I mark all kinds of anniversaries in my life and time with T is one for sure I celebrate with both my Ts (well.... Not one of my Ts (my regular) the first year, but this year I did). Just by sorta talking a little and then I give them something this year I have my T an art thing and a poem and this year my other T got an art thing but her official "anniversary" with me is in June so I may do a card then but I sorta grouped my T-versaries together.

I asked both my Ts if it would be okay to bring them something before I did - it took me 22 months before I could ask my regular T She has way mor boundaries than my other T and I almost died of shock when she said it was okay and could be helpful and therapeutic. My mistake assumptions continually shock me about her!! So I would ask - but it's also okay I bring and ask then but for me that would be too scary for my heart. I think alcohol (wine but if you both brew that too - its an art IMHO ) is a common gift. Your tough boundary T may surprise you.

I don't do birthday/holiday gifts for my Ts though don't know why.

Good luck! I think it is okay to want to mark milestones or stop to reflect and appreciate at intervals.

In general, that sort of stuff was ignored growing up. A combination of half my family being JW and the other half super-flakey means even birthdays often were acknowledged late and barely. So, I have this conflicted sort of it's stupid to celebrate and I'm not important enough to celebrate and really wanting to celebrate and be acknowledged all at the same time.

When my first T anniversary came up in September, I asked T about celebrating, but he took too long to get back to me, so I brought in a gift (hand-made sock monkey) on the day and he later found out that had been an anniversary gift and the next week brought me a piece of cake to celebrate (eating in front of T = AHHH). Just last week, he asked me to let him know about what both our T anniversary and my birthday are, so he can remember for us to celebrate them again this year. Just a little something together. It feels nice, not a big production, just to acknowledge that we are important to one another in a way.

hi Hoosier,
I don't celebrate anniversaries with my T (mainly because I suck at keeping track of them, I have no idea what date I started seeing him, I'm even a little vague on what month because I was already seeing him in couples' therapy and it was a slow gradual shift) BUT that being said I have definitely brought in gift and cards to mark significant progress in therapy.

The two major ones were designing and sewing a counted cross stitch piece that I gave as a thank you for all the progress and healing I had done. I wrote the world's longest thank you note (seriously it spilled over from a card to a note card. Yes, I am verbose everywhere. ) It was a really wonderful session when I gave it to him, he was very touched. Then we spent the rest of the session discussing what it had been like for me to do this.

The other gift was a heart box with a heart in it, to celebrate when I started to feel really secure in the connection. Again, very meaningful moment.

So yes, I think it is a good thing to mark this anniversary, to reflect on your progress and express your gratitude to your T. One of the things we discussed when I gave him the cross stitch was that emotional regulation was important in order to feel the "good" emotions too.

And your gift sounds perfect. It's something you made and is inexpensive (most Ts won't want to take something that is very expensive as it can blur what the relationship is about). I hope it goes well, let us know.

AG

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I want to celebrate our 1 year anniversary but I am nervous that would seem silly or childish or even violate some boundary.

Same here! Those dang boundaries...!
Seriously, our 1 year ann. is in two weeks, and we would actually have a session planned as they're almost always on Fridays, but he's going to be out of town. So... not only will I probably have to skip a week , but I won't be able to see him on our anniversary. I still want to celebrate somehow though. I thought about making him some baklava (I think he would like it) and bringing it in at the appointment either before or after the ann., or of just sending a card, but... I don't know. He probably has no clue that our 1 year mark is coming up - understandably - yet I've had it in the back of my mind (ok, sometimes front!) since Day One.
Yeah, I'm sentimental when I get attached....

Starry

quote:

Yeah, I'm sentimental when I get attached...

I think that's very sweet and an amazing gift when somebody who has been hurt and had their trust broken can begin to trust again, to connect, with someone. I think acknowledging that in whatever small way is a gift in itself, a way of saying, "You are safe to me and it makes such a difference." I think many Ts would very much appreciate knowing that their client values the relationship and the work.

quote:

I think acknowledging that in whatever small way is a gift in itself, a way of saying, "You are safe to me and it makes such a difference." I think many Ts would very much appreciate knowing that their client values the relationship and the work.

Aw, thanks, Yaku! That gives me the encouragement I needed. And I DO feel safe - so safe with him. That is a gift to me, I feel.

I wonder if sometimes Ts hear more gripes than appreciation, and maybe it really would make a difference. WHEN I could email my T (not bitter, not bitter...) , I often told him how much I appreciated him - his patience, honesty, gentleness, and integrity. Saying it to his face is going to be sooo much harder! Recently, when I tried, I felt all choked up and unable to verbalize my feelings. I end up only saying a fraction of what I was feeling/thinking, and I'm sure he was wondering what the heck my sudden aphasia-like problem was.

Never a dull moment, eh?
Starry

Hi Hoosier, I'm not sure we have "met" so welcome.

I definitely celebrate anniversaries and have done so with both of my Ts. With my current T I celebrated or acknowledged our six months anniversary as something very special because I didn't think I would ever last that long with him after being traumatized by my oldT. So I gave him a card with a note and a gift of a battery powered candle because I always told him he was my light in the darkness. He loved it, even though he is a VERY boundaried T and I was half-terrified of giving it to him. It now sits on his bookshelf and it has a timer which turns it on each day at my appointment time which I love.

At one year I also gave him a meaningful gift and wrote him a card and included a song that related to the gift. He again really liked it and it also sits on his bookshelf. After each gift we spend time discussing it, what it means to me, how I felt giving it to him, etc. They were productive conversations and as Echoes mentioned, it helped us to feel closer.

I plan to celebrate my graduation from college with him next week. For this I did ask permission first because it involves eating/drinking a beverage together. I did not want to blindside him with this... but my point is that is is very important to acknowledge and celebrate these important milestones with our Ts and it spurs conversation and creates an important bond between us.

I think your idea (especially as it is a shared interest between you) is lovely. Definitely include a card or a note. My T seems to love those best.

Let us know how it turns out.

TN

Thanks for all the encouragement and great ideas. I will be taking a small jug (called a growler) of my home brew that she can enjoy at home while I have a smaller bottle that we can share in session (Its just a couple of sips worth each and we meet at end of day). For this past christmas, I made her four homemade cards that she could give to others and found some really good Jung quotes that I put in the cards. She from time to time would send me quotes via email that she thought relevant to me and I would joke with her that Jung should have his own Hallmark line. So I made a selection. She loved them and gave them to her therapist friends. That did give me a lot of happiness. I just mostly want her to know that I do appreciate her and I wanted to share a little of my world with her that didn't involve trauma or grief. I see her Thursday so I will let you know how it goes.

Good luck with your session Hoosier!

In the past I've celebrated anniversaries to the extent that I gave my T a card the first year. The second year we had a session on the exact day and I brought up that it had been two years. This year our third anniversary was this past Sunday. I didn't say anything, T didn't either and I don't plan to. We aren't on great terms right now so I'm not if we'll have a fourth or not. I've given my T small homemade gifts and cards for various occasions. I don't plan to do that in the future.