quote:

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when you start to experience those longings



AG:

i HATE those longings. the feelings are constantly churning inside now. i feel SO confused most of the time about pretty much EVERYTHING!!!

just wondering, for those of you who have been where i am on my therapy journey: is is going to clear up anytime soon, or have i unleashed some sort of monster? i mean, i have NEVER felt so out-of-control, EVER!!and i don't see ANY light, not even at the end of the tunnel, so to speak!!



btw, thanks for all your help, and it REALLY is very helpful to know i'm not alone with all of this!!



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quote:

you are missed

i meant to say "I agree that you are missed." this is no piece of cake for the computer illiterate, you know?! LOL!!

but you ARE resisting quite a bit

how do i stop resisting? i don't want to because i want to "hurry up and get on with it" so i can feel better, but i have no idea how to let go and give it to him or whatever? any suggestions?

quote:

how do i stop resisting? i don't want to because i want to "hurry up and get on with it" so i can feel better, but i have no idea how to let go and give it to him or whatever? any suggestions?

I certainly don't think I do this myself, but I think "not resisting" in this case is doing stuff like calling him and telling him how you feel, admitting to him that you feel dependent or like a kid, admitting to him that you want a call back, and talking to him about how horrible these feelings make you feel. And telling him what you're afraid of, if you know (I never know).

Again, I don't do these things well, and I would have a really hard time saying them to Tfella if I didn't think he actually cared enough to not take them and (metaphorically) thrash me with them.

At least, I _think_ that's what "resistance" in this case means. *shrugs* <---n00b.

I agree with Wynne. I think calling him & talking to him so that you can at least clear the air now and not wait 6 six weeks would be a good step forward.

Remember, you only have to take baby steps, not big giant leaps.

Hi AJB,
It is pretty much like what Wynne and River already said. It’s not something we do intentionally as if we don’t really want help. Of course we want help, but this is something we need to keep in check.

If you have a need you need to speak to it. You need to be honest and upfront with your T and understand that he is not a mind reader. I sort of thought that they were myself thinking “hey, they have all this training in reading between the lines, studying human behavior and body language. She should pick up on it.” Nope, not that easy. We have to do a lot of soul searching, a lot of confessing, a lot of identifying what we really feel and why, and exposing ourselves to the vulnerability of some of our most humiliating experiences in the hands of someone we know practically nothing about it. (No wonder we resist it.) Not to mention our feelings were often not allowed to be heard before. I can’t help but to think of that other thread “Ridiculous Feelings” because it is really very hard sometimes to know and name what we are feeling. I have a terrible time with that myself… I wonder if I am Exothalmic.
JM

JM
I WONDER THE SAME THNG!!
KINDA AGONIZING. TOMORROW'S WED. NO APPT, BUT AM ON THE CANCELLATION LIST. I REALLY WANT TO GO, BUT I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT CALL AGAIN!!!!! NOT EVEN TO ASK THE RECEPTIONIST IF THERE HAVE BEEN ANY CANCELLATIONS. JUST HOPE THERE IS ONE AND I GET THE CALL!!BUT I AM JUST SETTING MYSELF UP. WILL BE SOOOO DISAPPOINTED IF I DON'T GET IN.

Hi AJB,
I hate that “agonizing” feeling you describe. I think it’s a learning process that some of us go through. We WANT to prove that our old neg. beliefs are wrong, but we are actually expecting to be let down again. I am sorry this is so tortuous for you and I hope that you get a call of a cancellation soon. There is nothing wrong with you calling and checking, but I certainly understand that when you feel that you have stretched your neck out and haven’t received a reply it feels like a terrible rejection all over again. Who’d be foolish enough to keep doing something with that expected outcome? (SL) I know it really hurts. I have been experiencing the sting of rejection myself lately. It triggers the old beliefs that trusting others with my deepest emotions is a dangerous and hurtful experience that always proves itself eventually. Usually after you’ve fallen into a state of non-returnable vulnerability first. (I guess I know what I’m going to talk about in therapy today.) Anyway, I really do feel for you AJB, and I do understand how painful those feelings really are. I wish I had a magic pill, because I sure could use one myself.

Take Care and keep us posted. Your feelings are important here. We can still ride in the same boat even if our appts. don’t line up on the same day.
JM

awww. thanks alot jm. it really does help to feel understood.