oh, no echo...
I'm sorry that it has to end like this...

Did he tell you that he doesn't know how to deal with this kind of transference stuff? Could you ask him for a referal if you are definitely sure you want to be done with him? Could you honestly ask him, what does he think you should do?
I think I wish you could stay with him and he was able to help you.

You need to see somebody to help you deal with this pain. I can't imagine being completely alone with it. You need somebody to be with you through this. Sorry that this is all happening around your birthday, which is supposed to be a special day...

I wish there was a way for you too stay in therapy with him...

Hi Echo,

I kind of responded to this on the "where is your heart?" thread, because I didn't know you had posted this one...but I just wanted to respond here too, because I know tomorrow is a big day, and if I were you, I'd want all the support I could get.

It's a little strange...I was just thinking about my former T today, about how the ending still feels like a "breakup" when I think about it. So I understand that feeling.

From what I've read about transference (meaning our feelings about our T's/P's), how you are feeling right now makes a lot of sense, given everything you have described in your posts.
If I'm understanding it correctly, I don't think we are meant to just "accept" and "be okay" with how we feel about them. Maybe we have to start there, in order to be able to admit our feelings in the first place. But I don't think we are supposed to stay there. Our T's/P's are supposed to help us understand where those feelings are really coming from, in the context of our own therapy, so we can understand ourselves better, and eventually move on to apply this new knowledge in our relationships outside of therapy.

Now, if it was only that neat and simple in actual practice...

So I just want to say this: I think you can trust yourself on this, Echo. I've read all your posts, and the things you want to say to your P, you've been wanting to say for a long time. And I agree with you, they need to be said. You clearly understand what should be happening in the therapy, and from what you've described, I think you are right, your P is obviously trying to help you. But he doesn't seem to be able to help you understand the clinical meaning of your feelings, what they say about you, and maybe this is where you are feeling "stuck". I am going to be a little bold and say, again, from what you've described, it could very well be due to his own feelings about you (IMO, it sounds like you are more than just a "few dollars in his paycheck" to him). Which is certainly not a crime...it means he's human...but you can't tolerate this being in limbo forever. It's literally eating you up on the inside.

FWIW, with my former T, I had all the gastrointestinal issues you described. I went through Rolaids like candy, and often ate saltine crackers on my way to sessions. A friend of mine likes to say "Your issues are in your tissues." I think the reason for my distress was similar to yours: my T wasn't helping me understand my feelings within my therapy, so they were just building up and causing me very real physical symptoms along with the emotional stress. So basically, your body and your heart are kind of screaming out that something needs to be said.

Echo, I don't think you deserve to feel guilty for "giving up" on him (although I understand the tendency to feel that way). It is really okay to pay attention to how you are feeling, and to speak up when something is causing you pain or appears not to be working. That said, it bothers me that he became angry with you last time you quit. It is his job to deal with his own feelings that arise from what you bring up in therapy, such as feeling like he failed you, OUTSIDE of your therapy, even if it happens to be the last session. Anything less than that is unfair and potentially damaging to you because you are in the vulnerable position. All you are trying to do is speak the truth and do the right thing and take care of yourself. And that is a good and right thing, which cannot possibly offend or hurt him in reality. If he does happen to react with offense or hurt feelings, then it says something about where he is at right now, and also confirms what is probably the main reason you are "folding" in the first place (thanks once again to "Dr." Jones for the Gambler analogy ), that he is unable to keep his "stuff" out of the room.

But I know how much it will hurt if he does react that way. You've grown to care for him a great deal (even "love" him). For your sake, I hope he maintains the boundaries and keeps his reactions out of the room, at least those that would hurt you, no matter which way the conversation turns. Once again, it is perfectly okay and right to take care of YOU. Your feelings matter and deserve to be heard and attended to. And you don't owe anyone any apologies for that. Please let us know how it goes tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and sending many supportive thoughts (and "Happy Birthday"'s ) your way.

Hugs,
SG

Hi Echo
I am rooting for you- whatever you decide.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Echo,
I wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts. What a painful thing you are about to endure. I wish it did not have to happen - especially on your birthday! I am so very very sorry. You are incredibly strong and brave for recognizing what is best for you!! You sound pretty clear in your decision. Thinking of you and sending comfort!

Hi Echo,

I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much with this. I do agree that maybe you should try asking him for a referral? He may even offer to refer you to someone when you talk to him about leaving therapy with him. It would be very appropriate for him to do so, and I hope that he does. And try not to feel guilty. Your T should be there for you and always have your best interests at heart, and if you feel like he doesn't, you need to do what is right for you. I know it is so much easier said than done, though!

Happy Birthday, too!!!! I hope that maybe you can find a way to do something nice for yourself. You deserve it. Keep us posted on how everything goes!

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. I always get panicky before sessions, but this time I actually have a reason to feel that way.

SG - OK, now I feel guilty that I said he got angry last time. Maybe I misread how he reacted. I guess it was more frustration or exasperation than anger. I tend to "see" anger on people's faces whenever I think I'm being a disappointment.

Kashley - I do feel he has my best interests at heart. This whole issue is just outside of his area of expertise, and he's bungled it a few times, then tried to make up for it... but still it goes no where for me. I'm stuck.

OK time for bed. Thanks again for the well wishes. And yes, I DO have celebratory plans for my birthday.

echo,

Good luck at your session, whatever your final decision! It sounds like you know what you need to do for yourself, as hard as that decision is to follow through on. Hugs to you, and Happy Birthday!!

MTF

I did it. I was a big weakling and waited until the last 10 minutes to bring it up, then there wasn't enough time to say what I really wanted to say. He gave me the opportunity, but instead I decided to give him feedback about what had been helpful to me in therapy. He seemed to appreciate that, vaguely...

His response wasn't exactly surprised. He said that sometimes these "communication" problems (his view of the tension/dynamic between us is that I don't feel safe talking to him, or men in general, so I hold back) can sometimes be "worked through" with good results, but sometimes things are just "too persistently awkward" to continue. I agreed that, yes, I am persistently awkward around him.

And that was pretty much it. He said it had been a pleasure working with me and wished me the best (gee, did you just sell me a new car?). Then he got up and opened the door for me to leave. I forced a handshake on him.

I feel relieved that it's over, sadness that it's over, disappointed that it's over and I never said what needed to be said. At the same time, he knows, so it doesn't really matter if I said it or not. But I still wish I had. Shit. Now I'm going to start crying.

{{{{{{{{{{{Echo}}}}}}}}}}}}}

quote:

sometimes things are just "too persistently awkward" to continue.

Rackafrackin' euphemisms. Who needs 'em?

I must disagree with what you said about being a "big weakling". You did a good job trying to bring up the issue and I think you were strong even to try it. I wish he could have created a space where you felt safe enough to discuss it. But his responses to you seem to be all or nothing - either too emotional, or, in this case, too detached. You left today feeling like your therapeutic relationship didn't mean anything to him, when from his prior behavior, it obviously did. I really think his feelings for you are preventing him from being able to help you.

I'm sorry, Echo.

SG

quote:

You left today feeling like your therapeutic relationship didn't mean anything to him, when from his prior behavior, it obviously did.

I don't necessarily feel like it didn't mean anything to him... he said some other things that were nice. I feel that since I failed to really verbalize how I feel for him, I am responsible for how it turned out. If I could have been more emotionally honest with him today, then maybe he would have been less distant. If anything, he was just following my lead.

As for seeing another therapist, he said he would make a list for me and make some notes on what he thought about each of them and mail it to me. He asked if I had anyone in mind already to go to, but I said no. In reality, I have three names recommended to me by friends who are also in the mental health profession. These friends have been trying to get me to quit him for months. Not because he's done anything wrong, but just because of the effect it's having on me. It will be interesting to see what, if anything, he has to say about the names I already have.

Now the hard part will be seeing him around town all the time. Running into him last weekend in my coffee shop was just a little too much. Super awkward.

((((((Echo))))))

I agree with SG. You are not a weakling, you did something that took a lot of courage. I think your T was the 'weakling'. He never handled you or your situation as he should have and it has led to a lot of pain and anguish for you, and that is really a shame. I'm sorry you didn't get to say what you wanted to say, but I agree with SG; your T hasn't made your relationship safe enough for you to be able to express what you need to express, so the blame for all of this really lies with him, in my opinion.

Be good to yourself, you deserve a lot of credit for what you have done, and for what you have endured and tried to make work in your therapy. I really hope you will look for another T to help you sort all this out and to find the healing you so greatly deserve. Take care, and know you are in my thoughts.

MTF

P.S. And do try to have a good birthday. Do something fun to take your mind off all of this if you can with a good distraction. Hugs to you, Echo.

Thank you.

I have plans to go out with a bunch of girlfriends tonight. I am really very fortunate to have a lot of good friends to support me right now (even if most of them don't have a clue what is going on).

Today is also the anniversary of my dear cousin's suicide 8 years ago. Throwing myself a birthday party to celebrate my life (and a toast to my cousin's life, too) was my P's idea last year, when I instead was too depressed to even think about celebrating.

Oh Echo thoughts to you - definitely not a weakling, you've been very courageous.

Take care echo,
Happy Birthday,

starfish

((((((((Echo)))))))))))))

I am so sorry, but I will add to the other voices, you were incredibly brave to do this. I think you are blaming yourself too much though. I know you are claiming you could have said more but I also think the T holds alot of responsibility to create an atmosphere in which we feel like we can say the scary stuff. A "don't go there" can be communicated in a LOT of non-verbal ways. But it doesn't really matter whose fault it is; you were clear-sighted enough to know that despite how much both of you cared for each other, the fit wasn't right to allow you to do the work you need to do. I hope you can find some comfort in that.

But I am sorry, you know how I have been struggling lately and I know this must be so sad, and painful and even confusing. I am glad you will be with good friends tonight, I hope you have a wonderful time. I wish there was some way to make this easier for you but please know you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

AG

PS I don't blame you for avoiding my threads! I've wanted to avoid my threads. Thank you for being so generous to reply to me in the midst of what you're dealing with.

Hi echo;

I haven't been on here very long so I don't know the entire history of your situation(save for what I've read on this thread)but I also wanted to chime in and say you are very very brave! I'm really proud of you for following through with this. I know you must be in a lot of pain right now (and maybe feeling like you just lost a vital body part) but I truly believe that you will come out the other side of this ok. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to "break-up" with one's T; I've never had to do it myself, so I cant know, but again, it took a lot of courage to do what you did and I admire you for that.

--WLOH
________________________________

Echo I don't have much to add here except to say that I am thinking of you and admire your courage to do what was the right thing for you and for taking care of yourself. I hope you find a T/P who makes you feel safe enough to tell him everything you need to in order to heal.

I hope you have a nice birthday celebration with your friends.

Hugs,
TN

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It means a lot to me, especially coming from people who know first-hand how painful this sort of relationship can be. I have confided in my "best" friend, but she really doesn't get it. The first several months all of this was going on (in my head), she just thought it was amusing, like a soap opera. She couldn't see that this wasn't just a "crush", it is painful! So I told her I was over it and never mentioned it again. I know that you all understand what this is like, so I appreciate your support immensely.

So I did something that I feel a little ashamed about. I recorded my last session with my ipod. My intentions were entirely pure, I wasn't trying to catch him saying something ambiguous or anything like that. I just wanted to know how I really sound. Not my voice, but what the hell have I been doing so wrong all these months, that he never knows what is going on with me.

OMG it was painful to listen to! I am The Worst Patient Ever!!! I was practically MUTE. He was trying so hard to get me to talk, but I just refused! He did about 80% of the talking. He kept stopping to try to get me to give some input on what he was saying, he'd ask specific questions, and all I would say was, "Uhh.. hmm.... yeah.... uh-huh..." I am completely mortified. That poor man! I cannot believe he put up with me all this time. I feel like writing him a letter of apoplogy for being so difficult.

Another thing about listening to this: my voice sounds so young. If I didn't know who I was listening to, I would put her age between 15-20. I even talked like a teenager, saying "like" a lot, etc. I don't speak that way in real life. I am an intelligent, talkative, adult woman, but I sound like a frightened little girl who's been called into the principal's office. WTF is that all about?

A couple of you mentioned in your replies that I need to not blame myself for how this went, as he didn't provide a place for me to feel safe to say what I really wanted to say. Listening to my session, I heard him actually say just that. He recognized that for some reason I didn't feel safe enough to speak freely "in here" or in certain circumstances/ situations. That's when he suggested that I just have difficulty talking to men in general. (I disagree. I only have difficulty talking to men that I am in love with, and only when they expect me to reveal the contents of my heart and all that troubles me. I could make flirty small talk with a man all day, no problem! )

Anyway, it's not like he was totally oblivious that I didn't feel safe. He was trying. It just didn't work for some reason. I guess I'll figure that out when I get a new shrink.

Now the wait for The Letter. I know it will only be a typed list of names and he'll sign it "best wishes", so I will do my best not to be disappointed when I get it and it's all official-looking.

Hi Echo,

I've been new on this site and I just want to say that your courage and bravery have been a true inspiration for me. I have been in pain for several weeks as I try to make the decision to leave my therapist and reading your threads has helped me tremendously.
My therapist has violated several boundaries that have left me feeling hurt and confused. I have received wonderful advice from the amazing memebers on this site and I recently took my husband's advice and made an appointment with another therapist. The new T was wonderful and confirmed what I knew in my heart...that the therapy is unhealthy at this point and she recommended termination.
Even though, I know termination is the right thing to do...I can't do it. I love my therapist so much and feel so dependent on her. My new therapist said she would help me end the therapy but I'm just not sure.
I guess I should add that my current therapist did apologize for everything and promised to have better boundaries but this has happened before and things revert right back within a few sessions. I guess I'm starting to feel like maybe I can't trust her to do what's best for me. Also, the support of my husband is important to me and he just doesn't want to see me get hurt again and he thinks I deserve better.
Anyway, I really wrote to thank you for sharing your experience...I pray I can be as brave and courageous as you.
Good luck Echo. You deserve to find what you need.
Em

Hi Echo,

All I can really say is that I, for one, find it very brave and proactive that you recorded your session. I would be far too worried about hearing me make a fool out of myself to reap the benefits that recording could offer. I think you gave yourself a great gift, thought I'm sure it doesn't feel like one.

And, yes, I agree with Monte that it's good your T at least picked up that you didn't feel safe enough to speak freely. Maybe that's part of the reason that you heard that frightened little girl speak.

I wish I could offer you more, but I've never been in this situation. So, in lieu of some helpful words from experience, I'll just say that I'm thinking of you, and I truly hope you'll be able to find an awesome new T. Let us know when you get that letter from your (now former) T.

quote:

At least he picked that up. The sad truth maybe that for some of us the therapeutic relationship we're in may just be a bad fit and we just can't find that safe feeling with that person, for whatever reason. Maybe no matter how hard they try they can't create this space for us because of the dynamics of the relationship...because of how we bounce and spark in the presence of THAT particular person. It's not their fault or ours.

I don't understand what went wrong, though. It seemed like a great fit in the beginning. He was so easy to talk to, and I really felt understood. It wasn't even that difficult to tell him I had feelings for him the first time... It was only after I said that (and he reacted a little too... something), and then left for a few months and came back, that things got really awkward and uncomfortable. It was so up and down; sometimes I felt like things were really going well and working through this was going to be worth it, and then a week or two later I would be stuck again, just sitting there unable to speak. I kinda wish I had never told him. Of course, that wouldn't have gotten me anywhere either, I know.

These last few months have been so increasingly humiliating for me... and I kept going back for more. And each time, I imagine him having a good laugh at me and how pathetic I am.

I still haven't received a letter to refer me to someone else. OK, it's only been four days. Relax. But all he has to do is jot down some names and stick it in an envelope. He could even email me! I know he's busy... Maybe he's being thoughtful about it and calling the people first to see if they are experienced with my particular brand of crazy.

I am sounding very insecure right now and rambling all over the place in my head. Thanks for listening.

Hi Echo,

I would definitely agree with Monte - stick with thinking that he is checking up with other therapists for you to find the best ones. It sounds like he really may be regretful, and if he is, I'm sure he's taking a little more time to find the best possible matches for you.

Nonetheless, I understand how you are feeling while you're waiting for the list. I was just in the same situation, and I waited 2 excruciating weeks before I finally emailed my T again to see why she hadn't sent me any names. It turned out to be a simple mix up, but I went through a thousand scenarios before I finally contacted her again. I know it's so much easier said than done, but try not to get down on yourself too much.

And we certainly do all have our own unique brand of crazy. However, you might be surprised, Echo, how your T perceives you. We did a closing exercise in group therapy today where we taped a piece of paper on everyone's backs, and we all went around and wrote something we liked or admired about the other person. I thought I was the misfit of the group - I thought everyone viewed me as weak, pathetic, and unable to handle situations. Although I have my doubts about what others wrote, the majority said the complete opposite. We are our own toughest critics. Truly.

So hang in there, and let us know when you hear from him.

Thank you for the reassurance. You are all so kind.

Kashley, you are right about the way I think he perceives me vs. how he actually does. He has said some things a few times that made me think to myself, "Why is he so nice to me? Why does he think I'm a better person than I really am?" It made me feel a little guilty, like I must have him fooled. At our last session he said that I am a very compassionate person, and then he quickly added, "I know you don't like compliments and they make you squirm, so I'll stop." I'm glad I recorded it.

He also said that he thinks it would be valuable for me to continue in therapy (with someone else) to work on self-compassion. This is one area I really need work on. I am way too hard on myself. I would never say (or even think) to other people the things I say to myself. So I guess right now is a good opportunity to work on that... I'm not pathetic. He's not laughing at me. It's going to be fine.

So how long is too long to wait for a referral to someone else? Tomorrow is one week. Trying not to be impatient, but not getting the letter is making this feel "unfinished". I don't like having knots in my stomach waiting for the postman to deliver the mail.

That's one week too long if you ask me. You must feel like you're out to sea without a life raft! I wish I could do something to help you. I'm not sure how comfortable you are about calling him, but perhaps you could give him a little nudge. After all, you would think he knows how difficult it is for a patient to be left hanging. I hope the referral arrives ASAP. I'll be thinking of you...

echo

The uncertainty is awful - just as bad as the waiting and a week can feel like a lifetime sometimes. No wonder you feel unsettled...I hope it comes quickly for you.

Come on echo's postman, deliver the goods

starfish

Hi Echo,

I'm sorry that your letter hasn't come yet. You're pretty sure he was planning on mailing it? I only ask, because maybe if he took a couple days after your last session before compiling a list and mailing it out, maybe it will come in the next day or two. In my opinion, if it doesn't come after that and you are still as miserable as you are now, maybe try and get in touch with him? I'm one to be talking, considering I waited two weeks in my case, but it was torturous enough that there's no way I'd ever wait that long again.

Hugs, Echo!!!

I got the letter. It's dated several days ago, but postmarked yesterday. So I guess he did write it right away, but then it sat somewhere instead of being mailed.

The opening lines are, "I am glad you are currently doing well. It seems to be a good stopping place for psychotherapy." Were we in the same session?!? I told him all my physical ailments and that I'd been to the doctor, who said it was stress-related... That seeing him only once a month was stressful for me. That I think I need to switch to a female therapist...We talked about our communication struggles... And from this he gets that I'm doing well and that is why I'm quitting therapy?? I am clearly a very poor communicator. I guess I should have been more clear and said that I am quitting therapy because I'm in Love with Him and It's a Huge Freaking Stressful Distraction That is Eating Me Alive.

Anyway, the rest of the letter was just a few things he hoped I will keep working on, and encouragement to get help quickly if I feel myself slipping again. Then he listed some names of female shrinks he knows.

Lastly, he said, "I have appreciated all the hard work you have done and your valuable feedback. Best wishes [I KNEW he'd say that!] in continuing to create the life you want." That was kinda sweet.

The end. I'm supposed to feel a wave a relief to have it over now, right? Then why does my stomach still hurt?

quote:

I'm supposed to feel a wave a relief to have it over now, right?

Echo, if you had reported feeling this way just one week after terminating with unresolved feelings for your P, I would have had to badger you mercilessly until you gave up your secret. And at least a few others here would probably be right behind me.

quote:

I guess I should have been more clear and said that I am quitting therapy because I'm in Love with Him and It's a Huge Freaking Stressful Distraction That is Eating Me Alive.

But you have told him this. You've described your telling him, and his reactions, in other posts. Maybe not in those exact words...but clearly enough that if he had been able to help you, he would have. I really think the problem was he just didn't have the experience or the training to be able to help you all the way through your feelings.

I agree some of the comments he made in his letter sound like he didn't know how you felt...but I wonder if his intent was to avoid saying anything that might give an indication that he could help you further. It sounds like he's remaining very neutral and not making your staying or leaving about his needs at all. Maybe this was his way of letting you go, so you could find a T you can really open up with. And that would mean he is putting your needs first...which is the right thing for him to do.

But stopping in the middle really, really hurts...a lot. I spent several sessions spending at least some of the time working through my feelings about the termination, and thoughts and feelings still come up about my former T in sessions. And it's a relief to have someone to work it through with where I'm not too afraid to speak. So I hope you can find a way to be kinder to yourself, this pain is very real and you're not weak for having it. Actually I admire you for voluntarily leaving your P when you are feeling this way - I obviously couldn't do it . I hope you can find a good fit with a new T soon, so you can work through the feelings with her. (if the references don't work out, try www.psychology.com - that's how I found my current T). And please keep posting here as much as you need to, so we can help you through this.

Take care,
SG

(((((((echo)))))))))

What SG said, I can't say it any better. Be gentle with yourself and know we're here for you.

AG

quote:

Originally posted by Strummergirl:

quote:

I guess I should have been more clear and said that I am quitting therapy because I'm in Love with Him and It's a Huge Freaking Stressful Distraction That is Eating Me Alive.

But you have told him this. You've described your telling him, and his reactions, in other posts. Maybe not in those exact words...but clearly enough that if he had been able to help you, he would have. I really think the problem was he just didn't have the experience or the training to be able to help you all the way through your feelings.

Thanks so much for this. You are correct. He does know this is what is going on. I don't know why I keep wanting to blame myself for this, like if only I had said it just so the end result would somehow be different. And really, what was he supposed to write in this letter? "I'm sorry you had to quit therapy just because I'm too adorable for words. How awful for you to be struck blind and mute by my hotness. Better luck with someone else!" LOL

I've been googling all the names he gave me. I don't have much to go on, except one of the Ts was also recommended by a friend. That T actually has a website and a blog, and she sounds really nice and like possibly a good fit. (It is so frustrating how impossible it is to find any info on therapists! I can't find anything other than an address and phone # for the rest.)

The scary thing for me now is the idea of spilling the story to another T who knows him. How embarrassing. I don't know if I can do it. Maybe I can tell her what happened without actually disclosing who he is? She would figure it out eventually, though. It's a small town. Ug. *stomach pain*

I could never tire of hearing that, Monte.
I appreciate the support I've received here. Now it will just take time, I guess...

quote:

The scary thing for me now is the idea of spilling the story to another T who knows him. How embarrassing. I don't know if I can do it. Maybe I can tell her what happened without actually disclosing who he is? She would figure it out eventually, though. It's a small town. Ug. *stomach pain*

Oh, Echo, I hear you. Of course, my situation is slightly different, but I am also in a small town, and in the first session I had with my new T I struggled so much sharing very small things about my last T, let alone everything that you dealt with. I found out at the end of the session that my new T actually works WITH my last T doing a university program. Needless to say, I was slightly horrified. It has very slightly helped me to think of all of the things that my T must have heard before, however - therapists hear anything and everything you could imagine, so I keep trying to remind myself of this. It only works a very small part of the time, though.

Good luck in your search for a new T. I was petrified when all I got was a list of names and numbers. None of the Ts had a website, so I was so scared to just start calling when I had NO CLUE what kind of person each one was. I'm so glad you were able to find out a little bit about the one therapist. Keep us updated on how your search is going!

echo

I agree with kashley, I don't think anything surprises them anymore.What is excruciatingly painful or mortifying for us, they will accept as being par for the course and expected when doing this work. And your new T will have professional boundaries (we hope!! - if not refer her/him to us lot ) that will mean that although they might be aware of your old T they would never discuss you or your case.

But I sympathise with the angst and the tummy pains echo. I really hope your search is made easier by finding someone who seems right and you click with, it's a really tough thing to do, but you have experience now that will help and guide you in your choice. Keep us posted.

starfish

Hi everyone. I just want to give a little update on how I'm doing, which is "pretty well", considering.

I saw my P in public for the first time since our breakup session, which I've been dreading, and it wasn't bad. I don't know if he saw me, we were both with our families and once I saw him I pretended he was invisible (and I invisible to him) and just kept walking past. It was actually just fine. I didn't feel any stomach pain, or sense of loss or regret, or panic at all. If anything, I felt kind of peaceful and happy. It's nice to know he's still Out There, doing his normal life thing, just being him, which just happens to be adorable... It felt warm and fuzzy, if that makes any sense.

I'm sure I'll keep seeing him around, and hopefully it will keep generating this warm fuzzy happy feeling for me.

Thanks for the update, Echo! I've been thinking about you & wondering how you're holding up. I'm glad to hear that the first instance of your paths crossing turned out to be okay.

quote:

hopefully it will keep generating this warm fuzzy happy feeling for me.

I hope so, too.

Take care,
SG