Do you ever feel like you have run out of the things you want to talk about in therapy, and that rather than getting to the stuff you don't want to talk about, you'd prefer to just quit?

This is where I'm at now. I've been in therapy nearly five months now. I've seen some dramatic improvements in a few areas, while in some other areas hardly any progress has been made. I'm not thriving, exactly, but I'm stable and I'm surviving, and I'm calmer than I was when I initially started therapy.

Is the fact that you don't want to talk about something really a sign that you *need* to talk about it? Maybe it's just a sign that you are not ready to go there, or that you don't need to go there, ever.

I seem like a trauma victim, to T and to myself, in spite of the fact that my childhood was pretty good and I can't really point to any events in my life that are clearly identifiable as traumas. It feels strange to me sometimes that I feel such a strong sense of kinship with many of the people who post on this board, in spite of the fact that my background has been I think very normal in comparison. But, I totally get the experience of feeling traumatized. I get the sudden senses of fear and terror, the frightening images, the destructive urges, the sense of confusion when it comes to matters of self and identity, the almost obsessive attachment to T.

Anyway. A few years ago I was in a situation. . . it's so difficult to articulate really, and I find I don't want to talk about in specifics here anymore than I do in therapy. . . anyway, I was in a situation, a cluster of relationships, where I felt very controlled, manipulated, and on a very deep level betrayed by people I trusted and was close to. It was during this time that I started sprouting some of the trauma like "symptoms" that plague me to this day.

But I don't know. It's difficult to talk about. I don't want to talk about it. I don't think it should matter so much. Yet I'm at the place with T where I feel like I need to either go forward into this stuff, or drop out of therapy, and right now dropping out just sounds pretty darn good.

I don't think anyone on here is going to advise me to quit, and deep down I don't want to quit either, but my session is tomorrow and I'm feeling scared. Thinking about it makes me feel sick, even though I think I'm pretty much over the early pregnancy nausea.

Anyway. Thanks to anyone who bothers to read this. I know it's kinda jumbled.