Ask about contact in between sessions.
Ask about hugs
Ask about how she runs her sessions.
Ask about clocks- timing the sessions.
Ask about transference- her views.
Ask as much as you can about all the attachment stuff.
Ask if she has a sense of humor.
Ask her if she has worked with clients -similar to your situation,
Ask her about payment if you need to.
Ask her about vacations.
Ask her- if she allows txt, emails... does she respond to them.

Best of everything to you, UNbroken, you are very brave and wise to switch Ts.

Hi unbroken! I don't know what kind of questions you should ask, but I just wanted to say how inspiring I find it how strong you are being with this. I agree your T did the right thing by admitting that she was not the best person to help you. Even though I'm sure it hurts like hell. Best wishes on finding someone perfect for you!!

Unbroken,
Sorry this is so brief but just got back from a weekend away. Forlorn posted a GREAT list of questions for a prospective T I think you mind find very useful. You can find it here: Lessons learned. So sorry for what happened with your T , but glad you're looking for a new one.

AG

Sorry this is so hard, Unbroken.

It sounds like this is the best path for you to take. Some therapist's just aren't good or comfortable with people with Borderline traits-experience or not. (Did she refer you?) I bet she referred you to someone who prefers to take on patients who are Borderline. Or if someone lists Borderline as their specialty, then they probably prefer B patients.

If it helps at all-I didn't know I was Borderline until I met a psychoanalyst for therapy. This is after seeing several non-analysts in the past. I was hooked up with a very experienced therapist who is really good with patients like me-we are a great match. Hope the same for you. You will probabably see how much better this will be for you in the long run. Best wishes!



Oh, and the whole experience was traumatic for me as well!!

Unbroken,
I also did not know I had more pain than I do when I started therapy. I found mine online through my insurance and the only thing I was looking for was someone who did EMDR. I thought it might take 6-10 sessions. Oh boy, was I wrong! While she's great and hasn't referred me out yet, I also think back to how helpful it would have been to have a list of questions and know what kind of T would be best. But then, I was so walled up behind my defenses, I didn't even know what I needed at that time. I hope things with new T are wonderful for you!

((((UNBROKEN)))))

Ditto for me. Didn't know what kind of issues I had until I went to therapy. At times it felt like I didn't ask for the attachment, it just happened and then sometimes it felt as though it was a bad thing to have.

You sound like you are handling much better than I would and I have to give you a high five and tell you that you are my hero. I'm sure you will be up and down but hopefully new T tomorrow can help you feel a little better about it all.

xoxo

Liese

(((Unbroken)))

I am so sorry you've had to go through this disappointment with your T, but kudos to you for having renewed motivation to seek out the help you need. I believe there is such a *big* difference between choosing a therapist mindfully and picking one haphazard. The first therapist I tried to work with was a disaster. It was very short lived and I never got attached, but it wised me up to the fact that choosing a T was something I needed to do carefully, using both my objective brain and my intuition. The process of reading, thinking, asking questions, and finally selecting someone was in itself empowering and fun. And I've ended up with a T that I'm quite happy with on the whole.

For me, it was important to find someone who was not controlling or locked into one way of looking at things. I wanted someone who could be relaxed and open minded both when talking about theoretical issues and when dealing with intense emotional stuff (mine). Usually talking with a potential therapist for just a few minutes, asking about their theoretical orientation and how they would work with my particular issues, gave me a pretty good feel for whether they had (or lacked) some of the qualities I was looking for.

More specifically, I was concerned to find someone who was comfortable working through SU ideation and related issues without assuming I was dangerous or needed controls of any sort placed on my environment. You might say this is my boundary. It's because I'm very aware the fact that I need a therapist, not a warden or a babysitter, and that these manifestations are symbolic rather than indicative of a literal death wish. Finding a T who agreed with my assessment took a little cautiously conducted hunting, as these issues can be understandably scary, but I found a T that seems to really understand and it's been good. I'm getting the help I need without being smothered.

Anyway, sorry if I'm rambling too much about my own stuff here. I do wish you all the best in your upcoming session and hope you come back here to update! I think it's amazing that you are approaching this decision the way you are and I hope that it enables you to find exactly what you are looking for in your healing journey.

Hugs,
Heldincompassion