I think so, but in my case, I usually go completely preverbal, helpless, and it takes a lot to get me big enough to start talking again. When T moved away from me, I went pretty teenager on him (I'm done, I don't care, F--- off), but I also couldn't communicate that it didn't feel like me. I pretty frequently feel like I'm in the 5-10 age when I'm with him, wanting things I can't have, like hugs, pats, playing catch, etc. However, I usually have my caretaker wrangling those parts into obedience, so that they don't surface enough to actually demand any of those things. Then, usually the pain from those parts wanting to ask for those needs to be met and my caretaker part of me not allowing those needs to GO anywhere (i.e. toward T) which she thinks is "for the kids' own good," overloads me and I completely blank out for at least a couple minutes. I don't know if this type of stuff is what you're talking about.

Thanks Yakusoku
It gives me something to work on I guess, I was about 14 during session which is when it all started, I could feel myself there in the past, I was 14. You've givem me something to think about with the blanking out bit, as I was wondering about that when it goes down. Thanks for taking time out to answer, it means a lot to hear some feedback, thoughts experiences from those further along in therapy journeys

Hi DebbieN...

My experience is that I have different self-states that at times make themselves known in session. I have, like Yaku, protector me who is pretty much in charge and takes over when things feel out of control. Then there is little me (inner child) that is the one who holds much of the pain and trauma. She is the one I have problems dealing with and I think my oldT had issues dealing with her as well. She is VERY emotional, scared, and has no self-esteem. She withdraws and hides a lot. She will come out if she feels safe but that is rare. When she does come out the voice is very young. My current T is very attuned to her and knows immediately when she is speaking for me. Then there is normal me who perhaps is a bit of both of those self states and is sometimes appropriately emotional and other times very left brained and intellectual and grown up.

This does not mean I (or you) are DID where we have distinct alters. I do dissociate at times in session when I get scared or it starts to feel dangerous in some way and sort of blank out or hear buzzing in my ears and feel detached from the situation. I am more aware of it these days and I do try to control it by staying grounded with my T's help. But dissociation occurs on a continuum. There are different degress of it.

You may want to discuss these topics with your T. Since you are fairly new in therapy you probably haven't had time to talk about it or have even experienced it before now. It is fairly common in those with trauma histories.

Hope this helps a bit. Nice to meet you.

TN

Theraputic regression is necessary for healing.

Hi Debbie,

I'm also new here and actually wrote a post about dissociation a couple of days ago also! So I can really relate to your post. I think True North put it very well. I feel exactly the same as she does, I have different parts, and
states but also don't have DID. I notice really small subtle things when I regress like instead of answering my therapist with words, I tend to shrug my shoulders like a five year old would. My body language becomes very childlike and even though I'm aware of it, I can't seem to control it. It's very strange.

I do dissociate a lot in therapy, as soon as we even try to touch on anything from my past, it just happens automatically. But I've only been with my therapist for about eight months so we are still getting to know one another.

I think as True North said, discussing it with your therapist is the only way. I feel like I spend half of my session naming things in the room, naming sounds etc to really bring me back and keep me present. Maybe you could try that? Or bring something with you that will remind you where you are, the year it is, what age you are etc? Just so you know you are not 14 and you are now safe. Having a plan in place with how your therapist can help you when this happens may also help? So as soon as she recognises you are fading, she could bring you back with whatever means you have discussed previously.

I know how it feels to be dreading a session, but just remind yourself that it's all part of the journey, your therapist will be used to this and will be able to help you through it.

Best of luck with your next session.