deleted for personal reasons, just me and my stuff
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i am sighing with you, janedoe. those poignant moments are so fleeting but so all consuming at the time. the connection you made with star is what keeps it going sometimes, at least, me and therapy. that moment being present and FEELING your feelings is what, i gather, your t is after there? other things, too, i am sure, but, that feeling the feeling?? and being totally present with it? that sounds like progress and 'very mindful' if you don't mind me getting all dbt about it!! 
i am glad, too, to see that you are going on your trip.
that something bigger you want, what are you meaning?? didn't follow. just curious. jill
i am glad, too, to see that you are going on your trip.
that something bigger you want, what are you meaning?? didn't follow. just curious. jill
JD,
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I'm happy to hear that you had that moment with Star. You are doing such great work and I hope that you have many more connected moments like that.
(((hugs)))
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I'm happy to hear that you had that moment with Star. You are doing such great work and I hope that you have many more connected moments like that.
(((hugs)))
Jill -
yeah, my T was responding to me not running away or protecting against or being afraid of feeling... whatever it was I that I had beed feeling in that moment... (I'm not even quite sure what I had been feeling). I guess I was really mindful. Yay for so much DBT finally paying off! That makes me smile. Thanks Jill for your encouragement.
STRM - thank you so much for your kind words. They are comforting to me. Thank you.
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I am thinking of that moment. It really was like I let myself feel something I have been pushing away with my T, and the ----s, and others, SO MUCH.
I get so scared to connect, and to be comforted. When my T and I talked a little later on in the session she mentioned, "I can see, even visually, how hard it is for you to receive kindness, comfort, I would even say love..." My T didn't mention that specific moment with Star, but after that moment, my T was teared up.
I let myself feel whatever felt good, and I wanted it, I WANTED to stay there. I even said it out loud. And for a short while, I didn't move away.
I was standing in a place with her and so still *with* her, (like we were attuned to each other maybe?) and in the past, whenever I felt that "contact" or connection, or something, I would feel bad. I would not at all want to stay in it forever. I would almost grimace or move away, litterally.
But in that moment, I stayed.., and I wanted to...
anyhow, yeah, I am going on the trip. Packing alittle tonight and cleaning up my apartment a bit to get prepared to leave in a couple of days. Maybe I'm scared of the trip - well, I am for sure scared to the trip - and I... I think I could really use a big giant soft gentle and strong ----- to stand by me and feel comfortable with. Or a mom, to just hug me. And say, it's ok.
hmm... as I type... I am thinking about how that was something else with the ----. She was so steady and so calm, even to a degree that was very unusual for her. She was like a mom, who was so steady, with me, who was a scared and scattered and emotional person who was all over the place emotionally. She was steady in a moment when I could find noting steady in me.
Maybe I need to feel steady right now...
yeah, my T was responding to me not running away or protecting against or being afraid of feeling... whatever it was I that I had beed feeling in that moment... (I'm not even quite sure what I had been feeling). I guess I was really mindful. Yay for so much DBT finally paying off! That makes me smile. Thanks Jill for your encouragement.
STRM - thank you so much for your kind words. They are comforting to me. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
I am thinking of that moment. It really was like I let myself feel something I have been pushing away with my T, and the ----s, and others, SO MUCH.
I get so scared to connect, and to be comforted. When my T and I talked a little later on in the session she mentioned, "I can see, even visually, how hard it is for you to receive kindness, comfort, I would even say love..." My T didn't mention that specific moment with Star, but after that moment, my T was teared up.
I let myself feel whatever felt good, and I wanted it, I WANTED to stay there. I even said it out loud. And for a short while, I didn't move away.
I was standing in a place with her and so still *with* her, (like we were attuned to each other maybe?) and in the past, whenever I felt that "contact" or connection, or something, I would feel bad. I would not at all want to stay in it forever. I would almost grimace or move away, litterally.
But in that moment, I stayed.., and I wanted to...
anyhow, yeah, I am going on the trip. Packing alittle tonight and cleaning up my apartment a bit to get prepared to leave in a couple of days. Maybe I'm scared of the trip - well, I am for sure scared to the trip - and I... I think I could really use a big giant soft gentle and strong ----- to stand by me and feel comfortable with. Or a mom, to just hug me. And say, it's ok.
hmm... as I type... I am thinking about how that was something else with the ----. She was so steady and so calm, even to a degree that was very unusual for her. She was like a mom, who was so steady, with me, who was a scared and scattered and emotional person who was all over the place emotionally. She was steady in a moment when I could find noting steady in me.
Maybe I need to feel steady right now...