Well, Helle, I think it's good at least he said that...now you know he is ready and willing to talk about it when you are, at least. Glad he said "we" that makes a bit easier, maybe? (That he's human) I really really hope you can repair whatever happened. And I think it is so sweet that he offered to do for free, he must really care about you, but it would make me nervous too. That is a tough one!

BB

Thanks BB,

He also wants to explore the attachment- connection thing, between us. This REALLY makes me nervous. He says it goes both ways, but to be perfectly honest, I don't see how it can. (I think to a degree it must go both ways in order to care about his clients) If it is more than I can take, I am running for the hills, but he is too good, and too professional for it to be anything more than that.I know how I feel about him, and I am pretty sure he knows, but I'm unclear as to why I feel this way. He must be talking strickly about the spiritual connection- our mutual passion for God and things of God. I have to wait 2 wks to find out.

We talked about anger, but we didn't talk about why he got angry at me, yet. He did admit that- that is what happened, and that he has been working on anger issues himself. He always lets me lead the therapy, and this is another gorilla in the room that I avoided.

At one point, he admitted, something like- It's amazing how we are avoiding the real work. I ignored that comment because at first I didn't get it, but after thinking about it, and now I know he is right. My next session should be interesting.

Kashley, I did not mean to ignore your post. I did not see it at first.
thank you so much for your sincere concern. I am doing much better after seeing him, but concerned about what the next session will bring, as I have a few decisions to make, and lots to think about.

Sorry to be so off topic- as I just looked at what the topic was

Please don't worry about being off topic, Helle. As far as I care, it's the people that matter, not the topics.

quote:

Originally posted by kashley:
Please don't worry about being off topic, Helle. As far as I care, it's the people that matter, not the topics.

I second that, one of the wonderful things about this forum is that it's unmoderated---we all have enough emotional stuff going on that the last thing any of us needs is someone scolding us for going off topic. I hope things work out in a way that's comfortable for you, helle.

Wow, thanks to all of you for the overwhelming support.

The free therapy was offered as a short term thing, but IDK I'd feel weird about it. I would feel that I am taking advantage of his good nature. Would any of you do it?
He said he is not in it for the money, and he makes a very nice living, so it is not a big deal to him, but my gut says no.
Monte- what are you hinting at?
And yea- the unspoken stuff is hard to deal with. I think we are ready to talk next time, as he is taking ownership and has acknowledged that we are both avoiding something.
Dragonfly- my insurance is not the problem. they will still cover 70% but my guy is expensive- even the 30% can add up when hubby is unemployed and soon I will be too. Teachers are 3 season workers, and we don't get paid in the summer. I would miss T too much if I only saw him once a month, and would he even know me any more? does once a month therapy accomplish anything?
Another choice is deferred payments, so that is probably what I will do.
What would all of you do?

And another question- Has any of your Ts brought up wanting to explore the attachment -connection thing? I thought this was a known, but unspoken part of therapy. At one time I wouldn't have minded this topic, but now i am rather embarrassed by it.

And thanks Kashley and WhatsLeftofHim for being lenient with the topic.

Hi Helle,

I recently starting reading Irvin Yalom's book "Love's Executioner." I don't know if you've heard of it or read it, but I find it so fascinating. Anyway, there's one part of it that reminded me of you and struggling about going to therapy for free. Since it is written from a therapist's perspective, it might give you a little more insight and help you make a decision. It's too much for me to post, but if you can, you should try and read it. If you get the book, it's the chapter titled "The Wrong One Died."

Hi All,

I didn't add to this thread yet, but I did see my T in the car park just before my session. So now I know what his car looks like and when I drive I always spot cars looking like his. I dreamt about his car twice. And yes, seeing my T in the car park freaked my out a tiny bit too. I couldn't believe I'm seeing him.

((Helle))
It would be good if you could keep seeing him, especially that he offered to defer the payment. I suppose it would take time to repair the relationship and it's really bad that the money problem is happening in such a difficult time in your relationship with him.
I think he wants you to keep coming and working through the disconnect. It would not be good for you to end or break in a moment like this. Take your time and don't be too hard on your T-relationship.
I know that money issue would be difficult for me too. Yes, I would feel I am taking advantage, I would feel I should not be seeing me T for free (he would not quit seeing me if there was a money issue), I would feel I owe him sth and that would make me feel really insecure and vulnerable, but... perhaps there is also a way to talk and deal with that. It is also something important.

Kashley,
I read Yalom's "Love`s Executioner" and I love the guy. He is amazing. I love his stories and I love how he writes about therapy. Even more, my T read him too which is great. He seems to be employing some or quite a lot of Yalom's approach in therapy. I liked everything that I read in his books about therapy, so knowing that my T follows him, makes me feel even better about my T.

Hey Amazon,

I also love the way he writes about therapy. I haven't finished the book yet, but I keep finding myself so surprised at how blatantly honest he is. I think it's awesome, and I think every therapist should read his stuff! That's really neat that your T does, and I can definitely see how it would make you feel better about him.

Kashley, Amazon. Dragonfly BB and Monte-
thanks for your amazing responses. I started a new thread and commented back to you guys.

I saw my T sitting in his car eating a sandwich the day before my last session.
I went into quick check to get a c of c, and his car was right by the door. No avoiding him, I would not have anyway. this was not a big deal. I just stopped to say hello for a moment, then left.

Kashley- that book is going on my summer reading list.

Resurrecting this thread if no one minds...

I ran into my ex-P a few days ago. I went to the grocery store late at night (late for me) in my "yoga clothes" (which is pretty much the same as pajamas - but I figured I wouldn't see anyone I knew there, since only college students go to the store at night ).

I was standing in line holding a six pack of beer and a tub of ice cream when he walked past. In my "yoga clothes". All that is missing from this picture are fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe. I half expected a "are you sure you don't want to go back on meds?" call the next day.

Hey, sometimes I just want to eat ice cream and drink a beer! Stop judging me!

quote:

Originally posted by echo:
Resurrecting this thread if no one minds...

I ran into my ex-P a few days ago. I went to the grocery store late at night (late for me) in my "yoga clothes" (which is pretty much the same as pajamas - but I figured I wouldn't see anyone I knew there, since only college students go to the store at night ).

I was standing in line holding a six pack of beer and a tub of ice cream when he walked past. In my "yoga clothes". All that is missing from this picture are fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe. He gave me (my purchases, actually) a sideways furrowed-brow look and hurried past. I half expected a "are you sure you don't want to go back on meds?" call the next day.

Hey, sometimes I just want to eat ice cream and drink a beer! Stop judging me!

Well, at least you didn't have rollers in your hair. I'm sorry, I know this has been painful for you. It's just the mental image you just painted is quite funny.

quote:

Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:

Well, at least you didn't have rollers in your hair. I'm sorry, I know this has been painful for you. It's just the mental image you just painted is quite funny.

Oh, don't worry. It was funny to me, too. Not painful at all. I'm actually still laughing about it.

quote:

Hey, sometimes I just want to eat ice cream and drink a beer! Stop judging me!

Lol you’re too funny, Echo!


I saw my T for the first time outside of therapy this past Tuesday- but I don’t know if it counts because it was literally right outside the door by the elevators. I was teary eyed and trying not to cry at the end of the session so I went straight to the bathroom and stood in there for a few minutes trying to calm down. I walked over to the elevators and when I turned the corner I saw him standing there. He was the last person I wanted to see. (we had a tiny argument at the end and I stormed out) I was still teary eyed and I just kept walking past him and stood over by another elevator (there are 10 elevators). When the elevator that he was waiting for opened he said “You’re welcome to take this one” and I said “No thank you”. I stood there for a few minutes so I wouldn’t run into him leaving the building.

What’s confusing is that I don’t know where he was going. I think I’m his first session of the day at 10 so why would he be leaving after that? He doesn’t have another office and it looked like he was leaving for the day. He had his coat on and his messenger bag. Did he only come in to see me?

My T and I go to the same YMCA, and I sometimes see him -bathing suit and all, heading into the pool. I usually swim before he gets there (6:20- 7AM) so usually I'm in the sauna when he arrives, but sometimes I see him and we say hello. Not so weird now, because this started last year.
Once we were both in the pool doing laps at the same time(a few lanes apart) and he left before me. I finished my swim and headed to the sauna as usual. I walked in, and there he was right in front of me sitting in the sauna. He announced, "Hey are you following me?" to which I responded-" of course". We chatted for a few minutes. Somehow he made it not so akward.

quote:

Originally posted by Mayo:
My T and I go to the same YMCA, and I sometimes see him -bathing suit and all, heading into the pool. I usually swim before he gets there (6:20- 7AM) so usually I'm in the sauna when he arrives, but sometimes I see him and we say hello. Not so weird now, because this started last year.
Once we were both in the pool doing laps at the same time(a few lanes apart) and he left before me. I finished my swim and headed to the sauna as usual. I walked in, and there he was right in front of me sitting in the sauna. He announced, "Hey are you following me?" to which I responded-" of course". We chatted for a few minutes. Somehow he made it not so akward.

Wow. I cannot imagine. I don't even like my husband to look at me in a bathing suit.

quote:

Originally posted by Maclove:

What’s confusing is that I don’t know where he was going. I think I’m his first session of the day at 10 so why would he be leaving after that? He doesn’t have another office and it looked like he was leaving for the day. He had his coat on and his messenger bag. Did he only come in to see me?

Well at first I was going to say maybe he goes to a different floor to use the bathroom, so he won't run into his clients in the restroom. But if he was carrying his stuff then never mind.

Could be anything - dentist appointment? His shrink? Kid sick at school?

quote:

Originally posted by Mayo:
My T and I go to the same YMCA, and I sometimes see him -bathing suit and all, heading into the pool. I usually swim before he gets there (6:20- 7AM) so usually I'm in the sauna when he arrives, but sometimes I see him and we say hello. Not so weird now, because this started last year.
Once we were both in the pool doing laps at the same time(a few lanes apart) and he left before me. I finished my swim and headed to the sauna as usual. I walked in, and there he was right in front of me sitting in the sauna. He announced, "Hey are you following me?" to which I responded-" of course". We chatted for a few minutes. Somehow he made it not so akward.

I love it! I would be mortified to see my T in my swimsuit and she's a woman. If I had a male T and saw him in my suit I think I'd die.

quote:

Could be anything - dentist appointment? His shrink? Kid sick at school?

I know, that’s what’s so frustrating! So many options my mind is going crazy. I also came up with this crazy scenario that he is actually ending his practice and getting rid of clients slowly so he's gotten rid of all his Tuesday clients except me and I'm next. If I ask him why he was leaving he will smile and then shake his head like he ALWAYS does when I ask him something personal.

I asked my T once - what would happen if we ran into each other somewhere - the movies, a restaurant, wherever......he said he hoped we would greet each other like friends. Really? No way. I would freak, especially if he was with his substantially younger wife , as I would assume that she would assume I was a client, not that there's any shame it in - ha, except it pays for her BMW and pampered life style . I have pegged her for snotty. Yes, I know his car; I know what his wife and kids look like. Yeah, I know too much - which is a good and bad thing. He is a discloser; I don't want him to stop, and yet........

I would spaz (thanks for the word) totally.

I asked this current C what would happen if we bumped into each other as she lives in our nearest town and we do tend to go there to have coffee and browse the bookshop etc.
She said " How would you LIKE me to handle it?" and I said, "If I have not seen you, veer away so that I don't know you are there - if it is too late we can say hello and then MOVE ON!"
but actually I realise I have thought about this before and I would quite like to introduce my kids to her, as I am very proud of them and I would like to be cool enough to just say: "this is my daughter, this is my son" and to them "this is the counsellor I have been seeing."
She has met my husband so he knows her already.
|I once walked into a C I was seeing 20 years ago and I was out shopping and it so threw me I had to go home to recover.
Obviously this is a very sensitive topic.
I currently feel I would NOT like to EVER bump into my C once I finishe working with her which could be Dec.
Urgh

.....yes. I just run into my T 30 minuts ago! I hate it. Totally weird. And i have no idea how it could be possible- we had just finished the session, and i was heading towards school. And 300 meters from his office (which i had just left) i see him walking towards me!? how did he manage to get there? i have no idea. ugh..hate it. just a simply "hi" and both uf us hasting further in our direction.. its simply disturbing and unnatural to met outside the safe office context.


But i think i win the prize for most akward "run into therapist"-experiences.. My T happens to know my parents a bit, and was once invited home for dinner (along with his wife). I was SO FREAKED OUT about it i didt know where to go, what to think and how to act, or not act. (my T is an old-school psychotherapist and i am not even supposed to "know" him, he never share personal info about himself, so this was SO f** up!) I ended being totally numb and apatic about it, then later so angry and obsessed about it. In the following session after, i attacked him with questions like, "HOW DO YOU DARE TO ENTER MY PARENTS HOUSE- MY HOME!? WHICH CHAIR DID YOU SAT IN? wHICH ROOMS DID YOU ENTER? WHICH PICURE OF ME DID YOU NOTICE? ("did you see my cat?")lol. poor T tried to remember every detail of whatever i required answered..

Oh my goodness Frog!! Did he know that they were your parents? I'm guessing he did, but just curious. That would feel very weird indeed.

oh yes he knew, scaredtoriskmyself!

its so akward indeeed. When i startet in therapy at first, i knew that my T knew my parents, as they are kind of collegas, but i had NO IDEA that they would ever hang out... I was so shocked about it. Totally confused me.
Oh, what made it even more wierd; At this dinner gathering, they planned a trip together. And THEY WENT TO RUSSIA TOGETHER(!) for a psyhotherpy-confereance gathering...ugh. So for two weeks i had to deal with my T`s vacation and the thought of him being with my parents far away, instead of with me... hated it. I WAS SO JELAOUS OF MY PARENTS! lol.

The following session after, i was so confused over what to say, that i just sat on the floor in protest, the whole session!

Echo- yeah, thats a good point, but i know for sure that i am also thankful that they know each other a bit, i think it helps me trust mt T more. At least it did help alot to know in the beginning. Now it doesnt really matter anymore. And i feel totally free to speak out about my parents with him and so on.

lol- cross posting with ya!

quote:

OMG Frog, are your parents both shrinks?? I think there must be a special support group out there for Children of Shrinks. [/QUOTE]

my mother is a shrink and my father a priest-shrink type (dont know the exact term in english) so they do have some common gatherings and share interest in things..

lol- yes i think this forum work as my "support group"

quote:

OK, now I have to admit that it was a little painful still. I left out the last part of the story. I went out to my car and saw his car was parked right across from mine in the next row. I was hurrying to leave, but wasn't fast enough, as they were exiting the store right behind me. When I sat in my car and looked up, he was coming out of the store and looked at me and then stopped, and stopped his daughter. He was waiting for me to leave before he walked to his car. Eeker Did he think I was going to follow him? Was he afraid of me getting a close look at his daughter (to late thanks to facebook)? Does he think I'm a deranged stalker?? Confused (Oh God, maybe I am? I mean, I looked them up on facebook!)

At the time I told myself that he was just being nice and giving me space so I wouldn't have some kind of panic attack in my car when he walked by. I tried to paint a rosy picture for myself, but to be honest, it did hurt a little that he was obviously avoiding me like I'm a dangerous person.

(((echo)))

I'm sorry, that would have been painful. I'm sure he probably was just trying to give you space, but I would have taken that to heart as well. It would make me feel like my T didn't trust me and that would hurt.

I have two therapists (sort of) and see one more than the other outside of the office. They both live only a town over from the town I live/they work in - so we go to the same shops, etc. I go into their towns (two different towns) often because they have nice restaurants, shops, etc. I always keep my eyes open though because I don't necessarily want to run into them.

My job is working with the community and I have seen both of them there. T1 and I are very comfortable meeting up there. We say hello and ask about how the other is doing. If I see her from a distance, she will smile big and wink. I've only seen T2 once at work - shortly after she returned from a 2 year leave. I just about bumped into her and I was so shocked she was there (she hadn't told me she was coming back) that I couldn't say much! We did however chat for a bit, gave each other a big hug and went about our way.

I personally like to see them outside of the office - I like seeing that they're human! However, depending on my mood - I may run in the other direction!

quote:

Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:
(((echo)))

I'm sorry, that would have been painful. I'm sure he probably was just trying to give you space, but I would have taken that to heart as well. It would make me feel like my T didn't trust me and that would hurt.

OK I'm over it. I decided I don't care what he thinks (as if I could even know that), because he's a big dork, too. We're all dorks. (And I just found out he collects action figures. Major dork cred.) I feel much better.

Wow, that was easy.

quote:

(And I just found out he collects action figures. Major dork cred.)

Haha! This is funny! What kind of action figures?

BB

quote:

If I had a male T and saw him in my suit I think I'd die.

Originally by STRM
him in my suit
Hey do you think it would fit him? (Baaahhhh Haaaahhhhh!)

quote:

Originally posted by Mayo:

quote:

If I had a male T and saw him in my suit I think I'd die.

Originally by STRM
him in my suit
Hey do you think it would fit him? (Baaahhhh Haaaahhhhh!)

OMG, I am cracking up here! I can see how that doesn't quite read right when typed in that order.

quote:

Originally posted by echo:

quote:

Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:
(((echo)))

I'm sorry, that would have been painful. I'm sure he probably was just trying to give you space, but I would have taken that to heart as well. It would make me feel like my T didn't trust me and that would hurt.

OK I'm over it. I decided I don't care what he thinks (as if I could even know that), because he's a big dork, too. We're all dorks. (And I just found out he collects action figures. Major dork cred.) I feel much better.

Wow, that was easy.

Yeah, which ones? I wanna know. Is it all action figures or just certain types.

quote:

OK I'm over it. I decided I don't care what he thinks (as if I could even know that), because he's a big dork, too. We're all dorks. (And I just found out he collects action figures. Major dork cred.) I feel much better.

Wait- wait wait- Echo, are you saying your shrink collects action figures? !!!!
I am laughing so hard

...and Frog- you win! T over for dinner? and Parents going on vacations with your T? Nope- can not imagine that one. That would kill me. All sworn to secrecy with oaths, sipping Russian Vodka on the veranda... nope can't imagine.

Last summer (09) I worked as a waitress at a restaurant a few miles from my T's house, and he mentioned that he had been to that restaurant on occasion. July 4, 2009 guess who came to dinner? and guess who his waitress was? (I posted this earlier- I think on this thread) Really uncomfortable- but he was gracious.

quote:

Originally posted by Mayo:

quote:

If I had a male T and saw him in my suit I think I'd die.

Originally by STRM
him in my suit
Hey do you think it would fit him? (Baaahhhh Haaaahhhhh!)

That IS pretty hilarious.

quote:

(And this is why you should not look up your T's wish list on Amazon. )

He has an amazon wish list with action figures... OH MY GODNESS!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAH.


Ummmm, I just got a mental image of my therapist wearing my bikini......

Do you remember the superheroes undies for boys?

I wonder- is there a connection?

Baaaahhhhhhh, Haaaa, Haaaaaa

Superheroes on the amazon wish list? I'm roaring

Well, at least he doesn't collect Barbie dolls.

This , is all TOO funny! lol, the swim- suit image is gonna stick in my head for some time as well...

wtf action figures?

mayo- i do remember reading that thread! How did you manage to act prof?? were there any personal tone or chit chat between you? -or just straight to the meny? oH..it sounds SO akward..

one time my T came to the resturant were my parents had this book-gathering thing, and as i saw him sat eating his food and drinking wine with his wife, i swear i almost fainted!! "i am NOT SUPPOSE TO SEE THIS!" went through my head, because it was SO desturbing seeing my T eat! Adn just be there, among so meny of my people. Totally freaked me out. (btw this was before the russian-trip!) Uhg..just wrong, wrong, wrong. Akward happening. i was totally spioning and followed him with my eyes the whole evening. My friends who was also there, had no idea of course whom he was.. nor the rest of my family whom filled up the resturant/book house. only a look and a simple "hello" from him and a nervous, freaked "hello" back from me.

lol, the session the day after i just looked at him and said "what was that "hello" of yours yesterday??" and kept on bothering him about "who were you yesterday? you HAD to know i was going to be there, why did you go there??" blabla..

quote:

mayo- i do remember reading that thread! How did you manage to act prof??

I didn't act professionally at all, I freaked- in front of his wife and son. But still managed to do my job. He felt my struggle, my pain and after he walked out with his family, came back and gave me a consoling hug, and told me that I was very brave- or something equally as soothing.
This was the first time seeing him in public. After this, it was never that hard- even in a swim suit.

Somewhere I told this horror story, not sure where.

I have the image in my head of a T playing with superhero action figures between sessions. I am wondering what the game is. Perhaps it is just for the monetary value.

I can't imagine my family being friends with my T. You must sincerely trust him. Since trust is a huge issue for me- nope couldn't do it, no way no how. You are a brave one, Frog.