monte, nice analogy. yes, something kicks the tv set and the picture dissolves, then another kick and it magically is fully functioning.

just what in the **** do they do to get us functioning again?? really, what is it they do?? sometimes it appears to be nothing.

is it just being listened to?? dang, at $120 an hour, surely my husband ought to be enough??

i really don't know what it is they do.

getting mad about everything, looks like i am getting fuel for the fire already...bah humbug, jill

home sick with a cold and on a really bad loop. i suspected my t lived near me. she had a cup from a restaurant in my neighborhood, and i said something about it, and could tell a slight sign of...oh yea, she is covering something up. so, got online, searched her address, and yes, despite that her office is ten miles away, we are in the same neighborhood.

i really hate this. i really feel so uncomfortable, so judged. i don't know why, i have never felt so personally yucky in t before, but she just seems smug. and now we are in the same hood. crap.

i honestly wish i would have never gone to her. it has not been that helpful.

i am so depressed. i don't think i will ever not be. i didn't go to a dinner tonight with my husband because i feel so lousy. part cold, part depression. he had to go and took my son (dinner and game in box seats at big stadium). and i feel like such a loser.

i felt optimistic earlier today, but now, knowing she is probably going to run in to me sometime, that we know probably some of the same people, oh, i just feel so ashamed, and so lousy.

i am either on cloud nine in a spiritual high, or down the drain. not much, other than numb, in the middle.

waaa! i am hopeless to ever change. ever. always loopy, always will be.

put me out of my misery. no, not sui. but miserable, and hopeless, and alone, and sick and fat and sad and old and childish and immature, and hopelessly lost in a bad spiral. again. it never ends....the depression is ruining my life.

I am just depressed and anxious all the time.

My Old P lives just a few blocks away and has a child at the same school that my child goes to, pretty awkward when we run into each other there, especially since it was a horrible ending. I have also seen him at the library.

(((((JILL)))))

So sorry you're so down. I'm also sorry you T lives in your neighborhood. I was so relieved when I found out that my T lived in a different township, which almost excludes entirely the possiblity of running into him. I like having my life separate.

I don't know what you would do about that? Talk to her about how uncomfortable it might be to run into her? Maybe come up with a plan, like if you saw each other out in public you woudl ignore each other. Which, of course, you'd do anyway. But at least talking about it might ease some of the anxiety of it happening.

Just a thought about your wide mood swings. I don't know about you but I used to only be depressed. So now I see it as a gift that sometimes I actually FEEL good, that those neurons are growing in my brain. The old stuff is still there and it'll take time for the good stuff to predominate. But I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing to have the looops. I see it as progress. Of course, I haven't actually talked to my T about my theory so I have no idea if I'm right. But it definitely seems like progress to feel good sometimes.

Sorry you coulnd't go with your husband and your son. It sounds like you weren't feeling safe enough?

(((((HUGS)))))

Liese

df, you know, really, she doesn't teach me many skills. for emotional regulation, i know to breathe, feel your body in the chair, feet on the floor...distract by doing something else...i don't know, sometimes i think buying and reading the book would be more effective. time with her traumatizes me more than any other t i have seen. it is the flipping lack of empathy.

this is something i found recently on therapy and empathy, talking about dyadic developmental therapy...
""Dyadic developmental psychotherapy involves creating a safe setting in which the client can begin to explore, resolve, and integrate a wide range of memories, emotions, and current experiences, that are frightening, stressful, avoided or denied. Safety is created by insuring that this exploration occurs with nonverbal attunement, reflective, non-judgmental dialogue, along with empathy and reassurance. As the process unfolds, the client is creating a coherent life story or autobiographical narrative that is crucial for attachment security and is a strong protective factor against psychopathology. Therapeutic progress occurs within the joint activities of co-regulating affect and co-constructing meaning.[19]

((later in the article))


IntersubjectivityEdit
Intersubjectivity[35] is an essential component of this treatment. Nonverbal attunement refers to the frequent interactions between a parent and infant, in which both are sharing affect and focused attention on each other in a way such that the child's enjoyable experiences are amplified and his/her stressful experiences are reduced and contained. This is done through eye contact, facial expressions, gestures and movements, voice tone, timing and touch. These same early attachment experiences, which are fundamental for healthy emotional and social development, are utilized in therapy to enable to the client to rely on the therapist to regulate emotional experiences and to begin to understand these experiences more fully. Such understanding develops further through engaging in a conversation about these experiences, without judgment or criticism. The therapist will maintain a curious attitude about the memories and behaviors, encouraging the client to explore them to better understand their deeper meanings in his life and gradually develop a more coherent life-story. This process may be stressful for the client, so the therapist will frequently "take a break" from the work, provide empathy for the negative emotion that may be elicited, and reassure the client about his efforts and the therapeutic relationship. ""

anyway, wish i could tell HER that, feel a bit afraid to print it out for her...but, it surely states that healing and learning these new neural pathways can only happen with empathy in the therapeutic relationship...

is it me? yet, i haven't had this problem before, and she is number 4...i wonder if she is a 'recovered borderline' and can't let herself get too emotional...she just seems so guarded and robotic. she just sits still and listens, and i swear, during one of my most vulnerable bloodlettings, she said 'that must be hard for you' in such a fake tone, that i started to dissociate.

gotta run, but i'll respond to each asap, jill

Hi Jill,

That's an interesting article. Are you saying that you aren't feeling much empathy from her? I have to say that I was feeling that way about my T. He is a CBT by training and we all know that emotions seems to be left out of that equation. I told him that it should be CBET. Anyway, I was kind of making the same assumptions about him. Of course, emotional expression in my FOO was forbidden. And, so I'm going to expect everyone to react to my emotions the way my FOO did. We've been working really slowly and I admit, I've had to take some risks. I decided yesterday that I'm going to have to learn to live with a certain amount of anxiety if I'm going to grow emotionally. I don't know if you can relate to any of that. But I'm just wondering if you would consider opening up to her about how frustrated you feel in therapy before deciding to find another therapist. It definitely sounds like she's the one you need to talk to about this and if you still don't get empathy then maybe it is time to move on.

Liese

quote:

Originally posted by Liese:
I decided yesterday that I'm going to have to learn to live with a certain amount of anxiety if I'm going to grow emotionally.
Liese

Wow, this really spoke to me, Liese. Can you expand on that thought? I'd love to hear more about this.

Hi Ladygrey,

I'll start a new thread called living with anxiety.

liese. y'no, the thing that i struggle with, is so much of this angst is related to 'our' relationship...and that should not feel so paramount. i really need skills. and i know that t's aren't going to be like a girlfriend who shares your emotions...

this is so hard. you are right, i do need to tell her. and what would be great, is if i could tell her in the moment of when i am feeling hurt or not cared for.

to address the dynamic when it happens. like, she gave me a handout, probably 20 pages stapled. she said that she thought she had already given it to me, but, since i didn't bring my stuff, she let me see a copy (that i presume she makes many for clients)...well, at the end, she wanted it back. which, i thought, i guess i hope i have that stuff, but, now, i think 'what is the harm in letting me keep it just in case i have misplaced it'. i dunno, maybe she wants me to be bold and ask for it.

what i need to learn is how to be assertive about my needs and my feelings. assertive. appropriately aggressive if need be. maybe she is trying to pull that out of me.

anyway, yes, i am going to have to live with anxiety as well, although i will say, mine has improved. now, it just seems to be waves of depression and hopelessness that i will ever reach an emotional maturity commeasurate with my years on the planet!

thanks for your response and i'll look for your new thread. jill

Jill,

I need skills too. Sometimes I think like my T purposely makes it so hard for me to talk about my feelings that I get mad. But talking about my needs and feelings is really hard for me to begin with. He has told me that he hopes that what happens in therapy will transfer to the real world. So, I have come to believe that he makes it hard for me because to make it easy wouldn't help me. And, if I can learn to open up to him and trust him, I can do the same thing IRL. It's a very frustrating process because I am such a pleaser and I don't want to say the wrong thing and get him mad at me. But then again, I'm the paying client here and I shouldn't be worried about that. I have to get past worrying about him being mad at me. I'm working very hard at getting past that.

I worry an awful lot about the dynamics of my relationship too. But isn't that what therapy is all about? It doesn't matter that it's therapy. You would probably worry about the dynamics of any relationship IRL if you let yourself get that close to people. Figuring out why you worry and what you can do to stop worrying will only help you get closer to people IRL, IMO.


HUGS,

Liese