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does this happen to anybody else?

closeddoorscloseddoorsMember
i'm sure it does, but guess i'm needing validation. my next session is tomorrow morning, and i'm full of anxiety. here's how it goes: pre-session anxiety up to a few days ahead of time to just hours ahead of time. some times it's fairly mild, and other time it's pretty out-of-control-wild. my sessions are every other friday. starting the monday before my session, i start to think i don't want to do this anymore and seriously contemplate calling and cancelling. "thanks for all your help, but i'm done". every single time. but i make myself go, i guess because i'm a masochist Roll Eyes i've grown rather fond of my T and sometimes i think i go just so i can spend 50 minutes with him. the thing is, i just don't feel like i'm making any progress and i'm not even sure i want to change since the progress is so slow. yeah, i know i need to change and i should change, but i'm just really dragging my feet and it makes me wonder if i really even want to change. and i feel like he's going to get tired of me for not throwing myself in 100%. i dunno. i hate to be wasting my time and his. and i really just hate this anxious feeling! Frowner sorry, i guess i just wanted to vent. thanks for listening.

have i told you lately that you guys all rock??? time for a group hug!!
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T tasMember
Yes! I have felt this way Closed Doors. I guess what keeps us all going back is because we REALLY do want change. It may be shadowed and masked by anxiety, but we pull ourselves by the nape of the neck and tell ourselves to get in there and get to work.

Have you thought of doing weekly sessions instead of every other week? Perhaps with that option in mind, you may feel that you would be making more progress. As we all know, no matter how we look at it, it takes time.

Whenever I feel that my therapist is tired of me, which is a considerable, I remember that he promised that I could take as long as I need to.
He wasn't going anywhere and that he would be there for me as long as it takes.

That helped me stop putting so much pressure on myself to get results NOW, as I am very much a results-oriented person.

I don't know if this helps, as much of it is from personal experience. Sometimes we are our own worst critics.

And as always, possibly talk to your therapist about it tomorrow. Maybe your therapist can offer some insight into this part of your journey through therapy.

By the way, I thank you for your encouraging responses when I have hit a bump in the road.

Smiler T.
closeddoorscloseddoorsMember
thanks, you guys. your support means alot.

i sometimes think weekly sessions would be good, just because it seems like i go through so many feelings between sessions. this forum has been a huge help in carrying me from one session to the next. for one thing, i unfortunately can't afford weekly sessions. plus, i wonder if the intensity would be too much.

plus, i don't know ... i kind of feel pressure from him. and that pressure makes me feel like i'm making a personal affront to him, which i'm not. he has made a few comments alluding to the fact that i am not deciding to change quickly enough, that i should visit my mother more often (whose company i can barely stand), etc. i don't know. i'm really just feeling like a failure and feeling hopeless, not to mention misunderstood. i'll bring this shit in tomorrow. not looking forward to it. i just want to shrink into nothingness.

sorry. seems i've dug myself into a pit and can't seem to see the light. i'll come 'round. i always do.

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