So, helle, does it mean you are staying with your T and trying to deal with the money issue?

Do definitely check out Yalom. He is really amazing.

Well girls, I don't know how you call different things over there (i.e. gas=petrol), but yes, car park is a place where you park your car

Oh, dear I have something difficult to share around this issue.

Shortly after I started seeing my T, when I had difficulty talking about something, when I couldn't express something, or I was too afraid to say something, he would say (he did it twice or more), that it's ok, we have plenty of time and there is no need to rush. That kind of thing.
Straight after him saying this, a thought came up that he is trying to simply get more money of me, the longer the therapy takes the better for him. I feel very ashamed thinking like this, but part of me thinks, well, what if that is the case.
I never dared to mention this to him. I feel like I would be really unfair to him, especially that he said that he really cares about me.

Now, he is moving on to his own office and he is going to be more available (had limited hours available up till now). He proposed to meet me twice a week and I'm really glad that there is such a possibility and I'm going to go for it. However again there is this thing in my head that he needs to have more hours now to cover his expenses and earn after all (not because I need more sessions). I know his finances are not my worry - he actually said something like that quite firmly.

Once before I asked him before for an additional appointment when he couldn't make the regular session with me. He couldn't have a session later same week. Now, that he is going to miss our regular hour he said he will be able to accomodate me same week different day to make up for missed session. Again i think it's because he doesn't want to loose the money I would pay him.

I feel really awful thinking something like that about him. He is nothing else but good for me and I feel I am being so ungratefull and materialistic (and I really pay so little). Despite moving out from the therapy room that probably is available for free for counsellors in training, he is not going to raise my tiny fee. He said that would be unfair.

Well, I guess putting it down here will help me get my head around it. This is something I should probably tell him, isn't it?

Amazon, you should definitely say something to him about this. You stated earlier that his finances are not your worry and he had said something firm regarding this, but sometimes we need to hear things again, maybe stated in a different way. I know I ask my T every time I go in "Are you going to terminate therapy?" and even though he says no every time, I still can't help but ask. So if you can muster the courage to talk to him about this I think it would be good for both of you, because I worry this may become a stumbling block in therapy.

There is one more thing---just a thought so take it with a grain of salt, but...you indicated that these thoughts about him wanting to get more money out of you came as a result of you finding difficulty in talking about a certain issue...could it be that you may be using the financial worries to avoid talking about the difficult issue? I'm just throwing that out there, because it is something I might do. I'm not inside your head so I can't possibly know what you're going through, but I just wanted to share that thought. I hope you can work this out, you deserve to be able to see him as often as you need without this concern hanging over your head.

WLOH

Hi Amazon,
forgive me if I am repeating myself, but I once called my T "my paid friend" that did not go over well- AT ALL. I was in a very bad place, It had nothing to do with him, but I made it all about him, my bad.

Even when I couldn't yet see the forest through the trees, I apologized sincerely. this was one of those things that I regretted saying. He was hard on me- by saying that I hurt his heart. Sometimes I forget that he was not there for the things that caused my issues, and yet sometimes I am too quick to blame or judge him for what he did or didn't do.
He is just a poor bum doing his job the best way he knows how, just like us.
My problem? tomorrow I might feel differently.