Anon

I can relate.... Its ok Im sure it was just off hand joke...

I can understand how scary though.. one of my abusers knows I am in therapy

From what I've heard, most DID systems do not want to be recognized by just anyone, especially unsafe people. So maybe it's unlikely someone in your system would say something to them? Unless you have someone who would (which would cause you not to remember, I mean, like you said might have happened).

They may or may not know - but like Draggers said, there's no shame. And, if they do know maybe because they keep poking fun or whatever - you could tell them you have a diagnosis. I mean, if they are sorta demeaning you anyway you already know how insensitive they feel about it, unfortunately :/

(((Draggers))) Thanks, that's a good point. No one else has said anything to me. Then again, these people talk $#!+ behind peoples' backs all the time and I have to try really hard not to get drawn into it. I don't think it's shame so much as fear that causes me to want them to never know.

(((Ang))) Thanks for the reassurances. My mom knows I'm in therapy, she thought it was just for marriage stuff, because the event that initially caused me to have to go was related to H. So, she asked about it and if it was helping marriage stuff and I didn't want her thinking the issue was all with H or something, so I said, "Oh, no, it's individual therapy, not couples stuff." Immediately, she got this sarcastic voice and said, "Oh, for all your difficult childhood stuff?" And I tried to say, neutrally, because of how scary she is when defensive, "For whole life stuff," which was true. Those are the sort of reactions I'm afraid of. I think my dad also knows I was in therapy, but almost nothing at all, because I never see him.

(((Cat))) I think you're right. I don't think anyone inside would have told, that I know of. But, it just kind of flew me for a loop. Maybe my aunt said something to someone. I asked her repeatedly not to and she is a safe person, and I only mentioned it REALLY briefly...but her response was basically, "Don't buy into that, I doubt it, get a second opinion." She did say there was a huge amount of neglect and emotional abuse and I was a very detached, independent child, so it wasn't all invalidating.

And the joke did not come across as insensitive, just...playful? That's not what I'm scared of, because the joke itself would have been...accepting? The way it was told? That sister has an ED and used to do SI and everyone has always called her an exaggerator or drama queen and deny she had a problem (not me, but a couple of sisters and my mom) and invalidated bad stuff that happened to her, even when I didn't. So, I'm scared if they ALL know that it will happen to me too. Because I need to obsessively rewrite others beliefs over my own to be safe.


Three of my five siblings are living with my mom right now, so I really don't feel safe with them knowing at all, because the price is really high if my mom knows. Anything that threatens her self-image is a real problem and I will be attacked either directly or covertly and my reality will be twisted inside my brain, because she still has that power that her questioning my perception or my sense of how I think and feel and experience things just wipes them out and I am automatically wrong and a horrible person and I feel sick just thinking about it. I just want to feel safe.