Welcome Glenn,

Sometimes things are really slow here. Was curious if you are an ACoA since you posted here? My mom was, and so I am a grandchild of an alcoholic and just now beginning to understand the impacts that had on her life and on my subsequent upbringing.

Hope you feel supported on the forum as you get to know people. Take care as you work on your healing journey, Amber

Hi Glenn
Welcome to the forums. Amber (and Amber, I don't think we've "met" yet!) is right, this forum tends to be a bit slow, so feel free to post anywhere.You can share your experiences or ask questions, people are very supportive here.

I am also an ACOA, my dad was an alcoholic, but I have been in therapy for a VERY long time and dealt with alot of the ACOA issues earlier on so while I am not usually posting about issues pertaining to that, I do understand.

AG

hello ladies yes i am an ACOA my father was the alcoholic

this is difficult for me im seem to feel like im going against all i was taught as far as admitting anything was wrong in my family

thanks so much for the warm welcomes and i will and have been poking around here and yon but i wanted to start out in here since this is where i think i belong haha

thanks again God Bless

Hi Glenn and AG!

You mention something really key, Glenn, and that is the whole idea of secrecy and not exposing the family "stuff". Shame and hiding is what maintains the dysfunction. Fact is, mentioning the secret and owning it is exactly what will help us heal and break the intergenerational legacy. It takes incredible courage to do so, and am so glad we have a place here to talk some about all this. I would be also really interested to hear how you, AG, worked through your past family secrets and found some resolution there.

My mom STILL has not really owned the fact she was a CoA and she is 86! She only alluded to it a few times with the old, "my dad drank a little too much"--yeah, right!!! Pay no attention to the fact he died of sclerosis of the liver! The true proof is in her crazy stuff that played out in my family of origin (FOO), and has had a bearing on a lot on what I am struggling to heal.

Surprisingly, as much as I have worked at my healing--and not all the years like AG (though informal processing counts, too!)--it seems there is still a lot to work through there for me. BUT, I am also finding a special grace at feeling compassion for my mom. Being able to put myself in her shoes and realize the hell she surely must have suffered a as child and teen, helps me recognize that her abuse and raging and emotional distancing were not about me, but was her own undigested pain and anguish inside. I also see now that like me, she likley dissociated when overwhelemed, which would explain a lot.

In spite of my own baggage and anguish I feel, and all the crap I carry inside, I find it such a tragedy that she has never processed or dealt with her stuff. While I am 52 and still working at healing, she doesn't even probably see that she needs to heal

So, since seeing this surface again just last week in therapy (related to a new "part" of me that came out that carried a HUGE weight) and recognizing that this was me carrying my mom's burdens that she had passed on to me, I feel like this is extremely BIG stuff and I am on the threshhold of some big breakthroughs. But, it isn't goign to be easy. Last night I had intrusions while sleeping of a very cruel, perpetrator, so woke feeling beat up, achy all over, and very lethargic and sad today. If I could I would take off, but I am slammed with some major tasks to get done, so have to try to push through. At least I see T today, but even that feels hard.

Anyways, I would really welcome any sharing in all this. This is extremely tough stuff to work through, and as you can see from thie posting, I have a wide range of courage, fear, optimism, despair, strength, weariness. I am a mixture! Thanks for listening. Amber

thanks to all who have replied i really appreciate it but please forgive me for not replying sooner i have been really busy my wife and i have a small homestead and im trying to go to school full time on top of that

well to what you said Amber I find it such a tragedy that she has never processed or dealt with her stuff. While I am 52 and still working at healing, she doesn't even probably see that she needs to heal
i didnt see i need to heal till i was 56and then for a month i did nothing just sat and wondered you have to look at it from her perspective to admit you have a problem is a failure to some especially from that age group ( my parents if they were alive would be around that age ) and they never admited there was a problem im the first to admit it and then to seek help well that mean you were really out there i can remember a neighbor had a nervous breakdown and the way my parents talked about them wow you would have thought the poor lady was an arson or rapist or a harlot hahaha but she just had a breakdown

people from that generation percieve things different than we do today ...sorry didnt mean to get on a soap box but thats my take on it

as for me well ive been dianosed with PTSD years back and ive managed for the most part to control it but i still have my days and a few weeks back is when i realized there was more to my problems than PTSD i realized i was broken not bwent and needed help so i went to a Dr and we talked and he told me that i am an ACOA and when he said those words my heart sank now i have to admit not only was did i have a bad childhood but it was my parents fault the 2 people in the entire world i love and trust and cherish the most the worst part is they arent here for me to talk to about it im not sure if that makes it easier or harder

any way thats me so far im still wrestling with talking about it to anyone other than my therapist because then i have to go against the 2 people i loved and cherished the most and it seems to me id be a traitor but i feel i need to to break the cycle but again i cant you get the idea its back and forth lolso for now i promise to keep posting here and one day boom it will be here for the world to see and im sure as soon as i hit the send key i ll start to feel better about the whole mess

thanks to all who have read and posted and thanks to all who have just read

may God Bless and keep you
Glenn