(deleted for personal reasons, just me and my stuff)
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That is so beautiful to read, Janedoe. I suppose I'm a bit partial since my life used to revolve around horses. It's been a couple years since I've ridden or even been around my horse (or any horse at all). I miss it terribly. But it's the connection with the horse that is what I miss. It is unlike anything you'll ever experience, so it's so neat to read that you're getting a taste of it. It is so true that horses can pick up on your emotions...it makes the relationship symbiotic in a way because the overall outcome of any situation together depends on how you read off of each other.
If you let yourself grow attached to one horse, I think it will make everything all the more powerful, because you can learn so much from each other. But I know it can hurt, too. I don't have my horse anymore, and I worked so closely with him and grew to love him so much that I would need to be willing to put that same kind of trust/love/dedication into another horse for quite some time to adjust. It's a very real relationship. But, on the flip side, when you grow attached to one horse and then are forced to start all over again with another one, it shakes that trust at the beginning, but the hope that you can reestablish something similar grows each time. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
Anyway, thank you for sharing that. I'd love to hear more about how your therapy progresses!
If you let yourself grow attached to one horse, I think it will make everything all the more powerful, because you can learn so much from each other. But I know it can hurt, too. I don't have my horse anymore, and I worked so closely with him and grew to love him so much that I would need to be willing to put that same kind of trust/love/dedication into another horse for quite some time to adjust. It's a very real relationship. But, on the flip side, when you grow attached to one horse and then are forced to start all over again with another one, it shakes that trust at the beginning, but the hope that you can reestablish something similar grows each time. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
Anyway, thank you for sharing that. I'd love to hear more about how your therapy progresses!
Welcome back Janedoe, it is lovely to see you. That was an incredible post, and there is nothing to apologize for. Thank you so much for sharing it - the depth and importance of what you are experiencing are mindblowing.
It's hard to put words to it, but I feel so moved by your post I want to cry. I'm so sorry that you went through such horrific trauma. I remember how rough things were for you when you first began posting here - I don't remember the timing but perhaps at that time you were in still in the hard aftershocks of that trauma. And you were dealing with the terrible pain of the breakdown of the relationship with your T. I remember how much courage it took to build up the relationship with your DBT T, and then to go to the residential treatment - and I remember being so impressed that you did those things, and took yourself into the healing and opened yourself to it.
And then this work with the horses, where you are doing that again, and further, and on such a deep level. I just want to applaud.
I love that you have found that you are able to take the healing slowly, and to 'spread yourself around', as it were - and also that you are gently moving back to the place where you can trust another being to hold a more on-going relationship, to slowly form attachment. Keep us posted - I will be cheering as you do that.
(((((((JD)))))))
It's hard to put words to it, but I feel so moved by your post I want to cry. I'm so sorry that you went through such horrific trauma. I remember how rough things were for you when you first began posting here - I don't remember the timing but perhaps at that time you were in still in the hard aftershocks of that trauma. And you were dealing with the terrible pain of the breakdown of the relationship with your T. I remember how much courage it took to build up the relationship with your DBT T, and then to go to the residential treatment - and I remember being so impressed that you did those things, and took yourself into the healing and opened yourself to it.
And then this work with the horses, where you are doing that again, and further, and on such a deep level. I just want to applaud.
I love that you have found that you are able to take the healing slowly, and to 'spread yourself around', as it were - and also that you are gently moving back to the place where you can trust another being to hold a more on-going relationship, to slowly form attachment. Keep us posted - I will be cheering as you do that.
(((((((JD)))))))
Hi JaneDoe! It's really great to hear from you again. 
And I'm with Kashley and Jones - your post was beautiful to read, so no apologies for length! Besides, we all of us post at length from time to time...you are among friends. 
I was really sorry to read, though, that you've been sick with mono, and then hurt in a bike accident...that's a lot to deal with, and I'm glad you're getting better! And glad that your computer is better, too.
The change I hear in you is amazing...I can tell that you are in such a better place now than when you first started posting, and I can't say enough how much it warms my heart to hear that! I'm so glad you went to that short term residential center to recover and regroup from what happened with your former T. And the trauma, no doubt...forgive me but I don't remember you mentioning before about the trauma in February...I'm guessing it must have happened right before you started posting. JaneDoe, you've been through so much...I'm just really happy to see you come shining through in this way. It is really awesome to watch.
And thank you for describing how you are working with the horses! I've never experienced anything like it but I love hearing about it from you. Especially how the one horse was protective of you, and how that helped you accept you. I really look forward to hearing more about your work with the horses and how it helps you heal in your therapy!
Hugs,
SG
And I'm with Kashley and Jones - your post was beautiful to read, so no apologies for length! Besides, we all of us post at length from time to time...you are among friends. I was really sorry to read, though, that you've been sick with mono, and then hurt in a bike accident...that's a lot to deal with, and I'm glad you're getting better! And glad that your computer is better, too. The change I hear in you is amazing...I can tell that you are in such a better place now than when you first started posting, and I can't say enough how much it warms my heart to hear that!
I'm so glad you went to that short term residential center to recover and regroup from what happened with your former T. And the trauma, no doubt...forgive me but I don't remember you mentioning before about the trauma in February...I'm guessing it must have happened right before you started posting. JaneDoe, you've been through so much...I'm just really happy to see you come shining through in this way. It is really awesome to watch.And thank you for describing how you are working with the horses! I've never experienced anything like it but I love hearing about it from you. Especially how the one horse was protective of you, and how that helped you accept you. I really look forward to hearing more about your work with the horses and how it helps you heal in your therapy!
Hugs,
SG
What a fascinating form of therapy! I know that animals in general can help a lot with healing, but I've never heard about working with horses. Their sensitivity must generate some pretty intense, deep relationships. So interesting.
Your experience in working through your trauma by being so present with the horse sounds very powerful. And what you say about being afraid to get attached (to a horse or to a counselor) makes a lot of sense. Any type of attachment makes us vulnerable. It's a big challenge to let yourself do that, and I think your willingness to work on it shows a lot of courage.
Thanks so much for sharing this - I hope that this work continues to bring you self-acceptance and peace. I'll be very interested to hear more about this (if you want to share it, of course) as you keep working.
Your experience in working through your trauma by being so present with the horse sounds very powerful. And what you say about being afraid to get attached (to a horse or to a counselor) makes a lot of sense. Any type of attachment makes us vulnerable. It's a big challenge to let yourself do that, and I think your willingness to work on it shows a lot of courage.
Thanks so much for sharing this - I hope that this work continues to bring you self-acceptance and peace. I'll be very interested to hear more about this (if you want to share it, of course) as you keep working.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry that you have been through such a horrible experience. It was very moving to read about your experience with the horses. I would love to do something like that, but we don't have it around here except for programs for children.
I hope that your therapy continues to go well. I look forward to hearing more about it.
I hope that your therapy continues to go well. I look forward to hearing more about it.
JD, your post is beautiful, thank you for sharing with us. I've always love horses and felt a deep connection whenever I got to see one, and now I understand why...I am so moved by your expereinces, JD- thanks you for sharing, you have been through so much suffereing and your perseverance is a real inspiration to me.
Just wanted to say that.
BB
Just wanted to say that.
BB
I can identify with the power of animals, intelligent ones that are individuals you can connect with. They transmit peace into your soul. I own a herd of 30 alpacas. They are what keep me sane in my insane world of emotional abuse.
JD that brought tears to my eyes - can I say your story was so poignant and, well, gentle - and you described it all so well I could really picture how it was with you and Elle. That Elle sensed things in you and responded and yes openly gave you something good - that’s so moving.
If an animal gives you love (I believe animals are eminently capable of feelings and of giving too) then you can take it in as genuine, they’re not bothered by all the stuff people judge and criticize and expect. It sounds like you are beginning, little by little, to accept that you can be given kindness and caring - and yes, I know if that were me such a realization would open up massive floodgates of pain so I think your mixed reactions and confusion are perfectly understandable.
Can’t help thinking that you are so lucky to be doing this equine therapy, I’d kill for a chance to work therapeutically with animals (don’t mean to make you feel bad there, just saying how I think it’s a fantastic thing to be able to do.) I hope Elle gives you many more good moments!
LL
If an animal gives you love (I believe animals are eminently capable of feelings and of giving too) then you can take it in as genuine, they’re not bothered by all the stuff people judge and criticize and expect. It sounds like you are beginning, little by little, to accept that you can be given kindness and caring - and yes, I know if that were me such a realization would open up massive floodgates of pain so I think your mixed reactions and confusion are perfectly understandable.
Can’t help thinking that you are so lucky to be doing this equine therapy, I’d kill for a chance to work therapeutically with animals (don’t mean to make you feel bad there, just saying how I think it’s a fantastic thing to be able to do.) I hope Elle gives you many more good moments!
LL
JD- it is wonderful to read about your experiences here. And you write very beautifully and simply- I can feel the healing you are experiencing in this equine therapy, in your words. It seems like just the thing...I am so glad you have this. Please keep posting about this as much as you feel inclined to!
BB
BB
Let us know how it goes! It is good for our hearts, too...
BB
BB