If I follow her, I will have to work through the triggers of her new office before returning to the issue at hand. If I find a new T, I will have to spend time building trust before I can get to the issue at hand. Either way, I am forced to shove it all back down....again. This disappointment triggered me to a low functioning places yesterday; I was irritable and short-tempered and felt a little bit of despair that caused me to begin wondering why I don't just quit T and return to living a 'normal' life. What's the use, nothing I bring to T is ever resolved. I can't continue living like this! What the heck is wrong with me?


deeplyrooted

I have had so much anxiety about this decision but have finally sent an email to my T and let her know of my intentions to find another T closer to my home and explained a bit about what I think I need from another therapist. I started crying while writing her because I am already beginning to miss her and I haven't even left yet. Of course, I just realized I haven't seen her for two weeks and will not see her for another three days! I was sure to let her know that I was NOT yet terminating with her until I have settled on a new T and asked her to please not drop me as a client. I want this ending to go better than the last horrible ending my oT. I want the option to return as her client if this pursuit ends at a dead end. I don't want to be left alone! That is what I hear my fear of abandonment telling me, quite loudly, but as an adult, I know I can't be abandoned. I have options.

I have currently narrowed the field to two options. I will meet one of the persons tomorrow. If it goes well, I wonder if I should continue seeing the first option until I know if I want to stay or not; or, if I should interview the second options this week as well and then pick between the two. I tried to search this dilemma on this site to see what others had to say but wasn't very successful.
I would appreciate any input.

DR

I was amazed at how much better I felt after I received a reply from my T. This confirmed what I have learned on here about attachment. It really works. I thought that was cool! I think it is interesting that I am letting her know my feelings of attachment while at the same time I am making plans to terminate therapy with her.

deeplyrooted, I am so impressed with your strength in finding a new T, you sound like you have thought about it and have a very good plan in place on how to handle the situation. I'm facing a similar situation in that my T is changing where his practice is so instead of a 30 minute drive it will be about 50 minutes. I did think if this was too long to travel but I just couldn't face trying to find a new T.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should just quit therapy and go back to living my life! Looking for a new T is creating a lot more havoc than I anticipated. I met with one potential so far but she is not a good fit. I could have saved myself time and money if I had know anything about her before we met. On the other hand, I have to say that I learned something about myself and what I am looking for as a result of my session so maybe it wasn't a total waste. She recommended the name of a male T in her office. Not sure I am ready for a male but I am going to consider it. The man has a Master of Divinity and is a licensed counselor and can help me with the spiritual issues I am trying to deal with. This is a secondary reason to finding a new therapist that I didn't mention. I have the name of one other female so I will pursue her this week. So far, all are within ten minutes drive.

Daisy, I wish the process were as nicely packaged as it appears. I do understand the loyalty to a trusted T. I hope you have a few good CDs to listen to for that long drive. Remember, you are worth it!

deeplyrooted