Hi mlc,

I have been going through what I think is something similar, at least to the extent that I have been thinking. . .and needing. . .and wanting desparately to be held and touched by by T, in a very childlike way, and in way that I want her to be maternal to me. For a very long time, it ate me up. . .I could not articulate it. i journaled about it, but did not give it to my T (which sometimes I do and sometimes I don't) I started telling her how babyish I was feeling, and what babylike and childlike needs i had, and told her how much I wanted her to hold me, and to cuddle up and just be held while I talked. If has been extremely frustrating because she won't hold me, talks about boundaries constantly, and it incredibly painful. But honestly, with each passing session, even though it is incredibly painful, I also see how my T is in a way holding me emotionally with that. She absolutely positively will not give in to what amount to almost tantrums about not getting my way. I hate it, yet there is something (very very small, mind you) in the boundaries that feels comforting. I can't explain that even a little. I do know that sinse I told my T all of this, even through all of the frustration of not getting the physical contact I so desperately feel I need and ant, I feel like we have grown closer by being able to talk about it. It feels like a big risk to say what you want and need, and being afraid to hear no always gets in my way, at least. But it is always a huge vehicle for growth.

I guess what I am saying is, if you can bring yourself to open the door to talk about it, the wanting may not go away, but sitting alone with it does, and at least for me, that was helpful. Plus, who knows how your T will respond? It seems like you are in touch with those feelings,and really need to be able to share them, and that it feels very risky to you. Think about taking the risk--just take your time and the words will come.

WhereamI

Thank You HB and whereamI for your thoughtfulness...I am going to take your advice and talk about it my next session...these needs feel sooo deep for me I just can't not bring them up anymore...thank you...mlc

Hi MLC, i feel the same way sometimes too, though probably not as much as I used to. It's really unnerving, feeling yourself go from a high-functioning adult to a scared little child as soon as you sit in your T's office... that's how it was for me. And I got angry with myself for feeling so childish around her. I felt pathetic. It's a good idea to talk to your T about it. Maybe you could write about it too, and take it just in case you can't find the words while you're there?

quote:

I also see how my T is in a way holding me emotionally with that.

WAI - i love this! I think it's amazing and I am going to try to remember that next time i feel the need for my T to hold me.

LTF