((Turtle))

I know I sometimes feel desperate for time with my T between sessions. For me it is a longing to not be alone in my mind. I am so frightened of opening up to people in my life. It doesn't feel safe to.

Can you think of anything that your new T could do that might help you during the down time? I know I call and listen to my T's voice mail message often. Her message ends with her saying "looking forward to speaking with you soon". I always imagine that maybe she means that for me. Maybe she might look forward to speaking with me. If your T would make a reassuring recording for you that said "Turtle, I am here for you. I'm not going to leave you or go away. I'm looking forward to our next session." Would you be able to find comfort in that? Maybe she would be willing to do that for you.

Jillann

Thanks Jillian, I am sorry that you know this pain as well. I suppose a lot of people here do know that pain.

I have a hard time holding onto what happens between sessions. I mean I have a hard time holding on to the care or good feelings that I leave a session with.

Turtle, you explained your pain very well, and having been there too, I am empathizing with you right now! Obviously the tendency to react this way comes from within us, but some T's seem to unknowingly feed the fire more than others, and the result is unquenchable pain. I am now realizing that my old-T did a disservice to me by doing very little to help me know how to contain myself when she couldn't be there. So instead, I was always suffering between the gaps, and being upset over her unavailability and also with myself for feeling so helpless. My new-T has been coaching me with skills to be able to calm myself, and at first I bristled at the idea (thinking that if I had to calm myself then it must mean no one else cared.) But I am beginning to truly appreciate that she is giving me a gift -- not taking anything away -- and I see it as an act of caring that I never got from old-T. I don't know if this will help you where you are at right now, because I couldn't understand or hear it from others on the forum for the longest time. I just hope your new-T gets the whole picture, and empowers you to cope during the gaps where she inevitably will fall short of meeting some of your needs. Thinking of you.

Hi MH!! Thanks for sharing your experience with this.

I am wondering what it is that you do between sessions that helps you contain the pain? I do try some things but can only keep them up for so long. The pain is like a stain on my heart or something. It seems that when I got it all cleaned up the stain comes back.

(((MH))))

Turtle, I know this pain too. I also am one to listen to T's voicemail. I also have some previous text messages from her that help.

Thank you RM! Yeah it can get sort of on the painful side and I don't even understand why that is exactly. I wish I could have more control over it.

Hi Turtle,

I had that pain and it was bad. It's the pain of separation. I don't know if this is true but I think that when you have a trauma within the context of trying to get your attachment needs met, separation is going to cause a whole lot of pain.

What helped me was to talk to my T about it. He and I worked on ways to lessen the pain and to meet my needs for contact. It does goes away and I'm at the point where I'm starting to separate in a significant way.

I have that pain. constantly. A black cloud over me - suffocates me. to me it feels like death and grief. If I can't see my T - she doesn't exist. Then when I am with her I am in shock in a way trying to believe that she is really there and I can't speak. Then I go and she is gone again.

This pain is the worst ever. I hate it.
SD

((turtle))
I don't know about you, but I am very isolated between sessions. And when things are bad - it is hard to get through the day. I mostly watch TV or surf the net, but hate that I'm not moing forward.

Is isolation a problem for you? May I ask in what way you are kinder to yourself when not in therapy? How long has it been since you've gone a significant length of time without it?

If you haven't ever done any DBT, that might help you "contain the pain" better. It is often taught as a class and you go once or twice a week. That might help you tolerate gaps between therapy sessions better - I mean, just going to a DBT class with others struggling with similar problems might break up the time a little?

peanut

Thanks Peanut. My whole life seems to be distress tolerance. I am hoping to move beyond that some time soon. Yes I am in dbt. Have been for 56 months. Have to get a new T though and that is what I am working on right now. I have seen this new T 3 times but have done no therapy what so ever with her. It has all been psychological testing. I hope to GOD that tomorrow when I see her we can get back to doing dbt or whatever the hell we are going to be doing.

I do isolate a lot Peanut. I did that very deliberately for the last 13 years. I am just now trying to reach out to people again and get some friendships going. It's been slow and arduous. I used to make friends very easily 13 years ago. I must be rusty now or not know where to go to meet people.

Draggers

quote:

The best thing you can do is try and talk about it

Is that what helped you? Because I have been in therapy for a very long time and that pain never lets up. Or rarely does it let up. Since my mom's death it has been almost unbearable. I realize now that she was my anchor. Do you share your journaling with your T?

SD, I know what you are talking about especially when you actually do get to see your T how it really isn't that much of a relief but rather the fuel that keeps the pain going.

(((SD))))

OOPS!! I have been in DBT for 6 months not 56 months!! God that would be horrible. lol