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3 replies

fantasies - how normal am I?

B born2writeMember
****Trigger warning - Sexual discussion

just trying to figure out how normal I am...

I hope this doesn't belong in intimate discussions. I am not giving or asking for details as such. I have tried to make my questions straightforward with black and white answers. I have never been into intimate discussions, so I am not sure if this type of question belongs there, and I hope these aren't triggers of any sort either. They don't trigger me, but I don't know about the next person.

Question 1
In terms of peoples sexual fantasies, I know we all have them, and I know they are not always things we would act on, but having said that, I was wondering do your fantisies include your partner some of the time, most of the time, all of the time, or never? For me it is never. I would not act on them, and it is never, but sometimes I wonder why it is never, because I do love my husband, and then I have guilt to deal with.

Question 2
The other thing I was wondering about is do you look in your partners eyes during sex? I don't and I can't bring myself to do it either, and if I know he is looking at me I close my eyes.

I'm wondering if it is because of the things that have happened to me, and will it ever change if that is the case. It is stuff I have always wondered about, but never been comfortable enough to ask anyone. It is not like my therapist would have ever told me.

Well I would appreciate your feedback.

Edited by AG to add trigger warning.
Last edited {1}
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Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
born2write,
I could answer both questions the same way. I know that my husband and I went through marital counseling and one of the things we realized is that although we have always had a warm and close relationship, we both have difficult being truly intimate so although we have experienced different levels of a sexual relationship for a long time it wasn't very emotionally intimate, so prolonged eye contact during sex was something we both kind of instinctually avoided.

So short answer, you sound normal to me. But then again I also feel like being sexually abused by my dad has had deep repercussions in this area.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail on OF, but the nature of my sexual fantasies definitely experienced a huge shift in content and tone as I healed.

AG
B bltMember
I would say both that your experience is not too unusual, but also that it can change. To me, not being able to have eye contact during sex, and fantasizing about other people or scenarios, especially during sex are both ways of avoiding deeper intimacy. But you can also heal and learn ways past those thing.

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