This thread has been really helpful to me. Thank you to all for helping me to understand this process and the inner child. I have tried some of this work, but shame usually shuts it down.
I wanted to give you all an update to my session today with T.
I was oddly not that nervous. I had re-read my entire thread before going and it was a helpful reminder. You all had such great insight and suggestions. So I walked in and he said he was getting worried about me (I was uncharacteristically a bit late) he shook my hand and then he asked me if I had a nice weekend. I told him it sucked. He said..oh? What happened. So I then told him that we needed to discuss something. He asked what and I told him it was his “gross misattunement” to me on Thursday. He looked interested and sat down and said tell me about it. What happened?
I told him that he hurt me… so then he said he would never want to hurt me… I said but he did and he also made me very angry. So I told him that it took a lot of courage for me to hand him that note from LTN and he read it, put it down, said he would treasure it and then immediately launched into criticism. That the first thing he had to say was that he could not play with me. And to make matters even worse, he told me exactly who he COULD play with…. His wife and his daughter and various unknown people on the golf course…. But oh NOT ME. Why don’t you just heap more deprivation on me? I didn’t get deprived enough as a child. I told him he really put his foot in it and ….oh btw…. Did you even bother to ask me what I thought of as “play”? And then I looked up and …. I saw that he had a new lamp on his credenza and I told him “I HATE your new lamp”!! (The lamp he replaced had a shade with all little read hearts around it and it was the only whimsical, warm, homey thing left in his office and I just wanted to cry)… he said he broke the other lamp and it could not be helped and to continue on and ignore the lamp for now…. So I continued on with … Did you bother to explain what YOU were referring to as play? No. You just made sure I knew I could not expect anything from you, even if you didn’t know what I wanted. I told him that LTN put her hand out to try to connect with him and he just stomped on it. He smiled wryly and said when he blows it, he does it in a big way. He said he was sorry. I said that he dug himself a hole with the comment about playing and then dug himself in deeper with the daughter/wife comments. He agreed.
He admitted that he made a mistake. That he was “projecting” his own ideas onto me. That he was wrong not to bother to ask me questions about what LTN was talking about. He said we had spoken at length about C and how well I played with him but not only that, that our play had purpose developmentally and we were growing together by doing all the things we did together and he was just sorry he could not play with me in that way. That he could not do the things with me that I did with C and he was sad. When I asked what things, he just said things that would have to be done outside the office in everyday life. That he was not in my everyday life to interact with me as C did. I then reminded him that for me to hear he would not play with me directly contradicted what he told me some time ago that if I needed to sit on the floor and color or play games to encourage contact with LTN then he would do that. He did admit he said that but that was different. He again asked if I could accept his apology and that he was only human. I said I knew he was human and I could accept his apology, but I didn’t think I could forget what he did. He said that was fair and I should remember and that he would have to work to earn back my trust. He said he was glad I got angry because that meant I was getting healthy and could protect myself. He also told me that on Thursday he had a serious patient crisis and had really tried not to allow it to contaminate our session but he didn’t do a good enough job of it. I sort of glared at him. He said it happens occasionally. And then he mentioned the memorial we did on Monday….
I said to him that I thought I did a better job of handling that than he did! He smiled and agreed with me. I asked him if he felt that because we did that together that I would now want to do other things outside of the room? That I would begin to expect more real life stuff from him? I told him that I understood the boundaries around that trip to the park and I am not one to push boundaries (he agreed here) and I understood the therapeutic purpose of it and was solely focused on that. He said he was honored that I wanted him there and I told him I was honored that he came with me. I told him that after that closeness I did not do my usual dance of then pushing him away. I stayed close. But he pushed ME away and got defensive. He admitted that he did but I’m still not sure why. I do think having that very close and intimate ritual at the park impacted him in some way. He just told me he was sad that I lost someone so meaningful to my life. He said I did a wonderful job and obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it and it was beautiful. I told him it was very hard for me. He said that it was a more peaceful ending for C than the actual one he had. I said I hoped so.
We then sort of moved into talking about C and some of my memories. He was fairly quiet and listened to me talk of funny stories or how I helped C in his business and how we found success together. Before I knew it time was up. I was a bit teary at that point so I just sat there a minute and collected myself. He said he was very proud of me today. That I handled this all very well and he was glad I didn’t try to do this via email because it was better to do this face to face. I told him I was angry with him because now he was messing with MY work. He chuckled at that and then he said I’ll see you Thursday right? I said yes, see you then. We shook hands and I left.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling about all this. It was good that he owned his part in screwing up. He did explain some of why he was behaving as he did. He apologized and admitted he had to earn back my trust. I know he cares about me and wants me to get well and we do work well together. And I really care about him. So I guess we will talk more on Thursday and see where we go from there.
So, Becca and Starfishy you were on track with some of what was going on. I look forward to any comments. Thank you all for being such great support. You all helped me get to Monday in good shape.
Hugs
TN
I was oddly not that nervous. I had re-read my entire thread before going and it was a helpful reminder. You all had such great insight and suggestions. So I walked in and he said he was getting worried about me (I was uncharacteristically a bit late) he shook my hand and then he asked me if I had a nice weekend. I told him it sucked. He said..oh? What happened. So I then told him that we needed to discuss something. He asked what and I told him it was his “gross misattunement” to me on Thursday. He looked interested and sat down and said tell me about it. What happened?
I told him that he hurt me… so then he said he would never want to hurt me… I said but he did and he also made me very angry. So I told him that it took a lot of courage for me to hand him that note from LTN and he read it, put it down, said he would treasure it and then immediately launched into criticism. That the first thing he had to say was that he could not play with me. And to make matters even worse, he told me exactly who he COULD play with…. His wife and his daughter and various unknown people on the golf course…. But oh NOT ME. Why don’t you just heap more deprivation on me? I didn’t get deprived enough as a child. I told him he really put his foot in it and ….oh btw…. Did you even bother to ask me what I thought of as “play”? And then I looked up and …. I saw that he had a new lamp on his credenza and I told him “I HATE your new lamp”!! (The lamp he replaced had a shade with all little read hearts around it and it was the only whimsical, warm, homey thing left in his office and I just wanted to cry)… he said he broke the other lamp and it could not be helped and to continue on and ignore the lamp for now…. So I continued on with … Did you bother to explain what YOU were referring to as play? No. You just made sure I knew I could not expect anything from you, even if you didn’t know what I wanted. I told him that LTN put her hand out to try to connect with him and he just stomped on it. He smiled wryly and said when he blows it, he does it in a big way. He said he was sorry. I said that he dug himself a hole with the comment about playing and then dug himself in deeper with the daughter/wife comments. He agreed.
He admitted that he made a mistake. That he was “projecting” his own ideas onto me. That he was wrong not to bother to ask me questions about what LTN was talking about. He said we had spoken at length about C and how well I played with him but not only that, that our play had purpose developmentally and we were growing together by doing all the things we did together and he was just sorry he could not play with me in that way. That he could not do the things with me that I did with C and he was sad. When I asked what things, he just said things that would have to be done outside the office in everyday life. That he was not in my everyday life to interact with me as C did. I then reminded him that for me to hear he would not play with me directly contradicted what he told me some time ago that if I needed to sit on the floor and color or play games to encourage contact with LTN then he would do that. He did admit he said that but that was different. He again asked if I could accept his apology and that he was only human. I said I knew he was human and I could accept his apology, but I didn’t think I could forget what he did. He said that was fair and I should remember and that he would have to work to earn back my trust. He said he was glad I got angry because that meant I was getting healthy and could protect myself. He also told me that on Thursday he had a serious patient crisis and had really tried not to allow it to contaminate our session but he didn’t do a good enough job of it. I sort of glared at him. He said it happens occasionally. And then he mentioned the memorial we did on Monday….
I said to him that I thought I did a better job of handling that than he did! He smiled and agreed with me. I asked him if he felt that because we did that together that I would now want to do other things outside of the room? That I would begin to expect more real life stuff from him? I told him that I understood the boundaries around that trip to the park and I am not one to push boundaries (he agreed here) and I understood the therapeutic purpose of it and was solely focused on that. He said he was honored that I wanted him there and I told him I was honored that he came with me. I told him that after that closeness I did not do my usual dance of then pushing him away. I stayed close. But he pushed ME away and got defensive. He admitted that he did but I’m still not sure why. I do think having that very close and intimate ritual at the park impacted him in some way. He just told me he was sad that I lost someone so meaningful to my life. He said I did a wonderful job and obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it and it was beautiful. I told him it was very hard for me. He said that it was a more peaceful ending for C than the actual one he had. I said I hoped so.
We then sort of moved into talking about C and some of my memories. He was fairly quiet and listened to me talk of funny stories or how I helped C in his business and how we found success together. Before I knew it time was up. I was a bit teary at that point so I just sat there a minute and collected myself. He said he was very proud of me today. That I handled this all very well and he was glad I didn’t try to do this via email because it was better to do this face to face. I told him I was angry with him because now he was messing with MY work. He chuckled at that and then he said I’ll see you Thursday right? I said yes, see you then. We shook hands and I left.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling about all this. It was good that he owned his part in screwing up. He did explain some of why he was behaving as he did. He apologized and admitted he had to earn back my trust. I know he cares about me and wants me to get well and we do work well together. And I really care about him. So I guess we will talk more on Thursday and see where we go from there.
So, Becca and Starfishy you were on track with some of what was going on. I look forward to any comments. Thank you all for being such great support. You all helped me get to Monday in good shape.
Hugs
TN
TN - thank you so much for sharing details of your f/u session with T today. You handled this with such grace and honesty. You make me feel hopeful in dealing with these types of things - ie., that they CAN be without shutting down.
I thank you and li'l one thanks you for sharing.
Kid
I thank you and li'l one thanks you for sharing.
Kid
TN, I hope you are pleased with how things went, you mentioned that you weren't sure how you felt yet. It does sound hopeful. Maybe he'll have more insights the next time you meet when he's had time to reflect. You said he admitted he might have pushed you away but it doesn't look like he explained why. I've been in situations where my own T was tongue tied and slow to respond to something. It reminds me that she is human too and I don't necessarily want some glib response.
I'm impressed that you weren't that nervous and that you were able to lay it all out in a way that directly addressed the issue. It would have been hard in a situation like that to not just react instead of being constructive as you were.
I haven't spent enough time on this board to know what your relationship has been like with your T, but to have a T who admits they are wrong seems like a rare phenomenon. For the first time I also find myself with a T that will admit when she is wrong, but she is not a doormat. It is incredibly healing to have a T who can admit they are wrong. If they can learn from it, it makes it even better. Hope yours does.
I'm impressed that you weren't that nervous and that you were able to lay it all out in a way that directly addressed the issue. It would have been hard in a situation like that to not just react instead of being constructive as you were.
I haven't spent enough time on this board to know what your relationship has been like with your T, but to have a T who admits they are wrong seems like a rare phenomenon. For the first time I also find myself with a T that will admit when she is wrong, but she is not a doormat. It is incredibly healing to have a T who can admit they are wrong. If they can learn from it, it makes it even better. Hope yours does.
Thanks for the update TN, I've been thinking about you.
I agree with your T, getting angry and expressing it is a HUGE step, and a great one at that! I'm so glad you didn't let him off the hook easy - you have grown so much with him, and standing your ground, accepting his apology and humanness without forgetting his actions - big stuff.
(((TN))) (((LTN)))
I agree with your T, getting angry and expressing it is a HUGE step, and a great one at that! I'm so glad you didn't let him off the hook easy - you have grown so much with him, and standing your ground, accepting his apology and humanness without forgetting his actions - big stuff.
(((TN))) (((LTN)))
I'm remembering more of the session. At one point I told him that by taking away the option of play (after he told me we could have some sort of limited play within the office) he was behaving just like oldT. He just slipped right into oldT's shoes and was doing the same thing. He looked at me and said "you know that is the absolute worst thing you can call me". And I said, "yes I know".
Later when I was talking about handling the out of office park memorial and boundaries, he said "see this is part of why I think you would be a wonderful T". I said why and he said because you explain things so clearly and so gently and you understand the reasons they are important.
At the end of the session he thanked me for sharing my stories with him (about me and C) and said it was fun to hear them and he was glad we could talk about them.
His whole demeanor and attitude was of apology and wanting to understand and work through it. He was not defensive at all. He was his usual wonderful self. It has taken me a bit of time to have it all settle in and it feels good. I am looking forward to seeing him again on Thursday and continuing our discussion.
Hi TK... I really did want to make this a session to air out my feelings but to also have it be healing and constructive. My T allowed that.
Hi Monte....T and I were a good combination today. I do feel more peaceful tonight. Therapy is not a straight road that is for sure. Thanks for all your support and sharing.
Hi Elly...I have a good relationship with my T. He can be tough but he is fair. Definitely not a doormat LOL. He has good experience in trauma, attachment and failed prior therapy. He saved my life after oldT abandoned me. I am thankful I have him so when things like this happen it's really upsetting to me. T is secure enough in himself to withstand my anger and smart enough to know when to apologize
Hi R2G....thanks for thinking of me. How are you doing? I think I'm getting better at expressing myself and my anger when I have it and am feeling more comfortable with doing so. My T told me that he knows he made me angry and I will probably make him angry too at some point but it will never change the relationship. I'm trying to remember that.
TN
Later when I was talking about handling the out of office park memorial and boundaries, he said "see this is part of why I think you would be a wonderful T". I said why and he said because you explain things so clearly and so gently and you understand the reasons they are important.
At the end of the session he thanked me for sharing my stories with him (about me and C) and said it was fun to hear them and he was glad we could talk about them.
His whole demeanor and attitude was of apology and wanting to understand and work through it. He was not defensive at all. He was his usual wonderful self. It has taken me a bit of time to have it all settle in and it feels good. I am looking forward to seeing him again on Thursday and continuing our discussion.
Hi TK... I really did want to make this a session to air out my feelings but to also have it be healing and constructive. My T allowed that.
Hi Monte....T and I were a good combination today. I do feel more peaceful tonight. Therapy is not a straight road that is for sure. Thanks for all your support and sharing.
Hi Elly...I have a good relationship with my T. He can be tough but he is fair. Definitely not a doormat LOL. He has good experience in trauma, attachment and failed prior therapy. He saved my life after oldT abandoned me. I am thankful I have him so when things like this happen it's really upsetting to me. T is secure enough in himself to withstand my anger and smart enough to know when to apologize
Hi R2G....thanks for thinking of me. How are you doing? I think I'm getting better at expressing myself and my anger when I have it and am feeling more comfortable with doing so. My T told me that he knows he made me angry and I will probably make him angry too at some point but it will never change the relationship. I'm trying to remember that.
TN
Hey TN
I am so glad you were able to go in and sort this out and your T sat and listened, wasn't defensive and was apologetic and very rightly praised your own handling of the situation.
One thing that comes to mind when I read this is how much your T cares about you. He really does love you and I sense he is very sad you can only be in each others lives in a limited way. I think as clients we can sometimes forget that our T's are human and do genuinely have love and care for us and probably have trouble holding boundaries sometimes.
Hugs xx
I am so glad you were able to go in and sort this out and your T sat and listened, wasn't defensive and was apologetic and very rightly praised your own handling of the situation.
One thing that comes to mind when I read this is how much your T cares about you. He really does love you and I sense he is very sad you can only be in each others lives in a limited way. I think as clients we can sometimes forget that our T's are human and do genuinely have love and care for us and probably have trouble holding boundaries sometimes.
Hugs xx
Thank you GE 
You made me very teary reading that and incredibly grateful for my T.
Hugs
TN
You made me very teary reading that and incredibly grateful for my T.
Hugs
TN
(((TN)))
Sending hugs. Glad you had such a positive experience working through those feelings with your T.
Sending hugs. Glad you had such a positive experience working through those feelings with your T.
TN
It was true, you DID handle the entire situation better than T. It was unfortunate that he chose unwise things to say - and his timing and delivery was terrible for the extreme risk you took in trusting him. We all know here how incredibly painful and it was sucha huge step for you to let LTN out - and he trod all over that in a very clumsy way.
Not cool TN's and LTN's T, not cool man. Don't do it again for a very long time.
When the T's (esp the good ones like TN's T) on the forum here do wobbly things - it send me off into crazy town and my T gets my triggery backlash! Do you guys do that too? So today my T is going to get an even more wobbly somedays in her office. She better be ready.
You did so good TN, i am in awe of your courage right now.
Somedays.
It was true, you DID handle the entire situation better than T. It was unfortunate that he chose unwise things to say - and his timing and delivery was terrible for the extreme risk you took in trusting him. We all know here how incredibly painful and it was sucha huge step for you to let LTN out - and he trod all over that in a very clumsy way.
Not cool TN's and LTN's T, not cool man. Don't do it again for a very long time.
When the T's (esp the good ones like TN's T) on the forum here do wobbly things - it send me off into crazy town and my T gets my triggery backlash! Do you guys do that too? So today my T is going to get an even more wobbly somedays in her office. She better be ready.
You did so good TN, i am in awe of your courage right now.
Somedays.
quote:My T told me that he knows he made me angry and I will probably make him angry too at some point but it will never change the relationship. I'm trying to remember that.
My T and I joke about this a lot! The fact that I know I frustrate her (fairly regularly-ish!) and she frustrates me (more occasionally) but because we have built a solid foundation for this relationship, she knows I'll tell her if I'm frustrated and why, and we'll work through it, and the same for her (though usually she doesn't have to tell me she's frustrated with me, I can tell and will say "I know you're frustrated with me right now.")
I still find it so odd that Ts are glad when we get angry with them and express our feelings to them. Strange strange strange, yet, knowing that T will not change, that your relationship with him will not change - that's the gem!
(I'm eh, but surviving. Thanks for asking
)
TN,
I think you did a simply amazing job with all of this from start to finish.
Going in to challenge one's T is massive. It's so hard to find that core of strength to draw from. That you could it and not be consumed by guilt signifies to me that you have managed to internalise some of the good work you've done together and heal somewhat from the horrific damage done by oldT.
I had to do it a few months ago, and even though I knew I had to do it and that in all likelihood it would be safe, it was still very hard to sit there calmly and offer up that feedback and show my vulnerability.
I don't mean to minimise how you still feel - just to be clear. I know from own personal experience that this a long road. But, wow... to go back after feeling so let down and defeated and to lay out your case. Epic amounts of bravery and resilience. I am so glad T responded well. Swallowing that ego and accepting that you can screw up... and that accepting responsibility is key to helping clients heal - that is a very valuable skill.
I think you did a simply amazing job with all of this from start to finish.
Going in to challenge one's T is massive. It's so hard to find that core of strength to draw from. That you could it and not be consumed by guilt signifies to me that you have managed to internalise some of the good work you've done together and heal somewhat from the horrific damage done by oldT.
I had to do it a few months ago, and even though I knew I had to do it and that in all likelihood it would be safe, it was still very hard to sit there calmly and offer up that feedback and show my vulnerability.
I don't mean to minimise how you still feel - just to be clear. I know from own personal experience that this a long road. But, wow... to go back after feeling so let down and defeated and to lay out your case. Epic amounts of bravery and resilience. I am so glad T responded well. Swallowing that ego and accepting that you can screw up... and that accepting responsibility is key to helping clients heal - that is a very valuable skill.
Hi Monte... thanks for checking. I ended up in a full meltdown on Thursday night last week. I was definitely in an emotional flashback and I called T to calm me down and get me through it. He spoke with me for 13 minutes and I did calm down and got through the crazy busy weekend okay.
Monday I had planned to go in to talk to him about what triggered me so badly the week before and I also took in a couple of Pete Walker's articles to read parts of to him because they resonated so strongly with what I'm struggling with. I never got to read because T had his own agenda of what we needed to work on.... which happened to be our relationship. What else is new?
I also discussed some dreams I had been having about C with him. My T feels that C is still very much with me and that the strength of our love was so strong, we remain connected beyond his death. It's just so hard for me to believe that C loved me. I knew how strong my feelings were for him but I can't accept that they were returned but T says he clearly sees it and that my inability to take in the positive feelings about myself is a theme for me. He says I give way more love than I allow myself to take in.
Then he moved onto our relationship. How I need to try to stop intellectualizing it and analyzing it and to just FEEL it. To take in the experience of being with him and how that makes me feel. He told me that he cares very much for me and of course I told him that it all seems so contrived. I was sitting there with unwanted visions of him telling these very same things to his tall, thin, tan blonde clients and how much easier it would be to say it to them. And so then I push away his care, if it's true or not. I did tell him some of what triggered me last week. That I kept hearing him telling me that he could not play with me and that he could only play with his wife and daughter and how that hurt. He said unfortunately I only heard what he can't do but not what he CAN do. I didn't ask what that was and he didn't offer anything.
He told me that it would be impossible for him not to care about me since we spend so much time together (2x per week) and engage in deeply emotional topics. He reminds me that he is attached to me and that it seems to him that he is more firmly attached than I am. He said all of this work we are doing and can do relates to how I feel about him. Then he asked me how I feel about him. I said I didn't know. He said I think you do. So I then told him... "well, I think you are a good T" and he told me that was a "piss-poor answer" and was not a "feeling" Then he wheeled in closer to ask me again and told me to look at him. Okay that was scary and hard and I told him that he scares me and he asked what was it that scares me and I told him that I don't want to have any feelings about him because then he will disappear or leave me or hurt me in some way and I will lose all the good things.
It was just a really tough conversation and it gets hazy towards the end. I do remember him telling me that he would only be torturing me for another 5 minutes.
At one point when talking about the fear of losing everything (again) I got very emotional and realizing it was near the end of session I stopped myself and shut myself down because I knew I had to run back to work and I was extremely busy there. I could not afford to be emotional or dissociative. I had no time to process the session. I had to be normal and functional in a very short time. So we never really got to the heart of the discussion. This seems to happen week after week.
When I was leaving he told me that he would be taking a week off October 7th, which means i don't see him for ten days during that time period. That's hard. I told him then I guess we will only be talking about the weather and sports until he comes back. I can't risk getting into anything deep if I am then left alone with it. None of this is getting any easier and I am just questioning if it's worth it.
Thanks
TN
Monday I had planned to go in to talk to him about what triggered me so badly the week before and I also took in a couple of Pete Walker's articles to read parts of to him because they resonated so strongly with what I'm struggling with. I never got to read because T had his own agenda of what we needed to work on.... which happened to be our relationship. What else is new?
I also discussed some dreams I had been having about C with him. My T feels that C is still very much with me and that the strength of our love was so strong, we remain connected beyond his death. It's just so hard for me to believe that C loved me. I knew how strong my feelings were for him but I can't accept that they were returned but T says he clearly sees it and that my inability to take in the positive feelings about myself is a theme for me. He says I give way more love than I allow myself to take in.
Then he moved onto our relationship. How I need to try to stop intellectualizing it and analyzing it and to just FEEL it. To take in the experience of being with him and how that makes me feel. He told me that he cares very much for me and of course I told him that it all seems so contrived. I was sitting there with unwanted visions of him telling these very same things to his tall, thin, tan blonde clients and how much easier it would be to say it to them. And so then I push away his care, if it's true or not. I did tell him some of what triggered me last week. That I kept hearing him telling me that he could not play with me and that he could only play with his wife and daughter and how that hurt. He said unfortunately I only heard what he can't do but not what he CAN do. I didn't ask what that was and he didn't offer anything.
He told me that it would be impossible for him not to care about me since we spend so much time together (2x per week) and engage in deeply emotional topics. He reminds me that he is attached to me and that it seems to him that he is more firmly attached than I am. He said all of this work we are doing and can do relates to how I feel about him. Then he asked me how I feel about him. I said I didn't know. He said I think you do. So I then told him... "well, I think you are a good T" and he told me that was a "piss-poor answer" and was not a "feeling" Then he wheeled in closer to ask me again and told me to look at him. Okay that was scary and hard and I told him that he scares me and he asked what was it that scares me and I told him that I don't want to have any feelings about him because then he will disappear or leave me or hurt me in some way and I will lose all the good things.
It was just a really tough conversation and it gets hazy towards the end. I do remember him telling me that he would only be torturing me for another 5 minutes.
At one point when talking about the fear of losing everything (again) I got very emotional and realizing it was near the end of session I stopped myself and shut myself down because I knew I had to run back to work and I was extremely busy there. I could not afford to be emotional or dissociative. I had no time to process the session. I had to be normal and functional in a very short time. So we never really got to the heart of the discussion. This seems to happen week after week.When I was leaving he told me that he would be taking a week off October 7th, which means i don't see him for ten days during that time period. That's hard. I told him then I guess we will only be talking about the weather and sports until he comes back. I can't risk getting into anything deep if I am then left alone with it. None of this is getting any easier and I am just questioning if it's worth it.
Thanks
TN
It is worth it TN, it is worth it. It is just at the moment your hurt child parts are crying and have been let down and it will take a while for them to trust again.
The stuff your T spoke about was incredibly touching and probably too intimate for what I could handle. An amazing account of it and you explained it so well. It was helpful for me to read your thinking processes and reactions as they mimic some of mine and helped me think of what happens for me.
Keep at it TN.
SD
The stuff your T spoke about was incredibly touching and probably too intimate for what I could handle. An amazing account of it and you explained it so well. It was helpful for me to read your thinking processes and reactions as they mimic some of mine and helped me think of what happens for me.
Keep at it TN.
SD
Oh man that is so tough that you are now facing a Vaca in therapy. What is that? I noticed for me as well when I am totally off balance with my T and trying to get on track there's always a looming vacation in the near future.
You are so brave TN. You have worked so very hard and I think that you don't give yourself enough credit for all that you endure and work to process and the way that you allow your T to be who he really is. I also want to say that concerning the tan tall blondes, have you ever spoken to him about that? I mean I can see where that would be a frightening subject but it may just help you resolve it some. I mean I get that comparison thing with the people in the waiting room. Heck they don't even have to be tall, blonde and tan. All they have to do is exist and I immediately feel like I am less than. You have an amazing T and I am so glad you are working with him. And TN you are such an interesting, caring, giving and thoughtful person this forum that I can only imagine that in real life you have even more of these qualities and I know your T sees this.
You are so brave TN. You have worked so very hard and I think that you don't give yourself enough credit for all that you endure and work to process and the way that you allow your T to be who he really is. I also want to say that concerning the tan tall blondes, have you ever spoken to him about that? I mean I can see where that would be a frightening subject but it may just help you resolve it some. I mean I get that comparison thing with the people in the waiting room. Heck they don't even have to be tall, blonde and tan. All they have to do is exist and I immediately feel like I am less than. You have an amazing T and I am so glad you are working with him. And TN you are such an interesting, caring, giving and thoughtful person this forum that I can only imagine that in real life you have even more of these qualities and I know your T sees this.
The Kid
((TN))
WOW!! I am SO impressed with you!! That sounds so intense and I would have had such a hard time with that session. I can relate so much to shoving my T away to protect myself from getting too close. I once told him he "horrifies" me when he shows too much care, yet I resent him when I think he isn't showing enough.(And I feel more comfortable convincing myself that he doesn't care at all) You are handling all this beautifully and with so much bravery and strength. I know it has to feel incredibly difficult now (especially with breaks! ugh!!
) but you are so strong and supported by all of us here. Hang in there, TN. It is worth it. Sometimes I think the times it feels the most like 'can I keep doing this?' are the times it is most worth it. So proud of you
AH
WOW!! I am SO impressed with you!! That sounds so intense and I would have had such a hard time with that session. I can relate so much to shoving my T away to protect myself from getting too close. I once told him he "horrifies" me when he shows too much care, yet I resent him when I think he isn't showing enough.(And I feel more comfortable convincing myself that he doesn't care at all) You are handling all this beautifully and with so much bravery and strength. I know it has to feel incredibly difficult now (especially with breaks! ugh!!
) but you are so strong and supported by all of us here. Hang in there, TN. It is worth it. Sometimes I think the times it feels the most like 'can I keep doing this?' are the times it is most worth it. So proud of you AH
I just wanted to say how I am also so very impressed. You are really strong TN. I admire you for that, and for laying it all out here so that we can learn with you as you go through this experience. I am still learning this therapy stuff, so it's nice to come here and be surrounded by people who explain things I have yet to begin to understand about myself. It really helps. I know I am a still a little wobbly on my feet about offering advice and new to the group, but I just wanted to provide support with a hug. 