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6 replies

Feeling abandoned.

ladygreyladygreyMember
Today I had a Skype session with my T. I was very upset at the end of it and she let it run over 10 minutes. She seemed concerned and told me several times that she was available this afternoon if I wanted/needed to text or call. She said she only had one appointment and would be available. She told me this several times.

So, I texted her later and didn't get a reply. No big deal, I figured that must have been when her appointment was. So then I texted again later and still have not heard back from her. So now its been four hours since my first text and still no response...and this is after she told me she only had one more appointment today and would be available.

I am upset about this and I guess the reason why is that because I know she isn't busy, I cannot use that to reason with myself about being disappointed that she didn't write back yet. Normally if she is slow in responding, I tell myself not to take it personally, she is probaby in appointments with clients or on the weekends, she is busy doing something fun with her family and is away from her phone. But today, because she made it clear she would be available and didn't have a lot going on, I feel totally rejected that she hasn't replied yet. I am thinking she probably got the texts right away but didn't bother to reply because it just wasn't important to her. I wasn't important to her.

I'm really wishing she hasn't told me she would be available. It would feel so much better if I could tell myself she was just busy.

I feel so unimportant and rejected. Abandoned.
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mad hattermad hatterMember
LG, I totally get why you would feel that way because I would react the same way. I don't handle the waiting thing well at all. If she told you she was available and now she's not responding, you have a right to be upset. Although... important for you to hang onto this in the mean time... *** I highly doubt it is anything personal. *** She most likely is busy or there is some other non-personal explanation. But still, she should honor her words. Grrrr! Doesn't she know what that does to you? If not, you need to hit her over the head with it. I hope you hear back soon.

Oh, and that is the advice that I would give myself but admittedly have a hard time following. ((((Hugs))))
yakusokuyakusokuMember
(((LG))) Have you heard back yet? I had this happen once. T had to cancel my phone session due to a trip to see his son, but said that he would have "plenty of time" to text with me on the drive down and that if I needed the call, we could reschedule for Friday evening or Saturday morning. Like 10 texts and full abandonment freakout by the kids later, he gets back and just says that he's still there, not abandoning me, etc. WTF, don't say you're available if you're not available. And if you say you're going to be and it changes, effing tell me! I don't help projecting that you hate me and I'm a burden. Jeez! Or, that's how I felt at the time. Gave me flashbacks to being forgotten for hours after school as a very young child.
ladygreyladygreyMember
Yaku,

I remember when your T told you that he would be available that day and wasn't. I remember how it made you feel and I can absolutely relate to wanting our Ts to just tell us that even though they said they were going to be available, something came up that changed the situation. Did your T ever explain to you what happened that day?

MH,
You are right....it IS her job to not be flakey, but I've come to accept that this is who she is and it is not going to change. I think the way she sees it is that from time to time, she is going to drop the ball and make mistakes because after all, "I'm human too", she says. And what matters is that even though she isn't always going to be there for me at particular moments, overall, she hasn't and isn't going anywhere. I think Ts want for us to feel like they are there for us even when they aren't. Like we are supposed to internalize their love and caring and not let one situation change that. But the problem is that there are a lot of situations with her where I feel let down. But maybe my expecatations are too high.
mad hattermad hatterMember
I don't know, maybe you are right. I have a habit of expecting my own T to be perfect, while at the same time wanting her to overlook all my flaws. But then I think...well, I am PAYING her, so I should be able to expect more, right? And she's supposed to be the one who's all put together, not me, or else why would I be seeking her help? I have a hard time letting my T be human.

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