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Dream

T tasMember
I had a dream and it had to do with the first appointment back with the Therapist after he came back from vacation.

I came into his office and it was completely different. There was so much stuff in there, it seemed as if it was closing in. I could not focus due to all the stuff and kept saying how everything was so different.

On one of the cabinets in his office were a bunch of cards, the top one had the word DADDY on it. I assumed it was from his children, yet, he rarely displays anything personal in his office regarding his family.

It seemed as if the office was changing even while I was there. At one moment, there was a box of toys and a teddy bear. I picked up the teddy bear and he said, "It may seem strange, but we bury the things we love." I remember thinking, 'He is actually going to bury these in the ground?'

He seemed so far away due to everything in the office. I was so focused on how different everything was that I couldn't even see him.

I am not sure how to take this dream, except I know I panic if there is anything different or sudden changes.

I see him tomorrow and I am dreading it. I have no idea what to say to him.
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MallardMallardMember
Sounds very vivid, TAS. I have just had two extremely vivid dreams about my own T, which is very surprising to me because I do not remember my dreams.

The thing that popped into my head was you not being able to see him in the dream, and him seeming so far away because of all the stuff in the room and sometimes when you have posted about your relationship with T, you have talked about not being able to get close and feeling troubled by boundaries.

It made me wonder whether all the clutter in the room was perhaps a representation of the things that are preventing you from having a close, professional relationship with your T? I don't know... it might not resonate with you.

Or perhaps, there is something in there about his absence and whether your relationship has changed as a result.

I hope tomorrow goes ok, TAS. Do you have any gut feelings about what you'd like to say if you could? Or is it just really confused?
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
TAS, here is my opportunity to follow my new "read everything three times before posting rule" for the first time.

***I read your dream 3 times, TAS!***

I think it is awesome.

My take on it:

The "stuff" in the room is your stuff-- emotions, memories, psychological baggage of all kinds. In the dream, you feel it's presence in the room as crowding, overwhelming, derailing your ability to focus.

The DADDY card might be indicative of paternal transference with your T.

I loved how he said "sometimes we bury the things we love". That reminds me of something my T's told me as well-- when we repress emotion, it isn't just the painful feelings that get repressed, but the good ones too. It's self protective, but one can lose out by shutting off the feeling function.

quote:
He seemed so far away due to everything in the office. I was so focused on how different everything was that I couldn't even see him.

You've often talked about feeling unable to perceive your T clearly due to negative transference. Maybe this is an image for that.

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