Really, I feel like this therapy has done more damage to me than good. It's damaged my trust in therapists. It's damaged my trust in other people. My therapist also always tried to make me believe bad things about myself, so I guess it has also damaged my self-esteem even though I've tried my best to keep my head cool and not take seriously his thoughts... but I saw him twice a week for two years, so of course his opinions of me affected me, even if I didn't want them to. Crappy, damaging experience.

I am jealous of people who have grown attached to their therapist and who feel sad when the therapy ends. I don't have those feelings at all. My therapist thinks I have them (because he doesn't understand or listen to me, he just has his textbook theories) but honestly all I feel is disappointment in the unsuccesfulness of the therapy, anger at the therapist (for not listening to me and for damaging me) and happy that it's over so I have one thing less to feel bad about.

Hi PD,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you seem to have had a lousy therapist. There are certainly bad and mediocre therapists out there! The only positive here is that you figured it out and left when you did instead of staying even longer.

At least, if you decide to try again with a different T, you will have the chance to ask more questions and find someone who is a much better fit for you.

The only way to grow close to your therapist is to share all your inner most secrets, thoughts, feelings and all the bad things inside you. You are there in a mutual relationship, together on a journey for good and bad.

Every session is painful because you have to dig deeper and it hurts.

It sounds like you have never had that with this therapist and until you are able to speak freely and do things for yourself and not him - you are probably wasting your time in therapy.

Your T sounds weird anyway - to keep encouraging you to stay even when you have expressed that you want to leave.

good luck

Thank you for your responses. I have already initially picked my next therapist. I only met with her once. I'm not sure if I asked her the right questions. I asked her:
- Will you give me "homework"? (I want a therapist that gives homework.)
- What do you think about my ending my previous therapy? (I don't want a therapist who thinks negatively of me because of ending my previous therapy relationship. She didn't have an opinion because she didn't know enough about my relationship with my T but she seemed a little bit surprised to hear that I'm not attached to my T after two years.)
- Does your therapy focus on altering the patient's thoughts (vs emotions)? (I prefer a therapist who focuses on thoughts 'cause it's easier for me but this woman said that while her therapy tradition (cognitive) tends to focus on thoughts, she likes to take into consideration the patient's past and treat the patient with a holistic approach or something like that. I think her repy was very good because I would also feel bad if my therapist just dismissed my feelings... that wouldn't be good at all.)
- Do you have children? (She does.)
- I didn't ask about her education because I had already read on her website about it, she seems fairly well educated.

Things that I didn't ask but she elaborated on anyway:
- Wether she thinks that a therapy relationship is one where the therapist is an authority figure or an "equal" relationship. (She thinks of the relationship more as an "equal" relationship which sounds really good to me.)
- That she thinks that women and men are different as therapy patients - women, according to her, are generally more in touch with their emotions. (I'm not sure if I agree with this, it sounded a bit weird, and besides, I don't know if I can say that I'm in touch with my emotions in spite of being female.)

The good thing about her seemed to be that she seemed to understand some of my issues without me even telling her about them. Or maybe that was just a coincidence. Anyway, she asked me during the first session wether I worry a lot about what other people think of me. And yes, that happens to be one of my major issues. So at least she seemed to understand something about me even though I don't have a clear intuition about her as a therapist after just one session. She also looked very friendly and sensitive (and I don't mean sensitive in a way that she's going to break, but in a way that she looked like someone who could perhaps be understanding and not too harsh, but I'm not sure about this since I don't consider myself excellent at "reading" other people.) Can you give me some advice, did I ask her enough questions? Should I pick her?

I think she has said a few really good things that are positive and nothing she said has raised any alarm bells for me.

Why don't you give her a trial of 2 or 3 sessions to see if you can get used to her? Don't make any commitment further than that, just get a feel.

Pink,

I'm sorry you had to deal with a therapist like that but I'm glad you had the strength to end it and move forward. As for new T, she sounds pretty legit but in the end it all comes down to you and how comfortable you feel with her. I agree with SomeDays in giving her maybe a few more sessions to get more of a feel or her. I hope everything works out!