I had a dream about old T last night. We were in a cafe/book store. I was sitting with some family and friends in one area and I looked up and she was sitting with her two girls at a table directly across from me. She caught my eye and I just slowly turned my body around so that my back was facing her. I could feel her staring at the back of me. I got up and went to the restroom b/c I had a feeling that I just needed to get away from her. She caught my eye again as I walked by her table and I could see a deep deep sadness in her eyes. I fought back tears and headed to the restroom. Then I heard her call my name. I turned around and she was at the other end of the book store calling for me to get something for her but I couldn't hear what. I threw my hands up in the air and told her to leave me alone. I went to the restroom and when I came out of the stall she was there by the sink. Tears burned my eyes and started streaming down my face. I asked her to please leave me alone b/c it hurt me to look at her. She started crying as well. She looked at me, and said "Do you have any idea of what I have been through these last couple of months?" I remember I felt so angry that she would say that. I started yelling and I mean screaming at her...I remember exactly what I said to her in my dream " I don't care about what you have been through. Because it's not about you! It's about me. You told me that repeatedely..that I never needed to worry about you b/c I was who mattered and it was about me. But then you did the opposite and you hurt me."
That is all I remember.
She seems to overwhelm my mind in waves. I will go for awhile without thinking about her as much and then all the sudden I can't get her out of my head and I am filled with constant sadness and fighting the urge to call her.
I guess its all part of the process....