i just can't leave this up anymore, sorry.
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Cat,
sorry no words of wisdom but
sorry no words of wisdom but
thank you scars
I'm glad I was able to read before you took it down.
It totally sucks that mental illness does not get the same kind of financial/social support that "health" issues get. I've had the diabetes and cancer analogy used on me before, and it almost makes me mad, instead of making me feel better.
By the way - sometimes, despite how broke I am, little "once in a blue moon" treats really do help me feel good, if only for a little while, and help me feel pampered.
One day, for you, for me, and for all the others suffering from mental issues, I hope that the world supports the recovery and health support of, the same way it supports cancer and diabetes.
(((cat)))
It totally sucks that mental illness does not get the same kind of financial/social support that "health" issues get. I've had the diabetes and cancer analogy used on me before, and it almost makes me mad, instead of making me feel better.
By the way - sometimes, despite how broke I am, little "once in a blue moon" treats really do help me feel good, if only for a little while, and help me feel pampered.
One day, for you, for me, and for all the others suffering from mental issues, I hope that the world supports the recovery and health support of, the same way it supports cancer and diabetes.
(((cat)))
((r2g)) thank you my dear... they are the 'once in a blue moon' things. it's also really hard to talk about financial stress w/ someone you pay. it must be hard for t's sometimes. i feel awkward like i'm somehow saying 'save me' when i'm really just trying to talk about getting my life in order. one of my t's shared this week that she's with me on hoping next year is more 'abundant' (she said 'we can do it together' (hope, she means)). it's meant everything this week. health is so hard sometimes... im mad at that analogy, too.
((sp)) it does suck, but such is the hand we are dealt. ive always been a very motivated person, im busy, responsible, organized, stable (as far as friends, housing, job, etc go I tend to find something that works and stick w/ it). i lived, and will move back to, my country w/ socialized medicine, but even still... mental health is different. i know out of everything my P is the most important... so i have my priorities, im also fully willing to forego my ts to find temporary, cheaper, help to tide by until i can go back to the aggressive treatment plan i like. it's hard when financial stress starts to hit the 'core'. i look around and some things are going on my list of luxuries...... treatment is one of them, my pets are another, it's hard to eat (i have/can afford food of course) because i feel like i'm wasting... it's really made my ED a lot worse right now... plus to handle the stress. i never thought of using the word 'chronic' illness, it truly is - but it can be healed. i really wish that MH, like both you and r2g have sorta said... would get more 'credit'. a lot has to do with ME though... who am i trying to legitimize my illness(es) to? myself. i still treat them, it's just im judging myself i guess. sorry to process this much. i try to take pride, and see the good things, and both of my endlessly foolish positive-regard holding t's tell me i can do t, i am doing it (i'm obviously motivated to fix my financial situation it's not like... i can't or won't and i didn't before it got this bad for my mental health too... for stability after my hospitalizations). so much identity is tied to finances.... it's objectifying, and... yea i could go on and on, sorry. i really appreciate your support.
I saw someone else reply, and i appreciated it very much but did not get a chance to respond and im very sorry.
today i sat and cried in t's office (whoa - same thing as every week!). we focused a lot on my eating. she asked me not to go away. i'm trying, and i got the electrolytes i promised i would since well, my ED has got me in a place i'm subsisting off of coffee 90% of the time... but i can't drink them yet. it's very odd, the feeling of worthlessness i have right now i can't "have" and in a way my ED is taking that out on me. but.. i'm trying. i tend to, especially recently being more integrated, allow myself to decay sometimes. when things were better contained and segregated i could plow through easier but right now it's all tied in together and it looks like a huge mess... like if my brain was m&ms... they used to be all separated out by color and now they are dumped in a huge bowl and i'm trying to look at each individual color but they are all there. ugh.
sorry
((sp)) it does suck, but such is the hand we are dealt. ive always been a very motivated person, im busy, responsible, organized, stable (as far as friends, housing, job, etc go I tend to find something that works and stick w/ it). i lived, and will move back to, my country w/ socialized medicine, but even still... mental health is different. i know out of everything my P is the most important... so i have my priorities, im also fully willing to forego my ts to find temporary, cheaper, help to tide by until i can go back to the aggressive treatment plan i like. it's hard when financial stress starts to hit the 'core'. i look around and some things are going on my list of luxuries...... treatment is one of them, my pets are another, it's hard to eat (i have/can afford food of course) because i feel like i'm wasting... it's really made my ED a lot worse right now... plus to handle the stress. i never thought of using the word 'chronic' illness, it truly is - but it can be healed. i really wish that MH, like both you and r2g have sorta said... would get more 'credit'. a lot has to do with ME though... who am i trying to legitimize my illness(es) to? myself. i still treat them, it's just im judging myself i guess. sorry to process this much. i try to take pride, and see the good things, and both of my endlessly foolish positive-regard holding t's tell me i can do t, i am doing it (i'm obviously motivated to fix my financial situation it's not like... i can't or won't and i didn't before it got this bad for my mental health too... for stability after my hospitalizations). so much identity is tied to finances.... it's objectifying, and... yea i could go on and on, sorry. i really appreciate your support.
I saw someone else reply, and i appreciated it very much but did not get a chance to respond and im very sorry.
today i sat and cried in t's office (whoa - same thing as every week!). we focused a lot on my eating. she asked me not to go away. i'm trying, and i got the electrolytes i promised i would since well, my ED has got me in a place i'm subsisting off of coffee 90% of the time... but i can't drink them yet. it's very odd, the feeling of worthlessness i have right now i can't "have" and in a way my ED is taking that out on me. but.. i'm trying. i tend to, especially recently being more integrated, allow myself to decay sometimes. when things were better contained and segregated i could plow through easier but right now it's all tied in together and it looks like a huge mess... like if my brain was m&ms... they used to be all separated out by color and now they are dumped in a huge bowl and i'm trying to look at each individual color but they are all there. ugh.
sorry
((CAT)) I am so sad and pained by what you are going through. It really Pi---s me off, that you need this help and are struggling. Our society is set up and dictated by "HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAVE". Unfortunately, its not about what we need, what we deserve, ITS ABOUT STINKIN MONEY! I can only hope your T will step up to the plate, and help you even if its outside of that office, and give you some of her time. You are in my thoughts! ((DRAGGERS)) I am also very sorry that you are in a very tough position, and going through these struggles. I agree with you that everyone should be able to enjoy a few simple things such as, a haircut or nails being done occasionally. Life is so hard. I'm so glad we have each other on this forum. My heart is really hurting for both of you. 
(((Cat))) I can definitely relate to the financial struggles with what our insurance is putting us through. T is sympathetic, but also, not knowing what we went through (debt-wise) fixing up and then later trying (and failing) to not lose our home, he kind of gives off these "with your H's income, I don't understand how you could NOT afford this treatment even now that you're paying over twice as much for your treatment as before" messages, and it fills me with too much shame to even attempt to fully explain to him. And any little treat I get myself, I feel like I'm horrible and wrong. And, I don't live nearly as frugally as you do, so I can imagine when you're working so hard how much more painful such messages must be. When that much gets stirred up, it's hard to not go into self-punishment mode to appease the shame gods.
This is something I've been trying to find a way to express for a couple of months now. I mean, the whole containers thing was maybe not ideal, but it was so much cleaner and certainly not so confusing as experiencing those things in a connected, integrated way. Thanks for putting that up there.
I can definitely relate to the financial struggles with what our insurance is putting us through. T is sympathetic, but also, not knowing what we went through (debt-wise) fixing up and then later trying (and failing) to not lose our home, he kind of gives off these "with your H's income, I don't understand how you could NOT afford this treatment even now that you're paying over twice as much for your treatment as before" messages, and it fills me with too much shame to even attempt to fully explain to him. And any little treat I get myself, I feel like I'm horrible and wrong. And, I don't live nearly as frugally as you do, so I can imagine when you're working so hard how much more painful such messages must be. When that much gets stirred up, it's hard to not go into self-punishment mode to appease the shame gods.quote:when things were better contained and segregated i could plow through easier but right now it's all tied in together and it looks like a huge mess... like if my brain was m&ms... they used to be all separated out by color and now they are dumped in a huge bowl and i'm trying to look at each individual color but they are all there.
((((cat))))