Had a session with T1 today and I feel almost guilty or maybe guilty is the wrong word. I feel empty or lonely in my own head because I don't have the transference ping ponging around. For the past two sessions I have just been able to leave T at therapy and think so much about her or things I want to say to her so much in between sessions. I feel that longing and that NEED to interact with her. It doesn't seem so pivotal that she be the one who hears me, understands me, sooths me, comforts me and gives me guidance. I am no longer craving her attention and it just feels weird. I know this is all good, and it is precisely why I sought out the assistance of T2 with the transference, but it feels kind of lonely in my head not having my thoughts be preoccupied with therapy and T and my lack of relationship with T. I wanted to achieve the emotional disconnect in my own head because I needed the emotional relief and now that I don't have the extremes in emotion I am feeling nervous and a bit unsure about just floating. I have taken T off of the pedestal in my head and placed her where she belongs and it is a bit disappointing. This is all so confusing.

Am I that accustomed to feeling THAT emotionally abused and neglected that I actually miss it on some level? At least then I am FEELING. Now I am not feeling much of anything.

somebody out there please tell me you can identify. I mean we are all in this (therapy) to achieve some emotional relief or peace so why do I feel so bad having it!