((((((((((((JD))))))))))))

quote:

what they said was awful, but they were just saying words. just words.

That's all you did too, JD. Right? You just said words. So they were a bit...amplified. I do that, too. With a whole LOT less provocation than being called a liar about the very real trauma of having been assaulted.

Sweetie, it sounds like you were directly and very unfairly provoked...and as such, IMO your reaction was totally understandable. So you would like to be more in control of your reactions. I can't tell you how many times a day I wish the exact same thing. Take several deep breaths...it will be okay, this is not the end of the world. When does your T get back from vacation?

Love & big hugs,
SG

SG-
aww, thank you. your response really helped my heart so much.

You are right, it was just words on my end too... I screamed and yelled and said awful curse words and was mad... I was amplified and on stereo. but yeah, that's all I did.

How I reacted with the insurance and advocate - well, that seems more understanable to me. they were right there, being the jerks, and i wished i would have run than be in the room and screamed at the people who were supposed to help me...

maybe that's part of why I didnt calm down trying to connect with others who could help me. More helping people. I turned around and fell apart on my T's voicemail and on the back up t. I'm so scared my T will be scared of me or think she can't help me...

maybe I can write her a letter about everything that happened and tell her i am so sorry. It just feels like my sorry is so small. I want her to stay...

she gets back in on monday.

I do want to be in more control of my reactions, and I have made a lot of progress on that, and this was a slip up, scew up.

and yeah, the world is indeed stil spinning

thanks SG, I'm encouraged and taking some deep breaths and holding on. (even in the midst of the tears and fear, I feel comforted. thank you so much!)

Crumbs, JD - I can't believe the crap that these people send your way. I mean, I DO absolutely believe it, but it is just horrific that people do it. I'm sorry about your relative and about the awful insurance people trying to take advantage of it.

I know without a doubt you have made huge progress since the time we first met you - you seem just so much more centred, and have written such wonderful accounts of all of this growth. I am sure your T knows it too, and I hope so much that she is not thrown by this rough spot.

Take it easy, dear JD.

Jones

JD - So sorry to hear how these people are treating you. Don't worry about your response, it happens and you had every right to "lose it" for a moment. Now you can take your deep breaths and look at it more calmly right? These people don't know what they are talking about and are probably pencil pushers who think more of themselves than they should! Sorry, it just ticks me off when someone does something like this.

Anyway, try to remain calm and breathe. Talk to your T again calmly and just deal with the immediate. You will be ok. Please take care of yourself and don't be to judgemental of yourself for getting angry.

Smiley