incognito,

I've often wondered about this. I don't have a diagnosis, either. I know that I have the right to demand that any T I'm working with tell me what they're putting on my insurance forms.

I've always rattled around in my head whether it's a good idea or not.

I've been trying to get a diagnosis for my son for years. For him it's a matter of a diagnosis bringing about more services, but sometimes I think it would make me feel better if someone could say, "yes, this is what it is."

But getting a diagnosis is hard, everything is so close and overlapping that trying to find one diagnosis can be very hard. PTSD, depression, ADHD, bipolar, RAD, autism, they all overlap. I can see where having a name to go along with what you're feeling can give you a place to start, a base to work from. And pinpointing it can make it seem more real, and not just like it's "all in your head." But I don't think it's important in getting the proper treatment, as long as the therapist recognizes the issues.

I've found that therapists don't like to diagnosis, while psychiatrists do because that's how they decide what medicine to try. I've had many of my son's Ts tell me they treat the behaviors and symptoms, and don't really look to the diagnosis to decide on a treatment plan.

I think if you can relate to PTSD, it's not important to have someone diagnose you with it. If your T realizes that it describes some of what you deal with, then he can help you without actually labeling it.

OW

One session this past summer, I demanded to know what the hell was wrong with me, and I didn't mean the horrific anxiety symptoms I was having.

My T told me that I was heart sick, and that I was thawing from 40 years of not feeling anything after having suppressed the anger and hurt of having an emotionally useless and neglectful father and a mother incapable of warmth my entire life. It made perfect sense to me as a diagnosis.

Russ

Incognito

I asked my T once what my diagnosis was and she said that by law she had to tell me.

I do have cptsd myself and it is incredibly painful. But to know that I have it has helped me to know how to approach my problems. There is a wonderful book by Dr. Judith Lewis Herman called "Trauma and Recovery" that address these issues. I cried when I read the book it was such a relief to know that someone understood what was happening to me.

Ingognito,
My T has said the same thing to me about diagnosing and labeling too. That managing them and overcoming them is what we need to focus on.

There seems to be a double edged sword in knowing a diagnosis sometimes. I feel like knowing what I have is knowing what I'm up against and it allows me to get educated and choose the best form of treatment. But knowing also puts a label on it and creates the stigma "see there IS something wrong with me!"

I think if you really feel like you need to know then your T should tell you, but you have to realize that knowing the diagnosis does not change anything for you or the treatment plan your T has developed for you. It doesn't confirm that you are defective, but that is how it may make you feel. I know I have CPTSD and I am sure there are other things that she has to send to the insuruance company that explain the codes she uses. We are also talking about a dissociative disorder and where I fit into that continuum. She only told me that because she knew that I would become suspicious of her questionings as she trys to determine that. So she mentioned a couple possiblitites but made it clear that this changes nothing about me. Whatever the diagnosis is it has always been there and doesn't make me defective and it does not define me, of which she worries about me feeling if given a label.

And HB, could be power of suggestion but that OD sounds like me too. My thoughts are a vicous cycle sometimes that I can't figure out how to stop. Last night on that other topic I posted (that I so wish I hadn't right now) I went right into an obsessive cycle and I am still reeling in it today. I do that about a lot of things without ever being able to accomplish anything with it. Like you said, a circle with no exit. Then again, when dealing with CPTSD and DDNOS it is probably easy to think of many disorders as being fitting. I've asked if I was BPD or bipolar and she said no, not at all. Not even close and I had thought I fit those patterns too.

Right now I wish I could just get off this merry -go- round.
JM

((JM)) I know how hard it is to get off the merry-go-round. For months, I have been going around on was my childhood really that bad or am I big whiner and while my T talked to me and posting here helped I still found it hard to let go of the feeling that it was my fault, that I was different than everyone else. For some reason, I felt better when we I saw the diagnosis. It may have no impact on the treatment but right now it has given me a little peace, maybe I will be able to work on healing without questioning whether there is anything to heal. I hope you find some peace off your merry-go-round soon.

Good luck to everyone finding there own healing path. I love being able to discuss things on this forum and appreciate all comments.

we got a diagnosis so we could ge some therapy paid for. but it were short term and we still there but paying for our own.

we had to go to a psycholgist for that. and i voluntered to talk to him! HAHA! brave me. actualy it were cuz him had a sandtray table i wanted to play in.

so once you talks to me, yep,you can't deny it! HAHA! but we ofically DIDNos cuz him don'tlike to put on DID.

samy

Thanks for the hug.

quote:

I felt better when we I saw the diagnosis. It may have no impact on the treatment but right now it has given me a little peace, maybe I will be able to work on healing without questioning whether there is anything to heal.

I get that too. A diagnosis can also be validating and help to uproot those negative and false beliefs we pound ourselves with.

I don't think you're a whiner at all. Whiners just whine and don't do anything to make themselves better. We cry because we hurt and we work hard to regulate ourselves and center ourselves so that we can have a better life and give our children a better chance than we had. Whiners don't do that. They just remain victims. We're survivors!

(((Incognito)))
JM

quote:

so once you talks to me, yep,you can't deny it! HAHA! but we ofically DIDNos cuz him don'tlike to put on DID.

Samy, Can you tell me why your Psychologist doesn't like to use DID?

I don't want to hijack this post, but sometimes I have so many questions I'd like to ask all of you. But I feel like I'd be jumping the gun because I don't know where I am at in the continuum yet and I need to just let whatever comes up come up and not focus on what it means yet. I don't want the power of suggestion to play into my behavior if you know what I mean. BTW, my T doesn't think I am DID, but she has not ruled it out completely either. We are in a discovery phase I guess you might say. And Samy, I don't know if how I will say this will be able to translate what I mean from my heart, but apart from "why" any other identities or egos "had to be created," I am happy you are here. I hope that makes sense.
JM

I had a fun back-and-forth with Tfella once when I was nosing about for a diagnosis.

He was listing off the issues I had, since I'd asked, and one of them was language issues - not having the language to talk about emotions (there's other posts here on that).

He asked me how the list made me feel - if I felt like it was off base, if I felt X, if I felt Y. I said, "Yep all of those." Him: "Right, but could you put it into your own words?" Me: *bigsmile* "Um...didn't you just say I was bad at that?" *he doesn't miss a beat* "Which is why you need to practice." Me: "_Nice_."

So, I'm sure it's just as well I haven't gotten some sort of official diagnosis. I think I'd run around with it tied around my neck wailing, "But see? I haz _problems_!" in a way that I don't feel justified doing now. And it's great to hear how some of your Ts have treated this - that it doesn't change who you are as a person, or how your T relates to you.

I'd like to be there someday.

quote:

I think I'd run around with it tied around my neck wailing, "But see? I haz _problems_!"

Hey Wynne,
I was thinking of something in the way of antoher t-shirt we could add to our collection of therapy forum fashion.

But you wear it however you want to. It's yours whenever you decide to own it. When it's justified and all.

Hey Samy I am glad you feel brave enough to be yourself here. I had a friend with DID and I saw how hard she struggled to get better but she did get better!! She is doing really well now!!

(((Samy)))

CPTSD stands for Complex post traumatic stress disorder.

I forget what DDNOS means.

Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.

What they said.

I had to come back and read this thread again since my T and I had a lengthy dsicussion about this the other day. BTW, can I eat my words and chew them up and spit them out??

It is still true that sometimes not knowing is better, but I hate the impending feeling that something is wrong with me and everybody knows it but me. (Lets try banging my head against that proverbial wall again)

Ok, so I know I am not DID and I really didn't think I was and neither did she, but there was need for exploration so I asked her what she has determined and she said "I haven't determined anythng."
Me "Ok, so what is the diagnosis?"
T: "There is no diagnosis."

Enter lengthy dialogue here of me insisting and she declining any need for a diagnosis or for me to know if there was one.

She insisted that she refuses to label and for someone like me it would especially detrimental for her to do that.

Enter further unsuccesful dialogue and attempt for me to convince her that I need to know while she insists there is nothing to know. So I slyly ask, "So what do you send to the insurance company?" (Da da dun) Brave soul am I...

And she in her very animated and passionate way says "NOTHING! I refuse to send them anymore than I have to especially a diagnosis that can have such a negative impact on someone's life! I will never do that"

Hmmm....did you catch that part?
..."especially a diagnosis that can have such a negative impact on someone's life!..."

So does this mean there IS a diganosis and she is just not telling me? She says 'no, she does not consider diagnosing me for any purpose because it has nothing to do with my treatment so it doesn't matter even to her.'

Yet there is that impending feeling
...something IS wrong with me and nobody will tell me.

I spent the rest of my day feeling highly triggered and activated and feared my T was frustrated with me. Though she has since ressured me that she is not. I get to see her again today and I have much other stuff to discuss with her so I guess I will leave this topic off with her for now. My is she stubborn.

quote:

Hmmm....did you catch that part?
..."especially a diagnosis that can have such a negative impact on someone's life!...

JM,
My take here would be that she's talking in a general sense, not particularly about you. And I know that my T seems to have a similar attitude in some ways. Not so much about the diagnosis as that he feels like the healing unfolds in a unique way for each person and in order to pursue it you have to just be really open and okay with not knowing how its going to go. He's told me that can be quite difficult to convey to insurance companies.

I really think your T is just trying to keep things open enough so that you will have the freedom to go where you need to and explore anything that you need to. And in the end, the diagnosis really doesn't mean anything. You are you, a unique worthwhile valuable person and who you are is NOT changed by how you are labled.

AG

Awww! Gee, thanks for the nice words, AG.

My T said pretty much the same thing about keeping it open enough to allow for whatever needs to come up and not to have a diagnosis determine what that is. So I get it, but it's just so hard to live w/ the feeling something is wrong with me and nobody has the courage to tell me the secret. It feels like they are all standing back looking at me with astonishment muttering, "If she knew the truth she would really fly of the handle." And this was sort of confirmed in a conversation I had with my sister yesterday that she and my other siblings used to wonder "What is wrong with "JM""

I said, "Yeah, I've always sensed that. So what did you mean by it?" I guess they didn't undertsand my moodiness, my hyper-vigilance to fear, and why I behaved the way that I did. I wonder how the people closest to me could be so blinkin clueless.

There seems to be a lot of secrets in my life. Not exluding my mothers suicide attempt when I was 10 years old, and the fact that my father wanted to give me up at one time. I suppose that would obviously create some instablity and alienation on my part. Ya think?

No one ever told me what the H was going on. But I will, "YOUR FAMILY IS SCREWED UP!!!"
Hows that for a diagnosis? Acute Dysfunctional Family Disorder. Symptoms: Everybody else lives in denial while you struggle to find answers to life's most perplexing questions, like "Was I adopted or something??"

JM

quote:

Acute Dysfunctional Family Disorder. Symptoms: Everybody else lives in denial while you struggle to find answers to life's most perplexing questions, like "Was I adopted or something??"

OMG I think THAT is what my T puts on my insurance forms!!! LOL That is great JM, I think you have coined a new diagnosis here, ADFD! Brilliant. I think I'm telling my T about that one! Thanks and I hope AG's words helped because I completely agree with her!

-CT

*slinks out of the shadows*

Technically, they have to tell you. Have to. If you press the issue, they have to tell you what they're telling your insurance agency, at the very least.

JM,

I love Acute Dysfunctional Family Disorder. I hope you are able to leave the topic alone and discuss other things with T. I find that when T refuses to tell me something it becomes a really big issue for me.

Hey Wynne, thanks for slinking out long enough to hear from you.

I know I have the right to know my diagnosis, and my T even brought up that fact today, but I said "I guess if you really feel it is in my best interest not to know anything specific then I feel that I have to trust in you." I believe she knows whats best for me at this time. Though I also told her that doesn't mean I'm not going to push her on it once in a while, because this is very hard for me knowing there's "something" to call it and I can't know. I guess I could think of it as I choose not to know under the advice of my T. To be honest it probably wouldn't be too hard for me to guess and we have talked about DDNOS so it could be that. Which as far as I know means nothing earth shattering to me, but it is a label. So I will try to just work with her. I've been with her nearly 3 years and there's no reason for me not to trust her.

As for what she tells the insurance company. she reiterated that she tells them just enough so that they pay her. She keeps her diagnosis very generalized or benign to avoid that stigma too. She's a bit rebellious and has argued the point with many psychologists and refuses to see the usefulness in labeling. And I have to agree with her on some points.

Incognito,
I appreciate your advice and I have to agree, it is probably best that I leave it alone. But again, it is very hard for me to do that.

Wynne, and Incognito; How have you both been lately?
JM

I'm not so sure that knowing what it is called makes a difference. It may just give someone one more thing to dwell on. Since my T doesn't coordinate with any insurance companies, I have to send the bills into my ins. co myself. She has listed a DSM so that I can get reimbursed. When I looked it up, it said Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depressed Moods.

Ok, so who DOESN'T relate to this? I think it is pretty ambiguous and definitely describes me, sorta, and describes everybody else on the planet. It doesn't change or help what is going on with me, but it gets the ins. co to pay something. So I guess I'm good with it.

PL

quote:

...something IS wrong with me and nobody will tell me.

that's pretty much how i feel JM. i mean there IS something wrong with me as otherwise i wouldn't be paying a t every week (got no insurance). that was a big thing to admit for me in the first place (something wrong with me?? oh no i am FINE! ...puts the sarcasm back in pocket... )

but i'm also beginning to feel (sometimes) that the core, original me - that'll be the me before she fell into the lap of shit parents - is a normal human being, nothing wrong with her at all!

so the labeling i feel DOES look at the 'wrong' in me, whilst i just want to feel 'right'...

SB

A number of years ago, I asked about a diagnosis. My therapist kindly tells me that I'm "troubled" and we left it at that.

Lately, I've been sort of struggling with the question again, I've got a different therapist now. But then, I kind of like "troubled" - it does the job and doesn't make me feel like I'm ill or broken, just ... experiencing technical difficulties