The problem with transference and reenactment is that our perception of reality FEELS completely real, and we can't distinguish the perception from the reality. Maybe you could make a list of actual evidence for and against him being a jerk, and get an impartial opinion from the people here?

Therapy can always fail. That is just a fact. I think by saying that he is being realistic.

Another clue is that if this feels *exactly* the same to you as other things that have happened in the past repeatedly, it's probably transference. In real life, things never happen exactly the same way twice.

Hope you manage to get it worked out for yourself!

DaRock

I have a question for you that's probably going to piss you off, but I'm going to ask anyway. Are you angry because your T is saying that stuff? Or are you angry because you fear he's right?

My T has this way of not engaging in the transference with me while being more than willling to hear and understand all of my feelings. But by not making it about him, he would leave me alone with my feelings. The feelings I had been avoiding for years. I kept trying to get him to react somehow, get angry and fight with me, push through the boundaries, you name it. It was not a fun process and there were times I hated him for it. I was also very grateful to him when I was able to eventually face and work through my feelings.

It sounds like your T is committed to your healing, open to hearing all of your feelings, is not taking them personally, is not getting defensive and is not taking responsibility for your feelings (which is good, because he can't). Aside from the fact that you don't like what he's saying to you, is there another problem with him? Would it be worth taking what he says at face value and looking to see where these feelings are really coming from and what they're about if they're NOT about here and now? You can always quit later if you decide he's really a jerk.

But I think your T is making an important point, no matter where we go, we always take ourselves with us, so at some point, you have to face yourself or spend the rest of your life running.

quote:

i told him part of why i left the old therapy is because i didnt want the old T to succeed in treating me

This quote really stood out for me, and the cliche "cutting off your nose to spite your face" sprang to mind. Is there anyone in your past that you were angry enough with that you'd rather fail then see them succeed? I mean, most people would want their T to succeed in treating them, as it's a win-win. Your T succeeds and you get better. But you would rather leave and derail your own treatment then see your T do well? It seems like something that would bear closer examination.

And I think your T is being very encouraging and truthful when he says he believes you can heal. Therapy on this level is seriously difficult, painful work. Finding a therapist who is willing to stick through that is a very valuable thing.

AG

AG-
thanks for your response. what im trying to say is that i know he is right. and i know this is nothing having to do with him. and maybe i wasnt clear but what im scared of, in this whole thing...is what if i cant get out of my own way AGAIN. what if i am really crazy enough to cause this therapy to fail because im angry at my parents that i take it out on the therapist? thats what cutting off my nose to spite my face was when i quit the last therapy.
i actually feel so hopeful right now, that im writing all of this, and thinking about it, and staying aware of it.i think its all promising.
So, AG...you're absolutely right. perhaps my original post, i was actually caught in the transference...and now i see it for what it is. and thats precisely my fear....that im afraid ill let the transference take hold of me....but in the last therapy, i wasnt thinking this way. i was like fuck this T im'a get even wit dis bitch.
so there is progress...and progress can lead to success.
AG- thank you for your input. you were right on.

quote:

i actually feel so hopeful right now, that im writing all of this, and thinking about it, and staying aware of it.i think its all promising.

Yes, progress IS possible! YAY!!!