I have the trouble that others have in not always being able to feel my T's empathy. I posed a question to him on Monday. I asked if it was possible that I was using my pain to get a hug? Instead of needing the hug in order to express my pain and sadness?

I'm willing to consider that as a possibility but as someone who has trouble going to people for emotional support because of all the blank stares I got as a kid, I'm not so sure it's all about the hug. I know I want the hug. But I don't know if it's all about the hug.

I'd never processed my pain and I can really see the benefit in doing so. I have more of a sense of self because of doing so.

I went to see the Pdoc yesterday and told me I'm pretty much always sad. He knows about half of the things that have happened and/or are happening in my life. And his response was, you have a lot to be sad about.

So, my question is, if I have a lot to be sad about and expressing it will get me emotional support, isn't that a good thing?

Or maybe T is getting at the fact that maybe I want to use the hug as a way to medicate the pain? So to speak.