I am a 27 y/o female graduate counseling student. I just started working with clients about a month ago. As part of my counseling program, I am required to see a licensed therapist. I moved to a new city about six months ago and was having trouble finding a licensed counselor I really connected with. After seeing a flyer for a free first session with a consciousness counselor, I went and had an amazing first session. When I found out he was not licensed, I overlooked it for the time being given that I was in a brand new city and really needing quality support. My intention has been to start seeing someone licensed when I absolutely have to, i.e. I’m running out of time to get all my hours for school.
I have seen this consciousness counselor for about six sessions now, with a three month break in between when I tried a few licensed therapists with no success. Over the course of the last four sessions (which took place in the last four weeks), I have developed a huge erotic transference. I feel like I’m falling in love…nervous before seeing him, butterflies, heart racing, thinking about him all the time, fantasizing about him, etc. I can’t focus on my schoolwork right now!
Also important to note is that I have been in a relationship for the last two years that has been dying over the course of the last six months. I recently made the decision to leave my partner because of the issues we’ve been having. This counselor facilitated a deeper level of grieving for me around my childhood (I was raised my two alcoholic parents), helping me realize there were many unmet longings in my most recent romantic relationship.
This counselor isn’t too much older than me, probably mid 30s, I am an avid music lover and he always knows my references, not to mention there are other similarities between us I’ve picked up on based on his responses to me. I just sense we have a lot of the same values and interests. We have often spoke as colleagues and recommend books to each other, and some of the sessions were spent with me talking about my clinical experiences. I know that he has had a recent break up in the last three months or so b/c his website said he was living with his partner and now it doesn’t. Plus we meet at his home and there’s definitely no woman living there.
Given that I completely trust him, I brought up my feeling for him and he was totally professional but didn’t set a firm boundary that nothing will happen. In fact, he said, “What do you want from me?” I also didn’t ask for a strong boundary, as I was too scared to directly ask him about his feelings. After this last session, I was noting that my huge crush on him was inhibiting the therapy and told him I would likely not be coming back. He told me to call him with any reflections over the next two weeks.
I am reeling with longing for him. I see him as an equal, I want to know more about him, I want to know what he’s thinking. I am also recently single and feeling sadness around a failed love. I’ve read a lot of good posts on here about this issue and liked the feedback. I want to ask him out but don’t feel strong enough. I guess I secretly hope he will make the move, since he already knows how I feel. I would be grateful for any feedback you have.