Well....I'm not feeling all that clear today, but I'm going to take a stab at being clear.

I've been going to her maybe 3/4 mos. and she is a person who really wants to comfort you and leans towards a sort of nurturing "inner child", you need to get your needs met sort of thing that I'm not all that comfortable with and have said so. Right in the beginning she asked me the worst thing I've ever thought of myself..something like that and I thought about it and told her. She reacted with shock and sort of pity...and tried to assure me that we/ would "fix" that. As if I am damaged in some profound way and need to be fixed by someone else. Even though I feel weak, I am of the belief that I will find my own answers..that I have them somewhere and am uncomfortable role playing a child.

I have had an outside stressor that I can't control or do anything about and it has really taken the life out of me and been damaging to my relationships. We discussed that maybe I just need to take that out of the picture for awhile and be ok with saying to people that I didn't want to discuss it. I liked that and I did that, but then she would keep going over it and asking for details and the details don't even matter that much. It provoked my extreme anxiety over this issue. She threw out a bunch of high power political names and took it on as her own "project". I think she found that the complexity of the issue wasn't something I made up and simply never mentioned it again...even though I had to give her information and details that I mentioned I didn't want to go over, but wanted to concentrate on the feelings holding me back.

We also have a group therapy and I've reached a point of wanting to / being able to explore some deep feelings that are hard to define in a concrete manner...but I do want to sit with them. Those are interrupted with theories, answers and suggestions. I am taken away from that place of exploration into theories that I do not disagree with, already know about and see the merit of...BUT what about me being able to explore the feelings I do have and finding a place where I can move into acceptance and implement solutions?

One problem I have always had ...is being uncomfortable with being told what to do/feel. There is a point I will reach that I will resist and be unable to listen to anything that person says. At that point, I wouldn't do something they told me to do even if it were what I wanted/needed to do and I suppose that happens when there is not a bit of trust left and a strong need to be heard.

I don't know if this will make any sense and maybe you can tell me if I am standing in my own way. But, I don't want a guru a savior or a superior ...I wanted a partner helping me find my OWN way.

Hi Mel1. Welcome.

Red Flag for me, even after you have been clear! Red Flag.

This T is not walking your journey with you she is either taking over, not listening, not showing empathy, not validating your feelings - and a few more things. All of them to me mean she is not clicking with you. I would try for someone else.

I have struggled with trust and my T - and after reading your comments about your T, I was comparing them to mine in my head = and I realise that mine is walking my journey with me and providing me with support. We change tact when we need to and she responds to what is happening for me in the session. She gets into "Fixing Mode" some sessions - but when it is appropriate. But essentially I feel she is there and listening and responding and she remembers everything I have ever said.

I might be entirely wrong and someone else here will have seen positives that I haven't - but for me I wouldnt be feeling comfortable with things.

Hi Mel1 (nice to meet you)
Red flags are waving for me to even having read your clear post. Thinking about my burgeoning relationship with my T (I am 5 months into therapy) and comparing her with your T sends warning bells. T told me specifically when we first met that she was not there to tell me what to do, but rather that therapy should be a partnership and we would learn together. She does go into fixing mode but only when needed, like getting me a tissue or a glass of water last week when I was feeling sick in session (but this is not each and every time we meet). The rest of the time I feel listended to, contained when emotions are high, she responds. She never tells me what to do or feel. Something says yours is not clicking with you in a way that would work for you. Is it worth trying to find another fit with someone else?