Hey Kats- I've not heard of that in peticular, but it sounds possible and very interesting.

I've assumed that my own emotional immaturity is related to the fact that I did not develop the attachment I needed as an infant and that my family life was so chaotic, highly dysfunctional and very traumatic. I also think that is why I chose addiction; as a means of escape.

I did go through a bout of drinking and drugs in my teenage years, but I put all that aside when I became a young mother at the age of 20. I did not develop an alcohol addiction until many years later though the pattern or tendency was always there. So as for a link to alcoholism and my emotional immaturity I don't neccesarily see it, though it makes sense because of what alcohol and drugs do to the brain. Maybe it depends on "when" you become an addict/abuser. I _do_ know that it gets in the way of working through the necessary deep stuff in therapy. I used during the whole 2 1/2 years of therapy and now that I quit I find I am re-visiting many events and emotions and experiencing them at much deeper levels than before.

Excellent question, I hope someone has some answers.

JM

Hey there...

My knowledge on alcoholism is negligible, but I have a bit of experience with emotional immaturity!

I guess the birth of any addiction would mean that the necessity to deal with things becomes less in the addict's mind? In that, whatever the addiction may be, it takes the place of making rational decisions for - amongst other things - emotional health?

Just a thought.

And then, once you stop using, there's a void...IMO, an addiction needs to be replaced with a plan. That doesn't make it easier (I still really, really want to cut sometimes), but it does create the sense of moving forward as opposed to going stir crazy as a result of having given up the one thing that stopped you going there in the first place!

There's also the issue with alcoholism as to what the alcohol actually does to the structure of one's brain...but then again, I'd say that life experience itself could also alter brain matter?

There could be some books/articles on this that you could track down...

In short, I'm probably as much in need of some insight on this one as you are

CQ

How did I get here? Early on I start noticing that my reactions are different than those of other people, so I started controlling them: I don't show that I am happy or sad until I decide what amount of that emotion is appropriate to show. Excitement, anger, joy, pain... it's all under control. Now I need to smile, now I need to be nice, now I should show that I'm upset. It's a lot of pressure and work. It's hard work and the results are not very encouraging: people think you don't care, when you burst out they get surprised and become uncomfortable with the emotional overflow. Then there's always the lag: something happens and I don't show any emotion until I decide what the appropriate emotion is. So everything looks good 5 minutes after it happens, but the next day a storm comes out: quite confusing for everyone around, isn't it?



Kats

Emotions are always hard to figure out. Especially for those of us who try to control them. And I know the feeling of 'confusing for everyone around' ... You seem to be working hard on this one... good for you!

Wish I had some brilliant insight, justknow we here are 'with you' ...

Scott/Antoni

If you are talking about the extremes of emotion and feelings... like things are either black or white or that your emotions go from 0-60 in a milisecond then I think it relates to dysregulation of affect. In my case it's either that things are dire or not worthy of attention. I don't have much gray area when it comes to emotions or feelings or anxiety either it seems. I know this has to do with my disorganized attachment and how due to living with an abusive situation my brain does not process the way it should in regulating my emotions. Perhaps this is emotional immaturity, I'm not sure. I know that I have noticed a slight improvement in this area since going to therapy and working on the attachment issues with my T and I hope to see more improvement in this area as I continue therapy.

TN

quote:

Originally posted by Hummingbird:

i think emotional maturity has to do with a lessening of the need for things to be clear and finite. Almost like a lessening of the need for the safety of something to hold onto because we learn to keep our balance no matter what. So instead of trying to control the wave or make it go away, we learn to surf. Something like that...
HB

I love the way you put this, HB. I'll have to remember it... and learn to surf! My problem is that I always want to control everything...that's what makes me feel safer. I'm working on letting go of this behavior.

TN

quote:

I don't show that I am happy or sad until I decide what amount of that emotion is appropriate to show. Excitement, anger, joy, pain... it's all under control. Now I need to smile, now I need to be nice, now I should show that I'm upset.

Kat - I do the same thing to an extent, except I never really show the emotion fully - because I forced myself not to sometime in my junior high years. I don't get excited, and I don't get mad, I don't cry and I don't laugh. At parties or in groups I spent most of my time watching what other people were doing and I would imitate them. I knew there was a huge delay between the incident/joke/bad news and my reaction, so I just taught myself not to react. Everyone thinks I'm the shy, calm and relaxed one because I act this way. They don't see at all what I'm holding in on the inside, and I don't show it because I'm still not sure whether my reaction would be appropriate or not. It's become so much of part of me now, that I'm not sure it's going to change anytime soon.

IMHO, I'm not sure if emotional immaturity can be blamed on alcohol directly. It may be a matter of which came first, the chicken or the egg. People drink so they don't have to face their problems. Then the alcohol becomes a crutch and they don't face their problems. So they don't have to mature and learn for themselves how to deal with their problems. Once you stop using alcohol, you have to mature emotionally or you won't be able to face the issues, which may drive you back to drink.

A lot of us are emotionally immature, and we deal with that in many different ways. Some withdraw, some become extreme extroverts, some use alcohol or other vice. And while we're doing these things to mask the immaturity, we aren't allowing ourselves to grow. And if we don't grow, we have to depend on our other coping mechanisms which are usually unhealthy and then we never grow.

OW