NavyMe, hi.

I did talk to T just this Wednesday about a dream I had had just that night. Also, I had looked back in my journal and in February had a dream about her and my therapy (I read her the journal entry). It was specifics of what I needed/wanted to work through with her in therapy. It was also her telling me I only had 5 months of therapy left, till she read some of her session notes to me and I forgot one part of telling her, and then she said therapy would go longer than 5 months. It felt very natural to talk to her about it. A month or so ago, I had a dream about being there (I 'thought' this was the first one ever about her or therapy - didn't remember the one in February till I went back in my journal and was reading it), and mentioned in talking to her and she immediately wanted to know more. I said, "Well, I wasn't in your office. I was in your waiting room. I think I just needed to talk to you." That was the end of the discussion about it.

I think if it comes up a lot in your mind, you might have a reason you want to talk to her about your dream.

NavyMe.... I don't believe dreaming things indicates you are going to do them and I don't think your T will feel that way either. Dreams are where we try to work out issues that are unsettled in our unconscious. And those issues may not even have anything to do with your T. Dreams contain a LOT of symbolism. I think you should tell your T and talk about it with her.

I don't often dream of my T's. I actually had more dreams about my oldT but only two about my current T. I shared my dreams with both of them... even the ones that were a bit intimate and scary to share. For example, I had a dream about my current T while he was away on vacation and it was that he and I were slow dancing and he was dressed in a Tux (looking really good ) and I was in a ballgown. I can STILL see him in that darn Tux in my head LOL. Anyway, he thought it was wonderful and brave of me to share the dream and then we had a good discussion about it. So I felt it was worth it to tell him. I also found out that he's really into discussing dreams and their interpretations and he is very good at it.

I'd say go for it...

TN

I agree with the others here. Dreams aren't stalkerish, they're just dreams. I managed to share a dream with oldT abouot how she was on a field trip with me and wound up telling me she had the same pajamas as the ones I was wearing. She thought the dream was great!

I can understand if some dreams feel too scary to share though. Once I dreamed that oldT let me cuddle up in bed with her and fall asleep. It was just way, way too intimate to share at the time. If we had kept working together, maybe at some point I would have trusted her enough to talk about it.

I often dream about my T and I've told her about a few of the dreams. She'll usually ask where I think the material of the dreams is coming from, and I'll offer up my suggestions and interpretations which we'll discuss a bit, which usually leads me back into a discussion of feelings that are relevant to the work we are doing. She doesn't seem to be herself very much into dream analysis or interpretation, so sharing dreams in therapy, for me, has been more of a way of sharing where I'm at while simultaneously providing a springboard into deeper discussion.

I can understand wanting to hold back, though, I never told my T about the dream where she was burning my arm with a cigarette. . . or about the one a few months later where I threw an ashtray at her head! No clue where all that imagery is coming from since I'm not a smoker and neither is anyone close to me. What the heck, maybe I'll go ahead and explore this at my next session. Thanks for the idea.

Good luck with your decision. For what it's worth, I seriously doubt any T would be disturbed by your dream. I think they must all know to take that stuff symbolically instead of literally.

I don't think I have ever had a dream about my T. This is surprising actually because I usually have very vivid dreams and often dream about people I know, and especially when there is something about them I need to work out emotionally. Sometimes I wish I would dream about her, but then it might make my attachment even more painful. If I did dream about her, it would probably take some courage to work up to telling her, but I think I would. It wouldn't be nearly as bad as our first conversation about transference.

Navyme,
Just want to add to the chorus that your T won't be upset about you dreaming. As TN said, our dreams are our way of working through things.

I have brought a lot of dreams into therapy, and have had a number of major breakthroughs based on what discussing them brought up. I went through one period where I was dreaming about being with my Ts family a couple times of week.

I dreamed about sessions often enough that I actually have a "dream" version of my Ts office. It doesn't look all that much like his office, but it's consistent in my dreams of his office. One time I actually had a dream in which my T stood up suddenly in the middle of a session and said he needed to be excused for a minute (with no other explanation) and walked out, never to return. I was so freaked when I woke up and couldn't shirk the feelings that I ended up making an emergency phone call to my T. That lovely man actually audibly winced when I told him about him walking out and told me that he really understood why I called and reassured me that he wouldn't be abandoning me.

The truth is that therapy is a place where it is appropriate to talk about anything and everything, including your dreams.

AG

I've had three dreams that were distinctly about my T and I, and I've felt his "presence" in too many to count. I did tell him of the three vivid ones, and he was very interested. He had great insight into two of them - the third was just kind of odd and he didn't say much!

1 - (fyi, kinda graphic) this was after I had just started therapy. I'm very independent and always want to do things myself, so... In the dream, I was myself standing in a huge operating room. A bunch of interns were hovering over a body on the operating table, discussing what to do, when I suddenly realized it was ME on the table. I ran over to them and insisted I do the surgery myself, but they wouldn't listen and made me stand aside. I watched them cut my torso open, straight down the middle, and then they just stepped aside, held out the surgical tools, and said, "here you go, your turn now." I was aghast and I said, "no, I can't do this! I don't know what to do!" And they didn't budge, just stood there waiting for me to come take over while I panicked. Then, suddenly a door on the side of the room opened, and my T walked in, wearing a white surgical coat. I instinctively knew that he was there to help me, to do the surgery for me, and I didn't have to do it alone.
The meaning was so simple and profound, it's been almost a year and is as vivid as the day after. I know my T is here to help me, and I am safe in his hands.

Starry

I've had maybe about 5 dreams of my T during the 9month therapy together so far.

I tell her all because she's all into dream interpretation and she's come up with some good answers.

Usually my dreams involve her being next me or with me and then all of a sudden, disappearing and me looking around for her in a fright. They are not nice dreams to have and highlight my anxiety over her not being the person I want her to be.

Well, I don't want to threadjack, so I'll just paraphrase the other two. (my goal here is to make you feel better, hehe!)


2 - I was in charge of a children's party, and there were a flurry of kids running around in this big room. It was chaos. Suddenly I see a little girl around age 4 coming towards me with dark curls, rosy cheeks, and big brown eyes. I look around to see who brought her bc I'd never seen her before, and all at once see T there and know that she is HIS. He was just sitting in a chair like he sits in our sessions, and had this calm gaze fixed on his daughter. I took her by the hand, understanding that she didn't know where to go, and that he was trusting me to take care of her. I glanced back at him while I walked her into another room, and he was still just calmly gazing at her.

I asked T what he thought this meant, and he said the little girl probably represented my therapy - that which he offers to me. He trusts in the process (calm, focused gaze) and I accept it, wanting to do my best. My own theory, because the little girl's appearance was a blend of my T and I, was that she represented ME - who I am becoming as I continue to learn and grow. I shared this with T and he said that's possible, too, and then we talked about how patients are often like offspring of a good therapist - one who has taught them well and "raised" them to "maturity."
The dream left me with a good feeling, a sense that I'm on the right path.
Sharing it with T was invaluable! I would add my voice to the others - your T surely won't think anything stalkerish of you, and you may gain great insight in sharing and discussing it!


Blessings,
Starry

Your T won't be upset.

I have dreams about my Ts sometimes - if I do it will be a few in a row. But it's been a while. Both my Ts will show up in most of them if I do dream Nothing very interesting has happened in sharing it, but I don't think my Ts really do any interpretation of dreams they'll ask a little what I think then we move on. So it's very casual and okay!!

Hi Navy,

do you often talk about dreams in your therapy in general? is it weird to bring up because you don't often talk about dreams, or because it's about her?

I've had several dreams about my T, and never brought any of them to her. WAY too scary for me. Well, there were two I brought to her that were kind of about her, in a way, but she didn't figure in them directly. One was about her office, the other was about calling her voice mail. The dreams where she has appeared though... there is something incredibly awkward about sharing those for some reason. And it's not even like the dreams are 'rated X' or graphic or especially weird. It just feels so, so intimate.
However, we've had entire sessions devoted to dreams I've had that were not about her. She is BIG on dream analysis and does pretty well with interpretation. Like others have said, what comes up around the dream is really the meat of the matter-- not the dream itself.

Let us know how it goes if you decide to tell her! I'll be in awe of your bravery

Yes, I've dreamed about my T. It was happening more before I started to feel safe. I used to have really intricate, complex ones about being hurt or abandoned by him. Also, a couple of reparative ones that suggested while some parts of me are distrustful of him, other parts knew he was safe. I've had a few that were horrible nightmares and a few that were deeply connecting.

Recently, it's more mundane stuff, like I can't get to my session on time, his phone stops working and I can't get a hold of him, etc.

I think I've always told him about them eventually, but 90% of the time it is in writing, because: 1) I am a much better writer than I am a speaker; and 2) it was terrifying to try to say some of that stuff out loud. He has always been really accepting. We never really went into them together, but I think I did so much of my own analysis when disclosing the dream that there wasn't much need to. We have talked about other non-T related dreams together and I have found that helpful.

I've had two dreams about my T. One early on where it was the end of session and I was leaving, I turned to say goodbye and then told him I didn't think I could do therapy anymore and he said, "Okay, bye!" and slammed the door in my face! That one made me a little sad, but I only mentioned it to T in passing as it made perfect sense to me (I was having second thoughts about whether I could handle therapy at the time).

The second one was a month or so ago and revolved around him coming to my house to tell me he wanted to skip our session so he could do something else and ended with him sexually assaulting me. I woke up in tears and wrote it all down and gave it to him to read after my next session (I couldn't bear watching him read it).

He emailed me a couple of hours later and was so kind, telling me he thought I was really brave for sharing it with him, explaining exactly why he thought I'd had the dream and why there may be more to come, and then he finished off his email with a reminder of what to do/who to talk to if I ever feel uncomfortable around him in reality.

He was so reassuring, and his explanation made perfect sense (in our following session he even drew a graph to illustrate his points, which cracked me up), but that dream still wrecked me for days. I really hope he's wrong about there possibly being more.

Yes, I have had dreams about my T and her office!

The majority of the dreams are really great and comforting. There was one dream where I was helping her organize her office. Another dream had me going in circles in the clinic hallways and I couldn't find my way out (that was one that bothered me). The other office dream was about me having a major breakthrough in our work and having a great session. I could only feel T's presence, but I couldn't see her. I was in her office and it looked just like it really does. Some of my best dreams with T involve me seeing her outside of session where she is just there and comforting me through something and she hugs me. One dream I remember in particular I went to T's house for a small group session for T's in training and her boyfriend was there, but not in the same room as we were. The feeling I got through out that dream was that their relationship was strained. I picked up on something about T in my previous session and I think that some how got in my dream. Oddly enough I actually saw T out and about a week after that dream and she was telling me about some of her troubles. She and her boyfriend were actually having a difficult time (they ended up breaking up-she doesn't know I know that though).

I had quite a few dreams about my ex-therapist, but I never told him. Here they are:

1)This one was before I met him: My sister was sick and lying in a bedroom at our grandparents' house (she's a patient of his, btw). She was supposed to have a session with him, but instead, he came there. In real life, my sister started seeing him before I did, and told me he looks like Robert De Niro. So, in the dream, I wanted to peek into the room and check if he looks like De Niro.

2)The other dream from before I met him: I was in some big building with doctors' offices with my grandpa and sister. We were looking for another doctor's office, but got T's office instead. We asked him for help, and he asked which "hip" doctor I need (making a pun because I have HIP Medicaid, lol).

3)I was talking to T about my problems, and he was sitting and playing with a yo-yo. Then he was like, "OK, that's enough" and dropped it on the floor, and it rolled away.

4)He called me, but I was eating something and my hands were greasy, so I asked my grandma to pick up. She was talking to him very rudely, using the familiar form of "you" (they spoke Russian) and calling him by his last name. Then she was going to say something, but he hung up on her, and she said he was a jerk.

5)He was at our house, and my mom made fried macaroni and offered some to him.

6)My grandma was talking to him on the phone, and instead of talking normally, he was reading a passage from a book. And my grandma was giving me looks, like he was nuts.

7)I was getting married and before the wedding, I was in a room with all my guests. Then T came in with his wife, and my sister came up to him and gave him a hug. I was wearing red lipstick, and his wife told me that it doesn't suit me. lol T asked if he could hug me, and I was like "No!" in sort of a joking way, but he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

8)My sister and I came to see him for a last session. Our mom was there and told us to give him a goodbye hug, and my sister hugged and kissed him. Then I was about to hug him too, but thought, "No, this is too weird", so I shook his hand instead.

9)My sister and I were part of some court case and he was a witness or something like that. We left the courthouse and saw him, and then ran to him and yelled, "Save us!" He looked completely different than he does in real life.

10)I came to his office, and my dad was there before me. T told me to wait for him and take my birth control pills meanwhile.

11)I was walking in some forest with my grandma and he was there and told us he'll go to a barber shop when the war ends (He's bald in real life. )

12)He was driving my whole family in a car somewhere.

13)I was climbing a steep hill with him, my mom, my sister, and some other people. I kept sliding down, so I called the others to help me up. T stretched out his hand and so did my sister, but he pushed her back because he wanted to be the only one helping me up. (I'm thinking this is a metaphor for how he wanted me to rely on him to solve my problems, not my family)

14)I was in his office before he got there with my dad and two sisters. Then he came in and I made some joke.

15)I went to some woman's house with my mom and sister, and she turned out to be his mom. Then we were sitting at the table with his family, and somebody was like, "Richard [not his real name] should see you here." I played dumb and was like, "Who's Richard?"

16)It was my college graduation, and he was one of the speakers.

17)His daughter was in my class, and she had the same name as him, but with a middle initial. She was doing a presentation with her group, and I wanted to ask her if she knows him and if I could add her on Facebook.

18)I scheduled an appointment with him, just to talk about the Father's Day card I sent him and ask why he didn't acknowledge it in any way (real life). I took the bus, and when I got off, I started to panic and couldn't find his office anyway, so I decided to go talk to the dad of this religious Jewish girl I know instead. lol I went to this synagogue, where he was a rabbi and spoke to him as if he was my T, telling him how disappointed I was. He was acting like a real therapist and told me he was proud of me for taking a risk. Then my T texted me and asked if I was coming, so I called him. He asked what kind of Russian meat pies I wanted (he was ordering them), and I said that I don't eat them. Then he asked me if I'll have tea, and I said maybe.
Then I went to his office, and there were two other girls there while I was talking to him. I mentioned the Father's Day card, and he was like, "Oh, that one! I got it while on vacation in Europe, and opened it, thinking I'll look at it later, and never did. I was actually hoping to read it while you were here, so we could talk about it." There was a computer in his office, and I was trying to get him to look at the card, but he was distracted. First the two girls left, then he got some phone call about a luncheon, and then a group of people came in, and I was like, "Do you guys mind? We're in the middle of a session", so they left. (The reason I remember this one is because I have it written down in my journal, lol).

19)I asked him if he missed me and he told me he missed me "professionally" (whatever the hell that means).

20)It was my birthday and he was there. I was trying to take a group photo, but he wasn't showing up in it.

I wonder why almost all of these dreams feature my family members.

I also had a couple of dreams about my current T:

1) I had a session with her in her apartment (we really do have sessions there sometimes; we used to meet there all the time before I started coming to her office) and my family was there. I went into the kitchen to get pancakes that she made before.

2) This one was before we started meeting at her office: I had a session in her apartment, and her grandchildren unexpectedly showed up, so T told me to hide. lol I hid, and later asked her why we don't meet in her office instead. And she was like, "Because I don't know you well enough to meet there."