Hi MMM,

I am not a fan of my birthday, either. It holds some painful memories in my family of events on that date before I was born, and while I was a kid, I was somewhat oblivious to it all. I was never comfortable in the spotlight (the picture of me at my 5th birthday party at school had me in tears because I didn't want a picture taken!) and things went all downhill from there.

In the past few years, with the help of T, I've tried to do something special just for me on that day. It isn't easy, but it is slowly getting more tolerable.

Good luck to you.... I know it isn't easy and wish I could offer you something more helpful!

((MMM))

Sounds like shame coming up for you - if it wouldn't be too uncomfortable you may ask not to have your birthday acknowledged. I've respected that when others have asked in the past.

I dislike mine right now as I'm in a transition between no partner, no family (though I intend to create my own 'family' someday) - I'm essentially alone very frequently. I love to other's birthdays, family gatherings and celebrations/holidays - I love surprising and planning for things. Truthfully, my partners have been less than stellar here - all of them have said to me at some point "I wish I was as thoughtful as you are". Growing up birthdays were big so I actually don't mind the celebration part but I'd never plan my own. I admitted to my Ts this year that... I really wish I had a partner or something so that I actually HAD someone to coordinate. Which I know sounds sorta bad, but my Ts normalized it - it's normal to want that and it happens in many partnerships/families. It was a big step for me to realize this because I've always dismissed and minimized a desire for others in my life.

My sadness about my birthday is always about my accomplishments/progressions, and disappointments in myself regardless of any celebration so in a way I do hate it. I don't like the attention at birthdays (re: singing, or strangers knowing, or really saying anything to people) but I do a lot of performing, speaking, introducing myself to strangers as part of my hobbies and work (and personality - if I see anyone alone and/or nervous in a group I try to say hello) so anyway... I don't mind the attention but when I'm feeling super ashamed I get a lot of internal messages. On the outside I cope well, a part of me is really good at that crap.

Me too. Just want to run away, hide, be alone and pretend the day doesn't exist. Problem is my family and friends don't know that is how I feel, so they think I should want to celebrate and be happy, I mean that is the normal thing to do right? Well I don't want to celebrate. I don't want to talk about it or even tell them why. I just wish I didn't have to lie about being happy to them. (Actually I wish I didn't have to lie about that all year round). All I want to do on my birthday is cry. I get such anxiety just thinking about it, and it feels like everyone is putting me under pressure to be the centre of attention and happy and it freaks me out. I work myself up weeks before just trying to come up with an excuse to escape. I haven't got a plan yet as to how I am going to escape it all this year, but one way or another I will not be celebrating it.

B2W

MMM -- I have a horrible time when it comes to my birthday. I'm sorry that you have that experience, too (as well as the rest of you).

I discovered this year that more CSA stuff would happen on my birthday. It's why I have strong SU every year on that day, not to mention tons of other reactions, too. But it's tied in with a lot of what Cat and B2W mentioned also. Birthdays can be really tough. I hate that that's the case. Maybe I'll start celebrating August 13th...the day AFTER my birthday. I can celebrate that it's over!!

Regardless, do whatever you want to on your birthday. Don't pressure yourself to be around people. Society tells us that we should celebrate birthdays a certain way - with parties and friends and family and presents - but maybe that's not the way it has to be all the time.

Birthdays have never been a big deal in my life, so I can't say this is something I've had to struggle with. Maybe that's a good thing? I'm wondering what it would feel like. Birthdays were not really celebrated in my FOO and I don't think H cares much about them either.

I just use my birthday as an excuse to go out to eat with H (this year we invited my brother and his girlfriend along as), and I'll usually buy myself a present-- a CD or some perfume or something. And. . . that's pretty much it, end of celebration. I believe having things low key is less stressful. I'd probably feel confused and overwhelmed by a lot off fuss as well.

Hi Everyone -

Thanks so much for all of your responses. I have to admit I'm having a really rough day today (it's tomorrow) and I keep thinking that I wish I could just fast-forward.

All of your posts and support make me feel better.

Thanks, guys.