(((SMILEY))))

It's a rotten place to be in and I don't envy you one bit. I'm struggling to pay my T right now too and feel like you do that I don't have the right to be angry with him.

Was she telling you in the first conversation that you need to call her and make an appointment? Or does she always call to offer you one?

(((Smiley))) The last thing I would do under
those circumstances is sit waiting for an
e-mail feeling bad. Why not try to regain some
control and send HER an e-mail instead? Ask her
to clarify exactly what the arrangements are to
be going forward. If nothing else you will feel
better for having taken some positive action.
AV.

Liese - she usually sends me an e-mail or texts me when to come. I assume since she didn't call she didn't have time for me. Avoidant - I'm afraid to send that e-mail to her. I don't want to screw up my chances of still going there. I don't think it will but it is really eating at me. I want to have control but I'm afraid.

She has never done this before. We talk about finances and it's always fine, but this time it felt like she was pushing me out. Kind of well, you aren't suicidal right now, you've made some progress so I'm not important enough anymore for her to make the time. I'm feeling bad about the whole thing.

Smiley your T isn't being consistent here and I would firmly but politely call her on it. I'd contact her and is used the situation.

Smiley, I agree with poppet. I go once a month because of finances and T and I always make an appointment a month ahead of time. Maybe this could work for you also. I hate having to wait that long but it is better than being in limbo all the time. I hope you find some resolution. Everything costs so much anymore, it just seems like a big pain.

Thanks all. My T actually sent me an e-mail saying she set up an appt for me next week. That will be a month since I've been there. I totally wimped out. I just said I think I'll wait until I pay you what I owe you. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what to do now. I'm totally feeling lost. I don't not want to see her and yet I am now embarrassed that I haven't paid her. She gets nothing from my insurance because my deductable is so high. Now I'm feeling like a little kid again - out of control. My mind is racing about the near future without anyone to actually talk to. I hate my life.....

Smiley,
Its a rough place to be in. I always hated the money part of the relationship. My old T had stopped taking insurance and had agreed to only charge me my copay that I would normally pay as a favor. I would go back and forth between feeling guilty about it and being angry b/c I was sure I was not as important to her if I was not paying like others. In the end, I talked to her about it and I told her that I felt guilty about it. She told me that she would not have offered if it was not something that she Wanted to do. She said she would not charge anybody if she could (meaning if she had loads of money with no bills to pay lol) b/c she loves what she does and simply wants to help people. That helped me to accept the offer. Anyways, its a long way of saying maybe you can just have a really honest and straighforward conversation with T about it? Or maybe you could look into other options...I don't know where you live, but here in California there are programs that you can get free counseling/therapy through. I had a friend who used it and the therapist was decent (I know those programs get a bad rep) - since it seems you are just using it to sort of maintain right now? Just a thought...I'll be wishing well that it all works out for you.

(((((SMILEY)))))

Kmay - It's funny, everything you said I have talked to my T about. She said exactly the same things. To the letter. How do you just believe that? I trust her more than anyone in my life, but I don't. There's something definately wrong with my head!

Liese - Right back to ya! Thanks.

I've gone over the conversation I want to have with her and I'm afraid that every ending has the same result - goodbye. There's no way that I can just talk to her now. If it's over it has to be over. This sucks because I don't want it to end.