Hi Daisy,
without doubt transferring from one T to another is really hard. I had to do it this Autumn and I think it took three months of heart ache to get settled. But the good news is, I am now happily settled with a new t (actually he is a psychologist) but I am feeling much better with him than I did with the previous T - and I am working deeper too - unocvering more. So what seems a terrible situation to you could indeed have a silver lining. I believe we are thrown what we need to learn and I have learnt much from this difficult period.
I had been with the previous T for 16 months.
I was well bonded with her, very attached infact.
Three months on I feel comfortable with the new one, who also got to hear a lot about how painful the transition was for me.
So - maybe try and make the best of the ending, and have a transition period where You are seeing a new one whilst ending with this one. And make sure you have covered all the things you want to say. It sounds like your current T has really got your best interests in mind, as he is aware that it will cost too much if you stay with him. THat is so kind and thoughtful of him and he might help you with your initial responces to the ones you go interview.
good luck, I am not saying it is easy but it can work out very well indeed, in the end.

Hi Daisy,

It sounds like a yucky situation to be in. It's worse than giving 2 weeks notice at a job and the last two weeks are hell. You still work there but you don't. I've ended with T's before when I was younger but never really acknowledged the ending. It just kind of came and there was really no acknowledgment of it. But I don't think I've ended with a T I'm really attached to, as it sounds like you are. And, you know he really likes you and wants to work with you. Talk to T in these last 7 sessions about how hard it will be to start with a new T that you are not so sure of. He might be able to help you work through the feelings.

I left last T of my own choice but one thing I found really helpful was to have a new T in place before I left her. I made an appointment with new T, liked him, decided to switch and then went back and told Old T. Maybe that is another thing you could try, if financially possible. To find a new T before switching?

Is it that your insurance ran out? Or your number of sessions? Are you willing and able to pay the fees to current T? But it's just his suggestion that you find someone new? If you are willing to pay his fees, why not tell him this and that you want to stay? What you want to pay for your therapy is your business, no? It's another thing if you don't have the money. Just one more thing to think about.

HUGS,

Liese

Thanks for the replies.

Liese, I liked you analogy to giving 2 weeks notice. I'm not sure what can be done in 7 sessions, how much time needs to be given over to making sure the end is good. Sadly, I'm taking on board what you said about making sure I say all I want to say before leaving but the problem is I not sure what it is. I can see myself after the last session realizing I didn't say things I wanted to.

Insurance is limited by number of sessions. I'll be funding my future therapy from savings so in a way yes I could afford current Ts fees but would limit me to fewer sessions. Now if only I could tell how many more sessions I would need.....

I haven't raised the possibility of me staying with current T and self funding with him, basically because he has been presenting the options of I leave therapy altogether or I find a new T. And because he has presented these as the only options I find it difficult to say what I want to and say there is an option of me paying to stay with him (I get the impression that he isn't impressed with the management at the hospital and he thinks what they have decided to charge as way too high).

I think I want to stay with him but I don't know if that's fuelled by fear of the unknown and fear of change. I don't know what to look for in a new T, I spent the first couple of months with current T being very unsure if he was the right fit for me - if I had been paying myself I probably would have left. Having only had one T I have no frame of reference as to how good he is so moving could be good as the next T could be better.

I'm not sure if I'm just too attached and don’t want to say goodbye. He says I need to understand that nothing is certain with relationships but you have to accept them all the same. One of my problems is I want too much from people, want guarantees that they will be there and this leads to hurt for me so on an intellectual level I know that changing Ts might be a good experience for me.

Arrggg just don't know what I'm going to do.

Daisy.

Hi Daisy,

What a difficult situation to be in. It would be hard for me also to bring it up to my T that I could self-fund if he presented those two options as my only options. But maybe it would be worth bringing it up to him since you like him so much. What you pay for your therapy should be your choice. If you switch T's, you will still have to self-fund but just pay less? You could stretch out your visits until your insurance kicks in again. Mine just kicked in again since it's January. Yours is done for the year?

I've been seeing my T for 3 years and still haven't gotten to do the deep emotional work I need to do. I don't think 15 months is all that long for you to be seeing him. (At least not in my book.)

Let me know what you decide to do. When do you see him again?

((((((HUGS)))))

Liese

I just really don't know what to do. If my T had presented the options of stay with him and pay or move on then I would have made the decision to stay with him. I had a session with him on Thursday and I should have discussed the option of self funding but I said nothing and left the session feeling annoyed with myself because I couldn't bring myself to talk to him about it. He told me that sometimes moving to a new T can be really benefical in that it brings a whole new perspecive, he said that he has changed supervisor in the past because it got to the point where his supervisor was just telling him the same thing again and again. He felt that sometimes we go round in cirles because he is telling me the same thing over and over again. So is he really wanting me move on and it is more than the money issue? If i asked him if I could stay and self fund and he said no I would find that so hard to handle.

In some ways the thought of moving T has focused me on what I want to achieve from therapy and the changes I need to make in my life, but I need a secure base from which to do that - and that's what my T is providing and I can't face the starting all over again and spending all that time building up a new relationship with a new T.

Unfortunatly it's not a case of waiting for insurance to kick in again as my poicy does not cover long term conditions which this is now classed as.

I found that actually it did not take THAT long to feel like my P knew quite a lot about me, I thought before that it would take ages for him to know as much as my ex C knew in the 17 months I had worked for her, but we just leapt in and got on with it and I am about session 14 and he seems to be in much deeper than she ever went.

It has helped me getting a whole new perspective, and being with a new person brought more stuff up too somehow.