Does anyone here have Dysthymia (chronic low-grade depression)?
I've been told by my therapist that I might be dysthymic. As long as I can remember, I've always felt this way. I thought it was normal to feel irritable, slowed down, negative, difficult to make decisions, etc. I've had bouts of major depression throughout my life and also have seasonal depression, or SAD. I've been trying to find the right medication and therapy for the past 13 years. I've read self help books, exercised, gone to church, taken classes, volunteered, reconnected with friends, switched jobs, quit jobs, and nothing seems to lift me up out of the dark cloud that hangs over my head everyday.
Regarding the medication, none of the SSRI's helped. I've also tried the SSRI's with mood stabilizers. No improvement. I just started an MAOI, but it's too early to tell if it's making a difference. I engage in talk therapy twice a month (for the last year). It has helped me with many life issues, but the constant emptiness and hopelessness doesn't go away. I'm 30 years old, but feel like I've done everything in life that I wanted to accomplish and am ready for it to be over. I've struggled all my life with low moods and isolation, and have given up hope. How can a person be hopeful when everything seems so unattainable and dark?
Original Post
Difficulty, connecting with feelings, a constant sense of unreality in trying to function... you ask, how can a person be hopeful when everything seems so unattainable and dark, after so many years? The answer, is that our feelings are not a reflection of reality, I believe. And so, we hope- that our feelings will begin, one day, to reflect reality. That things are NOT so completely dark and hopeless, if we one day will be able to experience...love. That there IS a reason to live, though, we may not very often, be able to *feel* it. This requires a level of heroism...just to not give up. You have already found that heroism, because you are here. Our feelings, as "dysthymics" are not always our friends. We must learn how to ignore them, at times, and carry on no matter how much we want to quit, or how right it feels to quit, and to allow ourselves to feel them, deeply as we have had to cover them, at others. And, not to condemn ourselves for the times we do have to "give up." And that is not so easily done! A caring counselor, and/or spiritual director, and contact with others is essential...though it may be very difficult and painful, to come out of the isolation, and try, to connect somehow. (((((reeny)))) I am so sorry for the pain you must endure. It is truly, not easy! Try, accept the pain you are in, and allow, that you must bear it somehow kind of heroically. Courage, and perseverance, is what we will become good at! I am 36, an dhave just entered counseling a year and a half ago. Have made some progress...but slow and lots of sliding back again.