Thanks outsider. I feel like an outsider today. I feel like that most days. I thought I was a fun interesting engaging person. I am learning otherwise I guess. Kind of a slap in the face. (and it's not you guys that I am learning it from. It's my family and the other people I am around)

Thank you Irish for your response. I hope you're right. Well I know at an intellectual level that you're right but emotionally it's a challenging concept. I guess that's depression for ya.

Well thanks. Now they're just getting worse. I opened up to my family and it was a big mistake. I could not feel worse than I do right now.

Hi turtle, I'm sorry that opening up to your family did not go well and you feel worse. You should be proud of yourself for trying and please try not to blame yourself for their failings.

I know how that weight of depression drags you down and makes it all seem hopeless but there truly is hope. Keep working at things and keep posting here for support.

Just wanted you to know that someone else is thinking of you.

TN

Turtle, I could have written your post, each day I just make it through and I wonder why I bother, would anyone actually notice if I wasn’t around as I am such a small part of everybodys life and they are all so busy. I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer in advice, just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling and that I'm thinking about you.

Awe (((Daisy))) yes unfortunately I do know how you feel. What's even worse is today I was telling my T how I feel and she got all defensive and kept saying "*I* can't give you the support you need. *I* am too busy to be the one who supports you. *I* don't have time to read your emails." At first I felt really angry at her for HOW she was saying this to me but now I feel sad and upset. I mean she knows how lonely I am and how upset I am about it. I wish she were nicer about how she approaches that.

quote:

she got all defensive and kept saying "*I* can't give you the support you need. *I* am too busy to be the one who supports you. *I* don't have time to read your emails."

Turtle... did your T actually say those words to you?

If so, I would seriously look into another T because if you have an attachment injury those are exactly the things you need in order to heal. You need someone to read AND respond to your emails, you need someone to support you and be there for you. Can I ask how long you are seeing her and if she has experience in working with trauma and attachment issues?

Turtle you are doing nothing wrong by needing her support.

Thinking of you
TN

Turtle...I am sorry for where emphasis was placed by the therapist...that is no good. Sometimes we wish they could be everything, but they can only be what they are. An hour, or two a week, that's it.

I am guessing here...but she could have been placing that emphasis on "I" because she was wanting you to see that she couldn't do that...but maybe there was someone else who could.

I have come to the point where I have realized it is not a healthy expectation to expect my therapist to be everything...all my support, the thing that will quench me from feeling alone. The one that will cause all of my abandonment to go away. He can't. Even as I write this, I hate it. I hate that it is this way, but it is.

All of these things are so difficult. I am sorry you are going through what you are going through.

To Better Days,
T.

Tas I understand she can't be everything. I certainly am not asking her to be. However I have seen a few therapists now and she is absolutely the least giving of her time and is very terse in any situation other than the session. Thanks for your comment though. I asked her today for a list of other therapists I can see. She is in the middle of some family crisis and I have grown tired of hearing about it so much during our sessions.
Plus she encourages me to record the sessions. I listened to one session and she reiterated those sentences to me 7 times in a fifty minute session.

Hi TN,

Yes those are the exact words she has said to me repeatedly. One time she said them 7 times in a fifty minute session. I counted because I record the session. I have seen her since the beginning of the year and I did just ask her for referals. She does in fact work the trauma which is partly why I was surprised at how she has treated me so far. I am seriously getting burned out on therapy and therapists. I am thinking of turning to Buddhism and seeing if that can't help me heal.

Turtle, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, everything always seems worse when you feel lonely and your T should be providing support. Even if her boundaries means she limits between session contact she should at least explain it in a more caring way.

Hearing about her family crisis during your therapy session is just wrong afterall it is your therapy not hers and she should only self disclose when it is relavent to your therapy.

(((turtle))) (((daisy))) i'm so sorry you're both carrying the weight of the world around. it is no fun. it does get better, though. stay here and keep posting if it helps. people do care about each other here.

turtle, perhaps your T is going through some stuff now, but that does not excuse what she says and how she says it, and it certainly does not excuse her disclosures. she is making your therapy about her. it's your hour, not hers!!! please seriously consider leaving her, she's not doing you any good!

i hope things start looking up for you.

Oops I didn't get back to this thread. I am sorry about that. Thanks Daisy and CD for responding as well. Yeah my T and I are working it out. A bit like trying to tame a wild beast but it's happening. She's being nicer on phone calls now. I think she understands that it is not my intention to bug her and the second she says she has to go I am more than willing to oblige etc.

Hey Turtle.. it really is heart warming to see that a T and a patient can come together and work out a situation through open and honest discussion to solve it to the satisfaction to both of them. I would say you have done really good work here and you should be proud of yourself.

Hugs
TN

Thank you True North. That means a lot to me to have you see that and comment on it. I feel so much less alone now. I am so glad to see you post again. You've been missing girl!

Happy to be here for you Turtle and I'm very glad you feel less alone.


TN

(((TN)))