Hi Marsh
I agree with draggers, there is no date when it comes to losing a child and you are right, i also don't think that will ever change.

So no apology necessary and and i am so sorry for your loss.
Pan

((Marsh)) I am so sorry for your loss. My nephew was killed when he was only 15 and I know how hard that was on everyone. Just sending you hugs (())

Smiley

Dear Marsh- i agree with draggers too- there`s no date when it comes to loosing a child- in a way it`s- as you said, like it happened yesterday, because the pain is still so strong, and the memorie so "fresh". I am so so sorry for your loss marsh. I dont think anyone whom hasnt experienced that loss know how its like. Me either, so i am humble when writing this, knowing that you know painfully good how its like. I am close to someone whom lost their child for 10 years ago,- whom was also my friend, but its still affects them, as if it happened yesterday, in a way. -and i have learned from talking with them, that being allowed to talk about what happened as *if* it was yesterday, is a helpful thing for them. Its like a conter force to the preassure from people whom expects one to "get over it" or similar (unhelpful) ideas. Please feel free to share and talk as much or as little that you need to. No need to apologize. We`re here to listen.

Hi,

I wouldn't want any parent to go thru this type of loss. It's not supposed to be like this, we are supposed to be the ones to go first, not them, they are supposed to have their whole life in front of them.

TY Draggers, for your kindness and for your soft gentle hugs. You are sweet with all you are going thru yourself. ((((((Draggers))))))

As far as my FOO is concerned they are dead to me, not just for this but for all they did thru my life.

TY, Pandora for your kind thoughts. I hope all is going ok for you. ((((((Pandora))))))

Oh Smiley, TY so much, I am really touched by your comforting words, especially while you are hurting so! I am so sorry about the loss of your nephew. He was so young, such a loss. Ty also for the hugs. ((((((((((Smiley))))))))))

Hi Frog, TY for your condolences. No one should ever have to experience this. I am sorry for the loss of your friend, but it is so kind of you to talk with the parent. I am sure that it helps them to be able to talk about it with you. Hope you do ok while your T is on Holiday. Just take one day at a time! ((((((Frog)))))

Marsh,
I just wanted to add my condolences for the loss of your son, as a mother I can't think of a worse loss. And there is no expiration date. There are some things that are simply life-changing; once you pass that moment, there is no going back, life will never be the same. So it's not about getting over it; it's about learning to go on and live your life despite the pain and loss. So there was no correction that needed to made Marsh. Of course it's still difficult.

AG

TYVM AG,

It is my hope no other mother, father & siblings has to go through something like this. His death was so very hard to take for me, my DH, & daughter. Yes, it did change all our lives. We all still suffer from it. The anguish, pain, grief, anger, and for me rage and hatred. His life was stolen from him for no logical reason!

With his death, something inside me died as well and I can't get it back. I miss him so much that it tears me apart! In January he will have been 34 yrs old now. He was killed 14 years & 8 months ago.

His death was also a trigger for me about all the things that happened to me as a child and teen. I thought I had a handle on them and had buried all that long ago. But I now know they wasn't, so many things and memories started flooding back more and more as time went by, some that I clearly recalled & some I vaguely remembered & so much more that I didn't recall. Then 1 yr and 8 months or so ago I realized I needed help to handle it all because I was coming apart at the seams. So I started therapy with T1 and when that was terminated, I then started with my current T in Dec 09. She is a tower of strength for me and is so kind and caring. I am missing her badly right now while she is on her break.

Holidays, his Birthday and the anniversary of his death are really difficult for me.

I didn't mean to run on so with all this, I am sorry.

Marsh please don't ever apologize for talking about the grief you feel over losing your son. You truly are living a parent's worst nightmare. Losing a child falls into a category unto itself and the grief is always there because the child is not. I'm so sorry you had to experience such a tragedy and then to add to your suffering all the other traumas in your life came back at you too.

I'm glad you found us and feel you can share this burden with us here. Feel free to say as much or as little as you feel able. We are here for you.

Hugs
TN

TN,

Ty for gently reminding me I need not apologize for the grief and pain that I feel.

Old habits die hard, I use to say that to my parents when they did their terrible things to me in hopes if I could show them I was sorry for whatever it was that I did wrong then they would be appeased and not harm me anymore.

Unfortunately, it never helped.

Hugs ((((TN))))

(((Marsh)))

I agree with what others have said. There is no need to apologize and I'm so sorry that you experienced such a tragic loss. There is no time line on grief and I think some things in life are just so life altering that it isn't a matter of getting over them, but somehow learning to pick up the pieces and live through them. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

((((((((((Marsh))))))))))

I am so terribly sorry for your loss, Marsh. I have two girls myself, and it is my worst nightmare that something would happen to them. It is shocking to me that anyone would ever say to a parent to "get over" the loss of a child. Ever. I can't imagine ever "getting over it", and I'm so sorry for the pain and rage that must be evoked every time someone thoughtlessly says such a thing to you.

I very much agree with what everyone said, especially this idea that AG expressed:

quote:

There are some things that are simply life-changing; once you pass that moment, there is no going back, life will never be the same. So it's not about getting over it; it's about learning to go on and live your life despite the pain and loss.

Thanks AG...that was an awesome way to put it. And thank you, Marsh, for allowing us to get to know you a bit better. I look forward to getting to know you.

Gentle hug,
SG