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((((Draggers))))
I've never been one to say it all happens for a reason. That is a horrible thing to tell someone that is being hurt. But, I do believe, and this is a spiritual thing, that horrible things, things that should never have happened, can be worked for good as we heal from them. There are horrible aspects to having grown up the way I did, but there is also an intuitiveness and empathy that was cultivated through those experiences.
I don't think I've ever found a good answer to the why, except this world is broken, and people get crushed by it. We can persevere through difficulty, but I don't think abuse is ever anything that's supposed to teach or punish someone from a cosmic perspective. Yes, it is true that some people are more vulnerable (whether because of temperament or their past experiences or both) to others hurting or taking advantage of them...but that vulnerability doesn't equate to deserving abuse. You're a very precious person who deserved and deserves protection.
Do I think there is a bigger plan? No, and yes. I don't think there is a plan to make people suffer. But, I do think there is a plan on how to redeem those experiences so that they can be used for good in our lives or in the lives of others. Just yesterday, I was talking with my pastor and he was noting what a caring, compassionate heart I have for people who are hurting (even people who injured me deeply), and how intuitively I am tuned in to how others are doing, and then offer prayer or encouragement or support. It was really touching that he sees me in that way...and maybe there is a part of that which is naturally who I am, but there is also a part which developed specifically because of my woundedness.
Maybe there are people in this world who will struggle with the same things I'm fighting through now and my having had these experiences and working through them will allow me to offer care and help in some small way. I don't know...I don't think that's necessarily a reason or purpose for it, but if I had to go through it and fight so hard to heal, the fact that meaning can be made from it is important. It is a true grief, because there are parts of me that pretty much "died" in those experiences. But in nature and in life in general, new things grow from from what has died. The problem, I suppose is taking the time to mourn those things, before you can tend what is growing in its place.
I don't know if any of that made sense. When I'm hurting badly, it doesn't even make sense to me. I'm sorry it's so painful and hard to press on right now.
I've never been one to say it all happens for a reason. That is a horrible thing to tell someone that is being hurt. But, I do believe, and this is a spiritual thing, that horrible things, things that should never have happened, can be worked for good as we heal from them. There are horrible aspects to having grown up the way I did, but there is also an intuitiveness and empathy that was cultivated through those experiences.
I don't think I've ever found a good answer to the why, except this world is broken, and people get crushed by it. We can persevere through difficulty, but I don't think abuse is ever anything that's supposed to teach or punish someone from a cosmic perspective. Yes, it is true that some people are more vulnerable (whether because of temperament or their past experiences or both) to others hurting or taking advantage of them...but that vulnerability doesn't equate to deserving abuse. You're a very precious person who deserved and deserves protection.
Do I think there is a bigger plan? No, and yes. I don't think there is a plan to make people suffer. But, I do think there is a plan on how to redeem those experiences so that they can be used for good in our lives or in the lives of others. Just yesterday, I was talking with my pastor and he was noting what a caring, compassionate heart I have for people who are hurting (even people who injured me deeply), and how intuitively I am tuned in to how others are doing, and then offer prayer or encouragement or support. It was really touching that he sees me in that way...and maybe there is a part of that which is naturally who I am, but there is also a part which developed specifically because of my woundedness.
Maybe there are people in this world who will struggle with the same things I'm fighting through now and my having had these experiences and working through them will allow me to offer care and help in some small way. I don't know...I don't think that's necessarily a reason or purpose for it, but if I had to go through it and fight so hard to heal, the fact that meaning can be made from it is important. It is a true grief, because there are parts of me that pretty much "died" in those experiences. But in nature and in life in general, new things grow from from what has died. The problem, I suppose is taking the time to mourn those things, before you can tend what is growing in its place.
I don't know if any of that made sense. When I'm hurting badly, it doesn't even make sense to me. I'm sorry it's so painful and hard to press on right now.
(((draggers))) i'm sorry... i truly cant see any reason for so much suffering, why you are being punished for being born in the wrong place... 
the only 'reason' you are still suffering is because the terrible things that happened have cut so deep and still affect you to this day....its not because you havent fought hard enough, tried hard enough, cried hard enough....... you've done it all! i dont see a reason, i'm sorry if its not helpful.
hugs,
puppet
the only 'reason' you are still suffering is because the terrible things that happened have cut so deep and still affect you to this day....its not because you havent fought hard enough, tried hard enough, cried hard enough....... you've done it all! i dont see a reason, i'm sorry if its not helpful.hugs,
puppet
((((draggers))))
I'm sorry you're in so much pain now It is so hard to see through to the other side of the storm when feelings are this heavy. And so exhausting to not feel something brighter ahead.
I do believe very much in a larger purpose of hope for the future, I've come to see evidence for my beliefs over the span of several years. Although I still have pain and heartache, the hopes of a better future I hold with me have been my one constant source of strength.
They are of a spiritual nature, and I am unsure of the forums policies on if that sort of thing is frowned upon for me to post? (I want to be sensitive to others religious beliefs, and haven't noticed any in depth posting of that nature here) I am more than happy to pm you or anyone who has questions about it, if that would be more comfortable of a way to share/ask?
I am sending caring thoughts and cyber hugs, I hope you can find a little comfort in knowing you are cared about and heard
AH
I'm sorry you're in so much pain now
It is so hard to see through to the other side of the storm when feelings are this heavy. And so exhausting to not feel something brighter ahead. I do believe very much in a larger purpose of hope for the future, I've come to see evidence for my beliefs over the span of several years. Although I still have pain and heartache, the hopes of a better future I hold with me have been my one constant source of strength.
They are of a spiritual nature, and I am unsure of the forums policies on if that sort of thing is frowned upon for me to post? (I want to be sensitive to others religious beliefs, and haven't noticed any in depth posting of that nature here) I am more than happy to pm you or anyone who has questions about it, if that would be more comfortable of a way to share/ask?
I am sending caring thoughts and cyber hugs, I hope you can find a little comfort in knowing you are cared about and heard
AH
Draggers...I so wish I could do something to lighten your load and take some of your hurt and pain away.
All I can do is send warm, gentle hugs.
Here they come
The Kid
All I can do is send warm, gentle hugs.
Here they come
The Kid
{{{Draggles)))
I used to wonder this a lot. I had this notion that the universe was dragging me to the edge of the cliff to look down repeatedly - just to see how much I could take. It felt like a catalogue of disasters that had somehow been tailored to screw me up in the most expedient way. I found it hard to believe it was random.
I do think other people have easier lives but I also don't think we ever truly know what is going on for a person, or what will happen to them long-term. I used to feel a little like this about my sister - that somehow I'd copped all of the bad karma and she had the charmed life. I think it's really very human to try and make sense of the world this way - to try and make meaning of our experiences because to believe that it's all random, or that the world is an intrinsically unfair place is totally mind-blowing.
I think this is the curse of recovery. That awful two steps backwards feeling. Draggles, I know it has been awful and you are enduring feelings that no one should have to bear, but the fact that you could feel this once gives me hope that perhaps you can feel it again. I know that means trying to ride out what is happening right now and it feels unbearable.
Thinking of you.
I used to wonder this a lot. I had this notion that the universe was dragging me to the edge of the cliff to look down repeatedly - just to see how much I could take. It felt like a catalogue of disasters that had somehow been tailored to screw me up in the most expedient way. I found it hard to believe it was random.
I do think other people have easier lives but I also don't think we ever truly know what is going on for a person, or what will happen to them long-term. I used to feel a little like this about my sister - that somehow I'd copped all of the bad karma and she had the charmed life. I think it's really very human to try and make sense of the world this way - to try and make meaning of our experiences because to believe that it's all random, or that the world is an intrinsically unfair place is totally mind-blowing.
quote:after a few months of things feeling like they could get better, its now got doubly worse
I think this is the curse of recovery.
That awful two steps backwards feeling. Draggles, I know it has been awful and you are enduring feelings that no one should have to bear, but the fact that you could feel this once gives me hope that perhaps you can feel it again. I know that means trying to ride out what is happening right now and it feels unbearable.Thinking of you.
(((draggers)))
I hope there is a bigger plan. Sometimes that hope is strong enough that I would almost call it a belief, other times not so much, but either way it is something precious to hold onto, something I try to cultivate.
I don't think anyone has ever come up with a satisfactory "why" for all the suffering in the world, but I like a lot of what yaku said about it (sometimes) creating opportunity.
I am not sure what else to say. . . I'm afraid of being triggering. Thoughts are with you.
I hope there is a bigger plan. Sometimes that hope is strong enough that I would almost call it a belief, other times not so much, but either way it is something precious to hold onto, something I try to cultivate.
I don't think anyone has ever come up with a satisfactory "why" for all the suffering in the world, but I like a lot of what yaku said about it (sometimes) creating opportunity.
I am not sure what else to say. . . I'm afraid of being triggering. Thoughts are with you.
So sorry for everything going on for you right now, you truly don't deserve any of it, so yes, there has to be a bigger plan draggles, there has to be. But getting to the bigger plan is sometimes like wading through the thickest and nastiest treacle and you fear you are going to be stuck with the tough stuff for ever.
Sometimes life seems so unfair, I will just pray that somewhere round the corner there is a beautiful rainbow that just for now is out of sight.
Sometimes life seems so unfair, I will just pray that somewhere round the corner there is a beautiful rainbow that just for now is out of sight.
((((Draggers)))))
I'm sorry things are not going quite well right now.
I do think everything happens for a reason...but I don't always think the reason is sane, justified, fair or gentle. I do know though, that you do not and have not deserved to suffer. I like what fishy said about a rainbow out there - there is one, I can't possibly tell you where but I know there is one. At least on the way there though, the dark doesn't have to be alone (anymore) and you have so many of us here with you.
I'm sorry things are not going quite well right now.
I do think everything happens for a reason...but I don't always think the reason is sane, justified, fair or gentle. I do know though, that you do not and have not deserved to suffer. I like what fishy said about a rainbow out there - there is one, I can't possibly tell you where but I know there is one. At least on the way there though, the dark doesn't have to be alone (anymore) and you have so many of us here with you.
Draggers - I have no idea why things happen. They say there is a reason for everything but somehow I just think that some of our lives just suck! I wish I could say something better than that - but I just don't believe it. When I die - that will be one of my first questions if I make it to the gate. lol Actually, I have a lot of questions!
Try to hang on - they say it always gets better. I know it does I just wish it would stay better longer.
Try to hang on - they say it always gets better. I know it does I just wish it would stay better longer.
((((((((Draggers))))))))
(((((Draggers)))))
There's no need to apologise to us on here. You just concentrate on doing what's necessary for you.
Try not to be too hard on yourself about any lack of positivity at the moment; we're all allowed to feel that way at times.
I know if I'd gone to old T and said to her what you originally said, she'd have just come back at me with the 'distorted thinking', 'catastrophising', 'black and white thinking', 'second guessing' blah blah blah; sort of stuff, all of which is a much use as a chocolate teapot under the circumstances.
However; if you can gently remind yourself of some positives; you have wonderful kids that any mum would be so proud of; you have artistic talents that many people would love to have; and you bring untold joy to those lucky enough to know you.
I know you have such deep reserves of inner strength to have come through as much as you have already; and I know you'll come through this too. Try hanging on to every little good thing that happens no matter how tiny it might be; nothing stays the same forever Draggers; things will turn out right in the end.
We'll be here for you every step of the way.
AV.
There's no need to apologise to us on here. You just concentrate on doing what's necessary for you.
Try not to be too hard on yourself about any lack of positivity at the moment; we're all allowed to feel that way at times.
I know if I'd gone to old T and said to her what you originally said, she'd have just come back at me with the 'distorted thinking', 'catastrophising', 'black and white thinking', 'second guessing' blah blah blah; sort of stuff, all of which is a much use as a chocolate teapot under the circumstances.
However; if you can gently remind yourself of some positives; you have wonderful kids that any mum would be so proud of; you have artistic talents that many people would love to have; and you bring untold joy to those lucky enough to know you.
I know you have such deep reserves of inner strength to have come through as much as you have already; and I know you'll come through this too. Try hanging on to every little good thing that happens no matter how tiny it might be; nothing stays the same forever Draggers; things will turn out right in the end.
We'll be here for you every step of the way.
AV.
Draggers) I can't tell you how sad I feel for you and the pain that you are enduring. One thing that I have learned and it is that "Life is not fair"! Nothing "fair" about it! I agree with (Avoidant) about trying to look at and hang onto every little good thing that happens. I can only tell you that when I feel my life continually crashing down, as hard as it is, I find that in order to even function, I have to focus on helping others. I need to take the focus off myself, and help someone else in need. I'm not saying that this is the answer for you, but it helps me when I'm sinking fast. The people on this Forum really care about you, and love you. Keep updating us, we are here for you.
(((DRAGGERS))))
Hope you are hanging in there. I am very much the killjoy here because I believe more bad things happen to some people than others, not for any particular reason but it's just the way it happens. Look at the Kennedy's and all the losses they have had to endure. And then some people get off easy and don't have to struggle as much as others. IMO, there is no rhyme or reason. It's just the way it is and it sucks. Life is hard.
There was a period of time in my life when one bad thing happened after another and it was kind of like, really? again? Why do I have to endure so much shit? After a time, the bad things slowed down. There really only can be a finite number of bad things that can happen to us. It HAS to stop at some point. I don't know why I've had to endure more than others or why you have to. There aren't any good answers.
The only explanation that I can come up for any of the pain we suffer is that much of it is based on survival needs that feel threatened but probably aren't. Other people get jealous of us and try to hurt us. We get jealous of them, etc. etc. This country needs more oil. That one needs nuclear bombs. This one needs more money. That one needs nicer clothes. This one's Dad beat the crap out of him because his Dad beat the crap out of him. Everyone is stomping to the finish line on automatic. Once we evolve past these emotional needs/hurts and realize there is enough for everyone, enough love for everyone, enough food for everyone, etc., maybe then there won't be any more pain?
Hope you are hanging in there.
I am very much the killjoy here because I believe more bad things happen to some people than others, not for any particular reason but it's just the way it happens. Look at the Kennedy's and all the losses they have had to endure. And then some people get off easy and don't have to struggle as much as others. IMO, there is no rhyme or reason. It's just the way it is and it sucks. Life is hard.There was a period of time in my life when one bad thing happened after another and it was kind of like, really? again? Why do I have to endure so much shit? After a time, the bad things slowed down. There really only can be a finite number of bad things that can happen to us. It HAS to stop at some point. I don't know why I've had to endure more than others or why you have to. There aren't any good answers.
The only explanation that I can come up for any of the pain we suffer is that much of it is based on survival needs that feel threatened but probably aren't. Other people get jealous of us and try to hurt us. We get jealous of them, etc. etc. This country needs more oil. That one needs nuclear bombs. This one needs more money. That one needs nicer clothes. This one's Dad beat the crap out of him because his Dad beat the crap out of him. Everyone is stomping to the finish line on automatic. Once we evolve past these emotional needs/hurts and realize there is enough for everyone, enough love for everyone, enough food for everyone, etc., maybe then there won't be any more pain?
Draggers,
You are asking a very good question This is question people ask since beginning of time.
People have different answer and response, but I do not know that they ever really satisfy anyone.
I am deaf and battling disease that could make me very sick. I often daily cry in pain from this alone. I battle my mind and past. Life is not fair or ok.
My spiritual beliefs tell me life is worth it. The God I believe in joined in on the f---ed up pain in world and was victim of injustice and pain like us. Does that make anything ok? I do not think so. Somehow, life is worth enduring the nonsense pain and I believe good will win in the end. Good can be found all around in the pain. We have each other too.
Sorry for what you are go through. Glad you share here your pain.
You are asking a very good question This is question people ask since beginning of time.
People have different answer and response, but I do not know that they ever really satisfy anyone.
I am deaf and battling disease that could make me very sick. I often daily cry in pain from this alone. I battle my mind and past. Life is not fair or ok.
My spiritual beliefs tell me life is worth it. The God I believe in joined in on the f---ed up pain in world and was victim of injustice and pain like us. Does that make anything ok? I do not think so. Somehow, life is worth enduring the nonsense pain and I believe good will win in the end. Good can be found all around in the pain. We have each other too.
Sorry for what you are go through. Glad you share here your pain.
Draggers, I am sorry that you are having to deal with so much pain. Life can be so unfair and I know you have had more than your share of hurts. I hope the peace that you so deserve to have is waiting for you around the corner. Hang on in there!
Huge hugs
Butterfly
Huge hugs
Butterfly
Dear Draggles! have so wanted to respond to your 'enormous' question but had and have no useful words my own life experience in the past has been to 'somehow' to drag one foot in front of the other and now I'm so happy to wake up each morning and consciously take the pressure off and work on accepting what the day throws up!! wish I could be more helpful - you're in my thoughts and heart. xxxxxx
my own life experience in the past has been to 'somehow' to drag one foot in front of the other and now I'm so happy to wake up each morning and consciously take the pressure off and work on accepting what the day throws up!! wish I could be more helpful - you're in my thoughts and heart. xxxxxx
Thinking of you (())
((((draggers)))) i hope things turn around for you soon, as i believe you deserve that. you are in my thoughts and prayers, and i'm sending you every good vibe i possibly can, because you deserve it. do bad things happen for a reason? i don't know. but from what i know of you, you have defied all odds and have turned into a wonderfully compassionate and caring individual, and it really comes through in your posts. as far as i'm concerned, you are a God-send and a wonderful example of how to be a humble and loving human being. hang in there, ((((draggers))))