R2G,
More than likely because those nuggets help you to be reassured about who your T is and that you can trust your safety with her. A really good thing and something important and good to know. While your own stuff is painful and feels dangerous, or you wouldn't have been holding it down for years. Our mind is constructed such that we always move towards safety and away from danger.

If its not too scary, tell your T about this. It may be that she could help you to ground and be more present, and/or record your sessions so you could listen to them later in a less activated state. Trauma is tricky, and Briere, among others, speaks of the therapeutic window" that the client needs to be kept in. Remembering enough that they can process what happened and become desensitized so that the memories lose their immediacy and don't derail you any longer BUT not so much that it leads to just dissociating again, which actually can reinforce the pattern. It's a fine line, and no matter how experienced a T and hardworking a client, you sometimes "slip" out of the window, but often just having both you and your T becoming conscious of when it happens can help. For me, if I start feeling this way, I will tell my T, I"m having a hard time staying in the room" so that he slows things down and helps me ground before continuing. And never underestimate the physiological effect of fear on our cognitive faculties, which interfere with our ability to form memories. A high level of fear can trigger the release of hormones which effectively take your cortex offline, so that if your limbic system decides you need to flee, you won't argue.

So in a sense, I think this is positive (although not much fun to experience I'm sure) in that it's probably a clear indication that you are trusting your T and that she is helping regulate you.

AG

quote:

Lately I've been having trouble holding on to what we talked about, but I never have trouble remembering those nuggets T shares.

Me, too. For over a year now. He would cringe, I'm sure, to know how quickly I recall any little piece of information he's EVER said about himself, and how I struggle to remember the things he's said about me and my areas of concern. Lately he's been a bit more open, and having kidney stone trouble, and I think far more about that than what my homework was! (is! )

You're not alone!!

Starry

Thanks ((((AG)))) and ((((Starry))))

We have been hitting on some (intentionally) unexplored issues that I've avoided for the past 20+ years, and I have been in and out of it during my appointments lately. I DO trust and love (yes, love) my T very much and those bits that she shares are like treasures and I prefer holding on to treasures rather than the scum buried deep in the depths that has been dredged up lately.

This therapy stuff has NEVER been this hard before, ever. Which, as much as it sucks, I guess it's a really good thing?

xoxo

Just chiming in with "that's, me!". I remember everything my attachment figure person says to me, down to word for word. I think it's a part of my hyper-vigilance. I'm trained to pay really careful attention to everything she says, even the tone of the words, the spaces around them, where she is looking when she says things. But I don't remember as much what I say. I'm glad you have the nuggets and that the feel good! (that sounded weird!)

Ditto for me. I know a lot about my T - but I do remember most of what she tells me that is not therapy related

The remaining 85 minutes of my session - barely can remember more than minutes of it. I have wondered whether I ask T if I should record it or not? T - when she remembers tries to email me the main points to remind me. Sometimes I have had no recollection at all!

I am also really bad at holding her in my mind - i can forget her minutes after seeing her and I get very disorganised very quickly. So i think my poor memory of session is related to that as well.

SD

as said by MMM:

quote:

I'm glad you have the nuggets and that the feel good! (that sounded weird!)

bwahahahahaha!!! oh, the hilarity!

hey, SD. i have 19 sessions that i recorded. i can listen to 'em any time i want. need a T fix? plug 'er in! i highly recommend it. it's amazing the things you miss. one time at the beginning of our session T wanted to schedule for our next session. i told him that i had to hold off because of insurance reasons. at the end of the session on my way out the door i said "so i'll see you in 2 weeks"! i totally missed it at the time!

((((R2G))))

They do say that we remember things that are emotionally charged. It makes sense that you would remember the things she tells you about her because it's highly valued information and means a lot to you. (And would mean a lot to me too.) On the other hand, you might not be ready to integrate the other stuff which means you could be keeping those emotions at arms length. The lack of emotion = the lack of memory. Who wants to remember that stuff? Ugggghhhhh. I don't. It's tough stuff.

xxxx

Hang onto those nuggets. They ARE precious.

Thanks all!

(((MMM))) When you put it that way, it does sound funny, but I know what you mean! I also pay attention to all the little nuances, my problem is I don't remember what T says, or what I say, as they pertain to me. Those nuggets somehow land differently in my brain, and I hold on to the longer? Dunno.

(((SD))) It's nice that T emails you the notes from the session, that would be pretty cool! My T doesn't do recording, but I may have to bring it up again, cause I am holding on to so little right now, it may help?

(((CD))) So envious you have so many recorded! I've gotten better at holding onto Ts voice, which is why I originally wanted to record, now it's more content instead.

(((Liese))) Thanks... it sounds totally sensible when you say it that way - highly valued information, that's for sure!

Thanks everyone for the validating support, feels a lot better holding these nuggets now!