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9 replies

ED transference??

snsnMember
(Obvious ED triggers)

I'm overcoming a life-long binge eating disorder. Thanks to a year with T, and him pulling me back from the brink countless times, I'm down 38 pounds, with 54 more to go. To succeed, my T has taught me, I have to treat myself like an alcoholic - not go into bars, in other words. Well, I find myself still binging, but on "safer" foods. Like instead of binging on pastries and chocolates, etc., it's now things like popcorn, fruit, granola, etc..

This week was so hard, and today really made me wonder how much progress I've really made. My kids were each entering baked goods in the county fair competition, and between Friday and Saturday, at least 8 cakes and 4 pans of brownies were made. I couldn't even enter my kitchen, I was so afraid of how I would react. So portions of all of these were dropped off yesterday for judging, and now the remnants are all over my kitchen - it's crazy. And I've only had a few bites here and there except for one thing...

BUT, and here's what makes me think of transference, today, after denying myself repeatedly, I ate 48 cherries. (You can laugh, it's ok!)
Embarrassed
Yep, 48. In a row. Totally OCD'ing, and the only reason I stopped was because the rest hadn't been washed yet and my stomach was hurting. (And in case you're wondering, I counted bc my 15 yos said, "wow mom, what is that, like 50 pits?!?" And I wondered...!

So can anyone relate to this, or am I pretty weird??
I know it could have been much worse... the chocolate mint brownies or lemon cake could have been history by now, but if I'm still engaging in the same behaviors, what do I make of this??

Suggestions, advice?
Really sorry if this set anyone off....


Starry
Original Post

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room2growroom2growCo-moderator
Starry, I can totally relate! I actually had a conversation with my dietitian this week about this very thing. My ED behaviours have significantly decreased over the last two weeks (cause that's all I'm focusing on!) but my OCD has skyrocked! I'm at the very rigid stage, where I'd have done the same thing you did if I were in your situation - completely avoiding the temptation all together. I actually did something similar the other day. I was too drawn to a "special treat" that I had written into my meal plan, and I was afraid that if I started eating it, I would not stop. So I avoided it all together.

The fact that the brownies and cake are still standing is a true testament to your commitment to recovery, and the progress you and your T have made. No advice, but know that my dietitian did say that this happens - the balance board flips from ED behaviors to OCD behaviours, sometimes a few times, before settling in the healthy, balanced zone.

(((Starry)))
catalystcatalystMember
((Starry))

To recover from a lot of my ED behavior I did have to add some purposeful OCD in my life (instead of weighing myself literally 20+ times a day (I'm NOT exaggerating) I had to move rocks from one container to another every time I wanted to so that SOMETHING was occurring). The new habits were easier to get rid of than the old ones. My dietician also talked about how things flipflop around - they'd especially check on my level of self harm because as you lose one coping mechanism... you need another and it's hard when you're just LEARNING the new coping mechanisms.

What is the difference for you between your ED and OCD? (what makes cakes binging but cherries OCD). I've found knowing the differences between where my behaviors come from can sometimes be the biggest thing I can use to combat them!

You're not weird at all Smiler I'm happy you were able to stave off with such temptation.. I have to carefully craft my kitchen sometimes to avoid trigging myself I couldn't imagine the difficulty having other people in my house trying to get through that!! You're tough.

The only advice I can give is to be mindful and know your triggers. I'm currently really struggling w/ my ED and have no idea why Frowner
H heartandsoulMember
((((Starry))))
Just thought you'd like to know you're not alone! My H bought three different boxes of cookies and sweet goodies, including one of my absolute faves, Saturday because we were having some friends over for dessert Saturday night. 3 boxes for 4 people, REALLY? And, (((R2G))) like so many of us, I'm all or nothing, once I start, I cannot stop. So, I made a conscious decision not take the first bite. My transference food of choice? Blueberries. I ate an entire QUART! Yes, a quart, not a pint, a quart... They were fresh picked from the mountains, delicious! Still better than cakes and cookies, I guess. Roll Eyes

(((Cat)))
I finally just got up the nerve to speak with my T about my ED issues that have been increasing over the past few months. Had it mainly controlled for YEARS. And, yes, also talked about the SH thoughts that have been much more prevalent as I try to control the ED stuff... As far as choosing an acceptable substitute behavior, haven't found one that works, but working on it!

Good luck and to all struggling!
snsnMember
Thanks, R2G, Cat, & Heart!! Smiler

I do feel less weird now, thanks!

Never even thought about switching between binging and OCD terms - integrations point, Cat. Hm.
I think my binging IS OCD, because I don't even notice or taste the foods, you know? Til I feel sick.

I think of OCD as being a lack of control, you know?

Hugs to each of you,
Starry
snsnMember
Lol about the blueberries! Guess we could do some damage together on some fruit, eh? Wink

Thanks for the thoughts on triggering - gotta ponder that one!

Thanks again, I love each of your stories, and you made me feel better!

Big Grin


Starry

Ps - just realized I'm sitting here at the county fair mindlessly eating starburst I supposedly brought "for the kids" ...!
Brick wall
professorsnapeprofessorsnapeMember
quote:
Originally posted by Starrynights:
(Obvious ED triggers
BUT, and here's what makes me think of transference, today, after denying myself repeatedly, I ate 48 cherries. (You can laugh, it's ok!)
Starry


Don't feel weird, I have crunched down a bunch of cherries too. I am sure I have eaten 40 or 50 cherries in one sitting. It is easy to do, the buggers are small and they are yummy. It is the sugar that makes them so great. No worries, cherries are mostly water and the fiber is good for you. I am a binger too, my triggers are emotional: depression, anger, sadness, cravings. I believe I am addicted to refined sugar and flour. The two together is deadly, one cookie is to many, and the jar is not enough. Congrats on your weight loss, you are awesome! Knowing what my triggers are has helped my cut down on binges.
snsnMember
Hey, good to meet you here, Snape! Smiler
I do hope your head is feeling better by now.
Nice to know there is a fellow cherry-lover out there!
And yes, I know quite well what you mean about the flour-sugar combo.

My T has always maintained that there are two types of people in this area - abstainers and moderators. Some, like him, can have "a few" whatever, and be fine. Others, like me, need to be abstainers because just one sets us off to a level where we lose control.

Once in a while here lately, I've been able to have a few bites of something and not feel like I'm going to cave, but then I get over-confidant and am soon reminded of which category I still belong in.
Brick wall
But I know I'm much better off than I was before, and I do feel good about my progress, slow though it has been.

One trigger I've identified is reunions - most people diet beforehand; I panic and binge. HUGE reunion coming up one month from today, laden with some ghosts of the past I'd rather not face, too, so... I'm going to somehow have to steel myself for what I know I'll be tempted to do. T will help me, too, thank heavens!

As will all the dear supports here!
Hugs,
Starry
professorsnapeprofessorsnapeMember
I would have responded sooner, but I didn't have the notifications on. I have been to Weight Watchers, and Overeaters Anonymous and they helped a lot. WW was good for educating me about food and health eating, but OA really addresses the emotional side of why compulsive eating occurs. Have you tried going to an OA meeting and checking out the program?

quote:
Originally posted by Starrynights:
Hey, good to meet you here, Snape! Smiler
I do hope your head is feeling better by now.
Nice to know there is a fellow cherry-lover out there!
And yes, I know quite well what you mean about the flour-sugar combo.

My T has always maintained that there are two types of people in this area - abstainers and moderators. Some, like him, can have "a few" whatever, and be fine. Others, like me, need to be abstainers because just one sets us off to a level where we lose control.

Once in a while here lately, I've been able to have a few bites of something and not feel like I'm going to cave, but then I get over-confidant and am soon reminded of which category I still belong in.
Brick wall
But I know I'm much better off than I was before, and I do feel good about my progress, slow though it has been.

One trigger I've identified is reunions - most people diet beforehand; I panic and binge. HUGE reunion coming up one month from today, laden with some ghosts of the past I'd rather not face, too, so... I'm going to somehow have to steel myself for what I know I'll be tempted to do. T will help me, too, thank heavens!

As will all the dear supports here!
Hugs,
Starry
professorsnapeprofessorsnapeMember
Regarding the bits of cake in your kitchen, throw the leftovers in the trash. I learned in Weight Watchers not to bring the enemy home ( or let it stay overnight in the kitchen.) Get rid of your crazy making foods. I do not even buy cookies, or sweets, or other refined sugary foods. They are like crack cocaine to me.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Starrynights:
(Obvious ED triggers) So portions of all of these were dropped off yesterday for judging, and now the remnants are all over my kitchen - it's crazy. And I've only had a few bites here and there except for one thing...

I

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