I'm just having one of those down moments.
Actually, it's been a few days. I'm feeling lonely. I'm surrounded by people in some way, but feel like I'm on the outskirts or distant. I'm not quite sure if this is making sense. I think I'm disappointed about my weekend. I had plans to be with my boyfriend and to meet up with people this weekend. My bf and I may be on the outs. I think I'm feeling down about that. Our relationship is getting really awkward. I haven't heard from him today or last night. I left a message, but he hasn't returned my call. He might leave town for the holidays and spend possibly a week with his ex's side of the family. Of course, my mind is jumping to conclusions and I'm thinking that he is going to be with the ex and might be getting back with her.
Then, I planned this gathering of friends to hang out and chit chat today, but no one showed up. One person said they would, but asked me how many people were going. When I said just her, she told me that she couldn't make it to my get together.
At least I ran into one of my cousins and she invited me to sit with her and her fiance all afternoon. We had a nice conversation and a great meal. I had too much to drink in a short period of time also, so I hung out at the restaurant for several hours longer than I had originally planned.
Here's the part where the personal account about therapy comes in....
One of the reasons I chose to plan my gathering at a certain restaurant was just in case my former T was there. She had mentioned in several sessions over the last couple of years that if I saw her at "her" restaurant on "her" day around a certain time, we could chit chat. I had so badly wanted to connect with former T just for a couple of minutes to share some information that I was learning in school, an upcoming conference I know she would be interested in, and to see how she was doing. No such luck today. Former T didn't show up.
On a positive note I did connect with a couple of people at church this AM. That lifted my spirit.
I still feel like crying tonight though.
I think I'm going to snuggle into my pjs, watch a movie, and go to bed early.
I miss my boyfriend, a warm body to cuddle up with, friends, and my former T.
to you too!
