Believe it or not, yes that is how most people do it. I have been lucky 2X with referrals from people I know. But knowing what I know now about transference and all of that I will be very careful next time. (Hopefully there won't be a next time but I am a realist.) I suggest asking a lot of questions on the phone and at the first appt. See all three once and then decide if you want. It is a lot like a job interview, and you are doing the interviewing. I have seen gobs of sites online that have lists of questions to ask potential T's. Don't be afraid to grill 'em, you know now how much influence a T can have on your life, you don't want to trust this stuff to just anyone.

Hi Wynne,
I agree with what River already said about interviewing your potential T before you "sign up." I have seen some websites like she is talking about that provide some good questions for you to ask. But there is an on the job training so to speak that goes on I think and so a T has to be someone who is willing to learn through your experience as well as you learning through experiencing it. If that makes sense.

I had a very high recomendation to my T from a good friend who also happens to be a T b/c as I was aware of "just because someone hangs a sign on their door doesn't mean they're any good at it." I still feel like I got very lucky.

How about T-fella recomending someone for you? I'd hesitate on the three sided coin toss, but if that is your only option then definitely grill them on the interview like River said. Maybe even take in a session or two, because to be honest my first impression w/ my T (and we ALL know how wonderful she turned out to be) was very benign. But I had no idea I was about to embark on the ride of my lifetime either. I even told her one day almost 2 years into my therapy, "You know you really should hang a disclaimer on the wall that reads 'You will fall in love with me, but that is ok and completely normal.'" She laughed and admitted that not everyone "falls in love with their therapist." Lucky b@$t@&#$

As far as paper work...I think that is the reason I decided she was ok. 1 form, 1 side, 14 pt font. Who wouln't love that?? My Alcohol counselor on the other hand was something like 8 pages boths sides with redundant question after redundant question until I got so fed up I quit filling out the forms especially when the last question I read went something like "Have you or anyone in your family ever experienced any of the following, please circle all that apply- physical, sexual, emotional abuse, substance abuse, suicidal tendencies, mood disorders, eating disorders, physical endangerment, violent assault or victim of crime, anxiety or panic attacks, serious emotional distress that required hospitalization, ...etc etc etc...
I wrote in big letters; "Are you kidding me??" He got a chuckle out of that and asked "Do you think you're family might be dysfunctional?"

I said "no."

Let us know how your search goes.

So, I called the first name on the list of referral names that Tfella gave me two days ago, and I haven't gotten a call back yet. Guess what that means for that guy?

Next!

Maybe he is out of town or has a completely reasonable explanation. I would ask him about that if he does call you back though and make sure that is not his usual protocol with clients.

(((Wynne)))

I think it is so brave of you to look for a new individual T. I think you should call all 3 of them and talk to them all at least on the phone or maybe for a session or two. I think you have the advantage of knowing something about therapy and how important your T can become to you so don't feel you have to rush into your decision. I had no idea what I was getting into when I started therapy so if I have to get a new T I will approach it differently. There are several sites that will give you sample questions to ask a potential T but I think you have to decide what is important to you.

Good luck

Sorry, this is going to be a pretty much blow-by-blow description of the process, if ya'll don't mind. So I called T2 this afternoon, and he called me back...this afternoon. Said he had openings, set up appt Monday, etc. I was very nervous; I hate talking to strangers on the phone (making or receiving "cold calls", as it's called). He asked me if I had any questions, and I said that I was sure I had them, but couldn't bring them to mind at the time. I know my voice kept going more and more "business" - a kind-of deader, distancing voice during the phone conversation. Funny thing, his voice got more and more engaged or "warm". Part of my was partially amused, and wondered how far that would go (*sardonic grin*). He said to call back if I remembered the questions.

So, that's one. Last person on list's a woman, and I don't know how I feel about seeing a woman T. Reckon I shouldn't discriminate, but the first T I saw about 4 years ago at the U was a woman and... honestly, I barely remember a thing about those 12 sessions. It was all about things that were keeping me from working, and ... well, I work better now, and know how to not put things off so much. End of story, no real connection, etc etc. Weirdness.

I imagine I'll make up a list of questions to ask, but I don't know about calling and setting up meetings with all of them. That'd feel... weird? wrong? like I'd want to tell them I was doing that, and while I don't mind going through them sequentially, going to see them all at once feels a bit odd.


I ramble. Many thanks for listening. I feel a bit out there these days, and I know I'm not engaging as much as I was earlier in the forums or, to be honest, in real life. It's like I'm taking time off from...caring about stuff quite so much. I'm sure it's not a good idea, it's just where I am right now.

quote:

I feel a bit out there these days, and I know I'm not engaging as much as I was earlier in the forums or, to be honest, in real life. It's like I'm taking time off from...caring about stuff quite so much. I'm sure it's not a good idea, it's just where I am right now.

I wonder if there is something in the air? I have felt out of it myself and a lot of stuff has been surfacing in therapy that is leaving me with very little energy or clarity to do much of anything. Just something we work through sometimes I guess, but I thought I'd let you know you have been missed and when I noticed your post the other day it felt really good to hear from you. But it's ok to take a little break from all the _over stimulation_ once in a while. There is a lot of unseen activity going on inside us and we have to give it some room to process. At least that is how I view it.

Anyway, it is always good to hear from you. I enjoy your candor. I hope that you feel better soon and that one of these new T's works out for you. T-1 and T-2, makes me thing of Thing One and Thing Two. I'm a Dr. Seuss nut. (or maybe just a nut)
Anyway, take care!

Wynne,
I think its great that you're discussing the process, I think there's a lot of people who would benefit from seeing how you go about it.

I know I've been very quiet about this thread but I weirdly enough, never had to find a therapist. My husband actually went to my first therapist before I did, then we used her for couples counseling when we got married because we didn't feel like the pre-marital counseling at our church was deep enough considering some of the issues we brought to the table. Our baggage is matching Louis Vitton trunks!

My present therapist was recommended by a friend when my husband was looking for a new therapist, then we started going for couples counseling and as I've mentioned ad infinitum in other posts, I started seeing him for individual counseling.

So I guess I find therapists by sending my husband out to find one. Didn't think that would be much help in this situation.

My best advice, trust your gut.

AG

Here is an awesome post about what therapy is and what it does:

What is therapy? What is a therapist? And how can you tell if they’re any good?

River,
That was amazing! One of the best descriptions of therapy I've ever read, thank you for posting that.

AG

Heh. T1 finally called me back, yesterday. Didn't give any reason for not calling back sooner, was just like, "Uh, you called? about counseling?" He sounded extremely rushed. I was like, "uh, yeah, ...I did." Then he asplained that he was only in his office in my city on Mondays and Tuesday, but perhaps he could fit me in, maybe, this Tuesday? at 3?

I have never had a better example of a bad first vibe on the phone, ever. It was great! I remembered Tfella saying that I should trust my instincts with who to work with, and I pretended to fumble for a calendar and said I was, y'know, in a meeting then. But that I'd get back to him if those days worked for me to see him - which I didn't think they did.

So, lying. But small lies! Besides, would it really have been worth it to say, "Huh! You are odd and off-putting. I don't want to schedule even a first appointment with you." ?

Many thanks to you, River; that post is truly awesome. I hope whoever's running that blog keeps it up! Is niftiness.

JM, thanks, it's nice to take a break sometimes, and nice to come back. Thanks for letting me know.

And AG, Tfella agrees with you on the advice. I think you're both on the same page.

Whew! So I meet T2 tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out what it's going to be like. Other than making me nervous, which is, as folks have probably guessed by now, a very short trip.

Like you suggested, River and JM, I'm using those gobs of online sites. They just many of them ask questions that I'm not sure I'm comfortable asking - like, do I really care where they got their degree? I -am- by nature a bit of an intellectual snob, and I'd really rather that I not start that all up right off the bat. Like, eventually I looked up the school that Tfella went to, and it isn't awesome or premier or even APA-accredited, and yet he was just a fine sorta T for me - we worked, and my U likes him well enough to keep him on, and he co-leads group and teaches at local Us (though not mine, of course).

So, questions I'm actually going to ask:

1. Are you in supervision/get consultation? ("No" makes me nervous.)

2. What 'approach' do you use? (pretty much any rigid answer here will have me heading for the hills, but I can't imagine any approach in particular that would be a problem. I suppose a response like, "I try to help the crazy people" might not work for me.)

3. What's your Ph.D. in? (I know he has one.) Are you a licensed counselor/licensed something, and/or do you have any other degrees/licenses other than your Ph.D.? (I'm expecting a "yes".)

4. Do you have any particular specialization? (seriously, this dude has -zero- web presence, google knows nothing. I would have been scared away if he wasn't a referral by Tfella.)

5. *insert trauma question here* - some useful question like, "um, do trauma often?" Except that, see above, My Issues with Trauma: everybody has it? I want to figure out a question here that absolutely every therapist couldn't answer "yes" to, but that doesn't lock me into the "must get Cognitive Behavioral therapy with EMDR" track. Why? I don't know.

6. How do your clients contact you? (read as: do you -know- what a computer is, 'cause my zero-google-search made me suspicious?) How available are you? (First phone contact indicates good reliability so far, knows how to use or at least retrieve voice mail.)

What else do you think I'm missing?

I didn’t know I should interview my T when I first started seeing her. I remember that she did ask me if I had any questions I wanted to ask her, but I was pretty much satisfied with everything she already disclosed. If I were to start therapy now there are some questions I would definitely ask:

How many years have you been practicing?

Do you regularly seek supervision or consultation?

Are you a trauma specialist? How many on your case load over the years have you helped to over come their trauma issues?

What is your policy on phone calls between sessions and returning phone calls?

Have you successfully worked through your own issues?

What sort of challenges do you feel you face most as a therapist?

What do you like most about being a therapist?

What is your theoretical orientation or counseling style?

Do you have difficulty working with certain types of clients? Why?

Does working with transference make you uncomfortable?

I am sure I could come up with more if I tried real hard. But that's my two cents thus far.
JM

Wow, JM. I like your questions; they're all professional-like. "Have you successfully worked through your own isses" sound -way- better than the version I cooked up in my head, and didn't post. :P

I like asking them about what they like about being a therapist, too, though I imagine that's the sort of question that'd be telling for how they -didn't- answer it as much as for how they did. I'd be shocked if a T gave a quick straight answer to that the first time they met you, if only because the cocktail-hour-version of that question most folks with jobs have down pat wouldn't work with a client setting, I don't think. Fascinating.

Thanks for your questions; I'm taking some of 'em with me tomorrow.

30's waiting room: AM/FM radio the size of a breadbox. 4 chairs. NPR is on. wait until appointment time, right on time, man rolls back the curtain. dressed in 3-piece black suit, black dress shoes, thick full beard. led into office down the hall. office: the couch, the black leather -couch-, stares back. All black leather and beige highlights, no book written past 1970 on the walls.

You guessed it: psychoanalyst.

So Wynne, still looking?

Yeeeeah. He kinda signed up me up without me _really_ saying "yes" for another appointment on Friday. I asked him about the cancellation policy on the way out. Reckon I'll call tomorrow. I feel kinda bad, but... no. no way.

My other thought: what the hell was Tfella _thinking_?!?!??!

Remember what I said about trusting your gut? I think your instincts are correct, go with it. And maybe talk to Tfella and see what he WAS thinking. I'm sorry, this isn't a fun process to go through, but I really do believe that the effort and care you're exercising now will really pay off down the road. Thanks again for sharing all this, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about it.

AG

quote:

man rolls back the curtain. dressed in 3-piece black suit, black dress shoes, thick full beard. led into office down the hall. office: the couch, the black leather -couch-, stares back. All black leather and beige highlights,

Zounds like Freud himzelf.

Or maybe not. Maybe I should just fall back and be quiet again.

quote:

Zounds like Freud himzelf. Big Grin

I lol'd.

But seriously, d'ya think Freud'd do beige highlights? I always pictured him as a black-and-red man m'self.

With a large cigar on prominent display.

Hmmm...black and red, really? How long you velt zat vay?

Oh ya, I would run for the hills!

Did he answer any of your questions?

Did you even bother asking any of them after you saw the waiting room? (Next ancient waiting room you enter, turn and leave. Don't waste your time.)

So, I admit I was a bit worried I was boring folks to death with all this chatter about finding a T. But here's the way it went, basically:

Short version of what the first (horrible!) session was like: he talks, a lot it seems, about a ton of forms - we fill them out "together" as he asks me things like how to spell my last name and what my address is (inner response: gimme the frickin' forms, dude! I know how to use a pen!) He asks me if I have any questions about the forms - the first one that I'm reading says he's a psychoanalyst/psychodynamic therapist. I'm like, "Um, what does that mean? I didn't know you were....uh...."

He talked a little bit about what 'psychoanalytic/psychodynamic' meant - that people's 'subconscious' also made/gave them impulses that they weren't always aware of. I sort-of agreed (I did a lot of this during the session). He took notes the whole time, which made me nervous. Doesn't he know that anything he writes down is a record? Srsly?

Then we went through a whole bunch of questions - a history, I think. Like, what did I want to talk about today, did I have any friends, how was my family life, the usual. We spent a fair bit of time talking about my dad, of course. I tried to ask him the trauma question, but I couldn't come up with one that was good, even though I had yours written out, JM - I asked him if he had experience with working with people on trauma issues, but I added that that was a dumb question, 'cause I didn't think most folks came to therapy because of puppies and roses. I in particular knew it was useless because of his orientation. The whole time I was thinking about this article. The comments to the article make me feel guilty. Isn't that ironic?

So, that kinda soured me. Even worse, I asked him about if I ever applied to a job where they did a full background check, what he would be telling them and if he'd ever dealt with that situation before. He said, "my advice would be" (yes! that actual phrase!) and then suggested that I lie and not tell them that I'd ever seen him. Yup, he actually said that. He used the word "lie", and he wasn't laughing (or joking, as far as I could tell). He then said that he would lie if asked.

That's actually when I decided that I wouldn't be coming back. Even if it was in my defense, and even if was to make me feel 'safe' there and to enforce confidentiality. Lying is not my cup of tea. Except for That One Time.

That was most of it. I talked a bit about my family life, and about not leaving the house, because he asked, but I didn't want to talk to him. I am not very good at saying "no" to -obvious- authority figures (did I mention the three-piece suit?) when they make a request I don't feel to be unethical or harmful. So I talked. And he said, at the end, that he had a lot more he'd like to ask me, and was I free on Friday? I was like, "uh...yeah." [note: didn't say I wanted to see him!] So he set up an appointment for Friday. I asked about his cancellation policy on the way out.

I also called T3 before 5 today and left a message asking if she was accepting new clients and if she could get back to me about that. We'll see how that goes. *sigh* At least a woman can't do the Freud thing, right? *more desperate* right?!?

Have I mentioned that the Analyst asked me if my dad had ever "laid hands on me"? I realize it's probably just one of my things, but that bugs me for some reason. Like, jeez, man. Talk about sensitive subjects much?

Not to natter on about The Ongoing Saga, but I got a callback from T3. She (she? she!) said that she was available next week, had an opening, would probably have to fit me in-between other appointments for a bit if it worked out, generally likes to meet folks once or twice before mutually deciding if it's going to work. She's the first person who's said anything like that so far; I think it very sensible.
Phonevoice score: 7, Not Overly Creepy. (-actually- scary AnalystGuy got an 8, so I'm trying to not weight this stat too much.)

Still have to call to cancel with AnalystGuy. Boo. *tries to work up courage* *fails*

Ya, 3 piece suit guy does sound a little creepy, but I get why he told you to lie on a job app. Unless I was applying to be the President of the United States I would never list my T on a job app. Do background checks include medical histories? My husband's didn't but he only works for a bank. Is this something you've run into before?

Definitely not bored with the saga. Actually I find it very interesting since I have never interviewed and compared T's before, I've just really lucked out with referrals, well two out of three. Next time however, I might not be so lucky.

River,

Yeah, full background checks include medical checks. Of course you don't list T's as references (all the shuddering horror I felt when I thought about this - was actually funny). But when folks really really check you out, they have to ask medical providers a few questions, like whether or not they (for example) know any reason you couldn't hold a security clearance. Like, say, if you have friends or relatives being held hostage by another nation, or have a few particular medical conditions that disqualify you. The questions are pretty darn specific, but yeah, they ask 'em. I think if you're applying to those positions, you don't mind. I personally think the questions are pretty reasonable, though I agree with the current protocols (Ts have to call you, make sure you're actually applying to said job, make sure calling/showing up people are actually from said organization, etc, and explain with you what they intend to say to them).

I mostly asked because all the Ts I work with at the U have experience with this sort of thing, and given the city I live in, it's a pretty common affair. AnalystGuy had apparently never run into this, and that tells me a fair bit about his population of clients, too.

And, now I'm at that "not gonna find one don't want one go away" stage of looking for a therapist. Like, it's not that bad, I'll be fine, I feel like an idiot trying to talk to (seriously weird?) strangers about myself. They don't even get it (AnalystGuy certainly didn't) when I talk about myself. It's weird, odd, strange, go away. And I even still get to see Tfella in the weekly group therapy (3 weeks 'til it starts again, everyone's different times out of town), so... that's good enough, right?

Yeah. I'm in that place.

Wynne, don't give up!! You'll find someone and someday you'll look back and this will be a REALLY funny story (especially analyst guy, seriously, you'll be telling your grandchildren about him!). Unfortunately, really funny stories always start as things you would really have rather skipped.

I liked the sound of T3; she at least understands that its important to figure out if the relationship can take. That indicates that she realized the importance of the relationship. And you're not nattering on. I wish I had more wisdom to shed but never have gone through it, I'm at a loss, but I am really enjoying hearing all about it.

You can't stop now, I need to know how this turns out!!

AG

I was wondering if anybody else had any ideas about questions to ask Ts about their trauma experience or views to attachment and whatnot. I never seem to manage to get it out when interviewing Ts.

Sooo. Apparently Tfella thought I wanted to see someone who generally does therapy with folks for years and years, despite the fact that I'll only be in this city for another 2 or so. 'cause I showed up to T3 and apparently she's also into the psychodynamic approach. Anybody got anything I can read on that? 'Cause at present I'm going on this. And it seems all stepchild-of-Freud stuff. Bad Tfella. Bad.

So a lot of what I'm worried about in finding NewT (newt? really? Huh!) is that I'll be all pressured. I wanna be GoodClient, and all that, and I take seriously and over-seriously just about absolutely everything that Tfella says, even the small bits. I know this is true for most authority figures in my life, unless they show themselves to be supremely incompetent (hi Dad!), which is why I try to be _really_ careful about picking folks who're "in charge" of me. Ts doubly so, right?

So, first thing she does after I asplain (after the inevitable question) what I'm worried about, I mention I don't go out much, and she's like, "Huh! Has anyone ever suggested medication for that?" *freeze* "Uh, no. No, never." "Well, I don't want to be pushy, and I don't prescribe meds, I'd send you to someone else...have you never thought about it?" "No, not really." ... "Are you in favor of the idea?" "No, not really." .... "Are you totally, absolutely set against it? I'm not pushy about it [yes you are!], I just want to know if you're totally against it." "I'm not really interested." "Against it, totally?" "Thank you for telling me about this option. I appreciate it." Yeah. Pushy.

Things she did in the first session that freaked me out:

1. Said, after I asked if a bit my dad/fam did was weird ('cause, hello, awkward conversation much?), she was like, "Yeah, that's a bit strange." Hm.

2. Asked about meds. If I wanted them. And I said no. And she asked again. And I said kinda-no. And she asked again. And I said kinda-no again. Boo.

3. Said I was embarrassed/ashamed that stuff that I'd mentioned was causing me problems, 'cause I felt like I should be over it/not so worried about it. Her: "Well, we don't work that way." Like, yes, true. But.. but... but.....

4. Phone rang (and rang and rang and rang) twice during the session. That makes me twitch. And she didn't move to turn it off or anything, she just said, "Sorry, it doesn't normally ring this much, I'm not picking it up or anything." *twitch*

5. Next appointment: after explaining that she sees clients for -at minimum- one time a week, she said that the only time she had available next week was at nine in the morning on Monday, or we'd have to skip a week. I never do therapy mornings - it wrecks my entire flippin' day. But she'd just said we meet once a week, right? I was like, "Okay, nine monday, got it. 'll be there." But... to do it right, I've gotta go, right? *sigh* *thwaps self 'obside the head*

6. Asked me if I'd gone to the police about some of the things I'd talked about. Asked again why I didn't think that was a good idea. Then she asked again. Like, I just met you. No one's in danger right now or in the foreseeable future. Could you lay off the police thing?

7. Has only 45 minute sessions, not 50 minute (let alone hour sessions like Tfella, or hour and a half like group!), and asked me with 5 minutes to go if I had questions for her - the whole earlier bit had been her asking questions. I was like, uh... yes? And give me another 45 minutes to ask them. (see below)

Things she did "right":

1. I -asked- for the next appointment - to ask her questions, as it happens. Points for her on that.

2. Office not scary. Small couch, not black leather, with option to sit in chair (took option). Goodtimes.

3. When I mentioned that her question (asked for clarification) that a Certain Situation was over, and I said yes, and that it felt like I should be over it, I didn't get a sense of surging irritation or anything. So first "uh, you said...and I felt..." wasn't met with total freak out.

4. When I asked her what the role of a therapist is in the psychodynamic approach ('cause I don't even know enough to ask a better or more specific question), she said that we work with what goes on in the room as well as out. So, knows about transference? Probably a big "check" there. 'Course, Freud knew about that, too. *frown*

5. Psychology Today or whatever, current issue, and associated mags, on her desk. Top-showing article, "Self-care for psychologists." Reads periodicals and work post-1970s, check. Probably takes care of herself reasonably, at least a possibility. Tentative check.

So, I'm going back for another appointment, minimum. I'm seriously nervous (surprise! *sardonic grin*) but not completely scared off. She gets another shot.

She sounds like she has potential Wynne. Maybe a little pushy about the meds but there are even some T's who won't treat until you are on the meds (this doesn't sound like her though.)

The phone ringing is a big minus in my book. You are paying for her time and undivided attention so there should be as few outside interruptions as possible and since it is her office she needs to make sure of that. Next time ask her to turn the ringer off, tell her it is too distracting. What she does in response could tell you something about her willingness to protect the therapeutic relationship in the future.

My appts are 45 min too - how I would love to have a whole hour!

Is Monday am the only regular slot she has or will there be a pm opening up anytime soon? I don't like morning session either - its like I am in too good of a mood and don't want to "dig" too deep into anything.

She sounds like she is probably to the point and honest those would be pluses for me (even if it does make we squirm in my seat.)

Won't treat you until you're on meds? I would so not react well to that. Meds and I are on a in-case-of-emergency-only relationship.

I like the asking her to turn the ringer off. I'm not real good at asking for what I want, and that's a nice little reasonable thing I think I could ask for.

She doesn't actually have any regular slots at the moment - she said this over the phone before the first meeting, that to start with I'd need to be slotted into the extra corners of the schedule with no regular time. So it's what I can get for a while, and not having a regular time didn't (I thought) bug me much. Certainly it not being regular doesn't, though I know it's a big deal for some, and I'm sure I'll be a little twitchy if it doesn't get regular _eventually_.

I just forgot that I hate morning times. Like, all my troubles at 9am? I'm barely through my first coffee....pot. :P

Okay, one other thing. Anything (like a psychodynamic approach to counseling) that's a stepchild of Freud is going to set off my alarum bells 'cause I'm a lesbian. Period, no questions about it, really really gay.

Psychoanalysis is the chief approach of folks who're doing reparative therapy, or the kind of therapy you do when you want to turn a gay folk straight.

AnalystGuy asked me if I was single, married, or divorced. I always want to answer "gay" to that question. I realize it's not one of the options, and it's not even the same question being asked, exactly, since the former is actually something you can, say, put on a tax form to change your exemptions, but... yeah. It's such an odd question these days.

So I get all twitchy with the stepchild of psychoanalysis. Shouldn't I?

Wynne

a strong relationship between therapist and client is one of the best indicators of a positive therapeutic outcome, and is far more significant than a therapist's particular techniques and approach.

I copied this from a study done in the UK. I agree with this and HB, the relationship that you build with a T is what makes it work. There are so many different techniques, but who knows which one works best? A T who is worth anything should be able to give you what you need no matter whether you are gay, tall, short pink, blue or whatever. It isn't about her/him, it is about you. And, your gut is what you have to go by. My first session was very difficult like HB's. I didn't know what to expect, didn't know why I was there and did a lot of eye rolling (to myself). Here I am 2 yrs. later totally in love with her and so afraid of losing her. Go figure.

I hope your next session is a little more comfortable for you. It does take time to build the bond.

PL

HB, My gut? The reason I'm going back is because it wasn't screaming "ahdangerbad, getoutgetoutgetout!" AnalystGuy pretty much engendered that reaction, as has 2 or 3 I've sort-of popped in to see before in the course of looking. Though my "ahdangerbad" threshold is set a -wee bit- high, of course.

quote:

You didn't lose your balance when she pushed her meds opinion which seems to me to be a really good sign.

Heh. I appreciate this, but honestly, Godzilla the Pscyhoanalyst from Hell could push meds and I wouldn't lose my balance on it. I hate them. Haaaaaate. I know they're sometimes necessary, I could even acknowledge that they might be necessary or useful for me, and that wouldn't stop the burning. hate.

I also really appreciate the "is she good enough?" reminder. S'true. I _am_ just looking for someone who won't totally wreck my life, as a health care professional. She might do!

PL,

quote:

A T who is worth anything should be able to give you what you need

. Hermph. I don't know. I know it's the relationship that's really important, so I'm trying to find someone I can work with (and I'm a twitchy b*st*rd, believe you me). For all these folks, I'm fully aware that "it's not them, it's me." It's -me- feeling like I can't work with them, not an actual reality of their being incompetent or some such thing. Well, okay, I'm out on the fence as to whether or not Tfolks should decorate in beige and black leather. But I acknowledge that it might work for some clients. :P

Thank you both for your reminders that I have to go with my gut. I was pretty darn anxious when I was there, though, so it was actually kinda hard to suss out what my gut was really telling me. I know it wasn't saying "ahdangerbad," so she gets another go (I know, The Low Bar. I'm a master!). But you're right; she may very well be able to give me what I...need.

(((Wynne)))

I've been following your search as well and I am glad your gut was not yelling "dangerbad". I think that is worth a follow up visit. I know when I'm activated everything seems like danger. Good luck

Aaaaaand I just spent 20 minutes standing _outside_ (it's cold) waiting for T3 to show up at her office for my appointment. That's 20 minutes past when the appointment was supposed to start. Yes, it's her first appointment of the day, and yes, it's on a Monday morning, which she mentioned. Yes, I left after 20 minutes out in the cold.

But I do believe I've been stood up.

_Awesome_. Helps even more that I drove 4 hours last night to come back from a friend's house (rental car, whole production, etc, etc, did I mention it's _outside_), and I drove back tonight _only_ for this appointment. 'Cause I'm on vacation, see, and could very well have stayed. And met their new puppy that was arriving today.

_Awesome_.

So, just to review for myself. I got 3 referrals from Tfella.

T1: called him, he called back 2 days later with no, "oh, I was out of town," explained that he's only in my city 2 days a week, might be able to squeeze me in. Sounded really busy, and that's not just my insecurity talking. Bad phone vibes, didn't even set up an appointment.

T2: AnalystGuy, 1970's a-go-go. Asked me to lie to a job I'd apply to, said he'd lie as well.

T3: Promising first appointment, stood me up for the 2nd one.

*sigh* Is this _really_ that hard? Like, be a T who practices in my (major) city, read things written since 1970, don't encourage your clients to violate federal law on the first meeting and say that you will do same, and oh show up for your appointments. I. have. a. low. bar. Is it really that hard?