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Hi all

My T told me a couple of weeks ago that she is going on holiday at the end of the month. And for the first time in 3 and a half years, i freaked out. Holidays have never bothered me before, i didn't like them but i always coped. But this time it is so different, i even had to phone her the next day ( something else ive never done) She was great and phoned me back within the hour and i felt better after we talked.

So I will be seeing her Monday and then she is off for 2 weeks. What makes it worse is im starting a new job while she is away so i dont know when we will be able to sort an appointment out.

The anxiety comes and goes, (feeling this morning) I'm guessing the attachment i have been resisting for so long has started Frowner

Why does this scare me

Hev
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Hi Hev,

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your Ts absence...the whole idea of attachment is certainly a catch 22, isn't it? Frowner I remember that several months ago, I was feeling VERY anxious about my sessions with my T, but after having a serious talk with a friend of mine (that I knew I needed to have, but I was so scared to begin the conversation), my anxiety went down. I didn't realize it at the time, but some of my anxiety was from the knowledge that I needed to bring up a touchy subject with a friend and not entirely due to my T. I'm not trying to minimize your situation at all, but I wonder if some of your sudden anxiety is also from the anticipation of starting a new job, stemming more than just from not knowing how you will be able to set up future appointments.

Hang in there - it's so good that you were able to call your T and talk to her. Post here as much as you need. Smiler
Heather,
I'm seeing my T for the first time in 5 weeks today! Two weeks, 5 weeks, its always tough when they are away.
But look, you have a new job to focus on which from my experience is usually all consuming trying to learn everything and everbody. Hopefully it will take your mind off of your T absence. Certainly normal to have anxiety about a new job. Good Luck!
Heather

It's the safety net thing isn't it? You know that you will be ok and get through, believe me (a veteran of long breaks Frowner) you will, honestly, but it's the fact that the safety of contact won't be there if you did need it. I think the thinking about it is almost the worst - the anticipation the hardest - for me it was an affirmation that no matter what people said, I would be left eventually.

Once I'm into the break, it's not so bad, I tell myself that I CAN get though this and what an achievement if I CAN manage this for a while on my own. You have friends here who understand and will support you Heather...and a new job too. Hopefully that will take up some attention and time too.

starfish
Thanks everyone, the anxiety has eased off, im giving my kitchen a well deserved clean to keep me busy Big Grin

Kashley, yes i guess starting a new job is making me feel anxious although i didnt know i had the job when she told me about the holidays. I hate all the meeting new people and being the new person Razzer

Lizzygirl....5 weeks Eeker that is tough and i know i have a 6 weeks break coming up in August

Starfish, it is the safety net thing, seems more bearable if i know she is having a break but still at home...least i know she is there but going on holiday Frowner

Thank you all for the good luck with the job, im sure i will settle into fine

Hev
Hey, Hev- congratualtions on your new job! I'm sure you will start to feel less anxious about it after you have been there for awhile and settle in...anxiety about new things always is hard to get through isn't it...ugh. I'm sorry that your t isn't around to help you through it. I wonder if there is some way you could get alternative means of support if you asked her, while she is away for long times? I know some people on here have posted about the idea of a safety net t for breaks...but I don't know how you think about that. It is so hard to have to deal for long times on our own about the hard stuff, isn't it?

Hug, to get you through, and keep posting!

(((((Hev))))))

BB
Hi Hev,
I just wanted to post a clip from an old post of mine that talks about what you're going through. I hope this helps "normalize" your feelings for you.

quote:
You sound perfectly normal to me! (But then you might want to consider the source. Big Grin ). The truth is that there is a certain rhythm to therapy that we move to based on when our appts are, so yes, there may be people who regularly go longer (I go once a week usually but occasionally skip weeks) but a gap is a gap and a change in the rhythm can throw off your sense of safety. And four to six weeks is a SIGNIFICANT gap. [ So is two!! - AG] I've done six weeks so I can reassure you that you will survive it but it's understandable that it's making you feel panicky.

Human beings are literally biologically driven to stay near their attachment figures, it's key to their survival. So being able to be in contact with your AF can feel like a matter of life and death especially when it's coming from a time when you were very young. Which is why this is freaking you out so badly. You're not overreacting, you're experiencing a reaction from much earlier in your development. When you have a secure attachment when you're small, an important thing that you learn is that when your AF goes away, you can trust them to come back. And they can hear your fear and how difficult it is to be left, and they can soothe you and help you handle the emotions surrounding that. Think of a two year old whose mother is leaving. Having this happen over and over again teaches us that the connection stays intact DESPITE physical separation. That's why it's so much easier to leave a 10 year old than it is a two year old. From the feelings you're describing, I'm guessing you didn't have a secure attachment when you were small, so essentially you're having to learn this lesson now. And as an adult, these reactions can feel really out of control. The really good news is that you have a T who gets this and understands what a difficult thing you are facing.


When we didn't have a chance to learn this when we're small, then we have to go through it with our Ts. And it's much harder to do as an adult partially because we beat ourselves up so much for HAVING the feelings.
AG
Since writing this post my T and I havelooked at what i am feeling about her holidays in our last 3 sessions. I'm feeling abandoned, hurt, dismissed and i don't feel important, also i don't feel she cares about me Frowner

Ag i get this now Human beings are literally biologically driven to stay near their attachment figures, I hate being away from my T and i hate that i feel this way

Hev

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